Telling my gay friend that i've always known

[devilsheep]

A friend of mine has recently started hinting strongly through facebook posts and status' that he is gay.. which is something that i've been 95% sure about for the last 9 years (ever since I met him)

I want to support his coming out, but I'm not sure how I should approach the situation.

What are the chances of him being embarrased/getting offended if I tell him that i've always known and so have a lot of other people? I assume this is something he probably knew in a way but he could have been in denial about it so I don't want to make any mistakes...

Basically what im asking is should I confront him about it and say that it's cool and that i've been waiting for him to finally come out and im happy for him, or should I pretend like I am somewhat surprised ?

Thanks

[wattado]

wait for him to come out to you first. and you could be like I kinda figured but it isnt a big deal to me you are still the same. when I came out some of my friends were like i figured and others were shocked. you just have to wait for the right time.

[Mirage]

Do you really NEED to confront him? Do the whole "my friend says etc, etc, etc" thing, and maybe you can get him to tell you that he is gay, and after he tells you then just say you've suspected it for a while. Just get him to tell you himself before you let on that you knew otherwise things could get ugly.

[LatinaVivit]

Being gay is the biggest secret of his life; if you confront him about it, he may feel invaded(Lord knows I would feel that way). Let him come to you, then accept him!

[Inventor2]

Dont confront him, it wont be good trust me. Just wait till he tells you. Because when he does that means hes then comfortable with having you know that hes gay.

[devilsheep]

Thanks for the responses, i'll take this all into consideration.

I don't feel like if I do ask him it's necessarily "confronting" him, i'd do it in a subtle way.. but I suppose you are right that there really is no reason to bring it upon him before he brings it upon me.

I'm going to college with him next month, and we are close in ways because we relate to eachother through anxiety but we'll see how things go.. i wont ask him till he tells me or I just feel like the moments right and that he'd infact be relieved for me to initiate it you know?

thanks again peeps

[inexracercjd]

dont bring it up 2 him him bring it up 2 u then just support him

[Jesse17]

I think it's better for himself to come out first, or maybe it will hurt his self-esteem.....he is not willing to be like that, and we are supposed to show a lot of respect.

[Foamy]

Yea like everyone that's said it just let it be until he comes out. Then you can support him as much as you wish.

[boonsim]

If you tell him you've "always known", it will make him feel like he's acting to fey or something and it will probably offend him! Tell him that you support him in his actions if he chooses to come out, but don't draw attention to it if he's not ready.

[mwilly132]

i actuallly didnt know when i found out.. but when i did he just stopped talking to me

[crisel]

I think, you should wait for him to tell you about being a gay. If he tells you, then tell him that you knew it before he confesses.

[rocketedd]

Its great that you can take a bit of time - so many would just dive in like and say all sorts - Maybe wait until he tells you and I would say leave any reference to others out of it. Like do not say he she or name people who think he may be gay. This is about your friendship and you both moving on to college and with life.

I have some mates who are out - and thats great for them - love these guys I have 2 friends that have told me and some others but no one else.

YOu are a true friend to this guy. he will need a friend like you and I he will be a good friend to you, Thats the greatest thing ever.

Anyways

ED - in Scotland - my summer school hols - out in the country side. Chopping logs - playing guitar, driving a tractor and JCB get out on the horses,. I do karate - swim - play octopush - box and am learning to scuba dive.

Lets all have a make a freind day or a nice hug a mate thing cos if us kids dont spread the love and understanding the grown up will F**k it all up.

[Gordo]

I give you guys credit on knowing other people are gay. Must have a really good gaydar :)

Unless a guy is flaming incredibly and out I don't "know". I'm pretty observant and will notice what guys are looking at, who they're looking at, where they're looking and I'll suspect them to be curious and maybe gay, but I know I don't actually "know" anything.

So I'd be curious to know how you guys "know".

Even in the showers if I see someone checking out some one's junk, I don't mentally label them as gay, because they could just be lookin'. Plus I know a couple of guys who are bi/gay that if I they didn't mention it to me, I can't claim I would know because they are just like all the other guys I know in how they dress, what they do, how they talk, what they talk about etc.

Maybe it's because you're around these people a lot, but the couple guys I know who aren't straight, I knew them for several to many years and never really picked up on it.

LOL, maybe I'm not as observant as I think I am.

Again, just curious how some of you "know".

[devilsheep]

I give you guys credit on knowing other people are gay. Must have a really good gaydar :)

Unless a guy is flaming incredibly and out I don't "know". I'm pretty observant and will notice what guys are looking at, who they're looking at, where they're looking and I'll suspect them to be curious and maybe gay, but I know I don't actually "know" anything.

So I'd be curious to know how you guys "know".

Even in the showers if I see someone checking out some one's junk, I don't mentally label them as gay, because they could just be lookin'. Plus I know a couple of guys who are bi/gay that if I they didn't mention it to me, I can't claim I would know because they are just like all the other guys I know in how they dress, what they do, how they talk, what they talk about etc.

Maybe it's because you're around these people a lot, but the couple guys I know who aren't straight, I knew them for several to many years and never really picked up on it.

LOL, maybe I'm not as observant as I think I am.

Again, just curious how some of you "know".


Good point, I suppose I never really "knew".. more so just strongly suspected. I've known him for about 8 years now and in elementary school he'd always hang around the girls, act somewhat girly.

But recently he's been telling me of this friend he met online, and they met at a local festival (he just moved to a rural area, and had no friends until this guy). I was happy for him to finally find a friend, didn't really think anything of the online part. Then i was on this friends facebook and he had a lot of self taken pictures, with lots of guys commenting on it sexually and flirty.. this is the main reason i said I now "know" he is gay... but I do have pretty decent gaydar.

[dontfiguremeout]

This is something extremely personal to your friend. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But all that I know is you aren't him, and you don't know what he thinks, so you can't label him, or think he is and try to get him to come out to you. What if he isn't? Then there's a friendship ruined. Let him tell you when he feels like it, and if he never says a word, that means he was just in that curious stage of puberty. I know you want to be there for your friend in everything, and I have that ability too, but some stuff you can't be their for them, and that's something he has got to do on his own.

[War-Is-Real]

Uhm. Do not confront him, and show no sign that you knew when he comes out. I was SOOOO pissed off when I came out and my friend said he always knew ['specially when I didn't] and it's common courtesy not to confront them.

[LiamC]

Yeah I wouldn't either. After I came out to my best friend he was like 'oh I knew since year 7' (the first year of secondary school in the UK, when we met) and it felt to me like a subliminal way of saying 'well, and? Why did you have to tell me, I already knew'. I've known since before then so it wasn't that so much, and I know he didn't mean it horribly, but it just really irked me.