About to Snap

[Mortal Coil]

Mods, I'm not 100% sure if this should go here or somewhere else in the PW, but here it is:

My mother has been abusive for most of my life, and I don't know how much longer I can go before I snap and do something violet against her. I don't want to do that and risk jail time or other serious consequences, but there is a part of me, a monstrous alter ego, that may or may not take over very soon, and that wants to kill her. I've been fighting that thing since she started, but I've grown physically stronger and more aware of how to damage the human body. I don't know what I can do to stop this monster, and I need your help.

Please, any suggestions would be great, because I'm not the one that needs to be saved from me. She is.

[Noirtier]

Alex... I want you to know I know how you feel. I feel the same way about my stepdad. I have literally planned to kill him on several occasions, and I know exactly how it is having that "monstrous alter ego"--I have taken to calling it the beast--and how hard it can get to control. I know how it is not wanting to snap and do something like that where you could risk jail time, other consequences, and even ruin your life. What you can do to stop it, I don't know. That monstrous side is still in me. I stop myself before I can do anything, though. Usually what helps me is going outside and just letting loose. Screaming, yelling, running, punching, kicking, smashing rocks, throwing stuff. This I have come to use as a healthier way to control it than actually killing someone. You and I both probably won't be free of this evil side until we leave home. But doing what I said above helps cope. Just getting the anger and hatred out when it really gets to be too much. And doing your best to be aware of it. That's my advice, from my own experience. I really hope I helped, Alex.

[Sonic Boom]

Is you dad around? Or are you living alone with your mum?

[Terrell613091]

can yall have a talk?

[Listed MIA]

can yall have a talk?

I don't think that's gonna help. if she's been abusive since the beginning its not like she's going to suddenly turn around and be all "oh, sorry i'll change."

Op, you don't have to say if you don't want to, but i was wondering what sort of abuse, like physical/emotional/whatever, because that would change my answer. What do you want to do exactly? Like get away from her forever, or work it out with her? i (unfortunately) know quite a lot about child protection and stuff like that so if you need to know about any of that sort of thing i might know the answer. i was going to suggest doing some kind of martial arts/fighting sport (apparently lots of girls are getting into MMA these days?) you know, so you could beat the crap out of a punch bag, or a willing participant but maybe that would be a bad idea and give you more ideas for ways to take her out?

[LikeAJay]

feel the same.I just boxing

[Mortal Coil]

Is you dad around? Or are you living alone with your mum?
My dad is legally living with us, but often away on business. That's the way it's always been.

can yall have a talk?
Are you fucking kidding me?

what sort of abuse, like physical/emotional/whatever, because that would change my answer. What do you want to do exactly? Like get away from her forever, or work it out with her? i (unfortunately) know quite a lot about child protection and stuff like that so if you need to know about any of that sort of thing i might know the answer. i was going to suggest doing some kind of martial arts/fighting sport (apparently lots of girls are getting into MMA these days?) you know, so you could beat the crap out of a punch bag, or a willing participant but maybe that would be a bad idea and give you more ideas for ways to take her out?
It's mostly emotional abuse, although she has crossed the line to physical several times. Honestly, as sick as it sounds, I want to destroy her life the way she destroyed mine. I don't claim to have a moral high ground here; I just want sweet revenge. I already do taekwondo and boxing, running and am an avid mosher (not sure if that counts for anything) so I already know lots of ways to take her out. I've tried fucking everything.

feel the same.I just boxing
I already box, but it doesn't work. See, when she's screaming and making fucking death threats, I can't exactly say, "brb, going to the gym to beat the shit out of a punching bag." It doesn't work that way.

[Sonic Boom]

It sounds to me that she has psychological issues and she's taking it out on you, and various others. She needs serious mental help as soon as possible!

So next time your dad is back home, you need to discuss this issue and agree on a course of action for her. Like you indicated, she needs serious help.

[PinkFloyd]

My guess is that you just need to talk to her about it. Tell her whats bothering you. If that doesnt work; and she keeps doing whatever is tipping you over the edge. I think you should talk to someone else. Someone like a friend or an athourity figure in your life. Or hell, go see a doctor. But trust me on this. You don't want to hurt or kill her.

[Listed MIA]

It sounds to me that she has psychological issues and she's taking it out on you, and various others. She needs serious mental help as soon as possible!

So next time your dad is back home, you need to discuss this issue and agree on a course of action for her. Like you indicated, she needs serious help.

Agree. it's her that needs help, not you. your reaction is probably pretty normal for what's happened to you. her's isn't. I imagine your dad probably already knows about it tho? And probably enables her crazy behaviour. hopefully not though. do you have any other people in your family you can stay with? couple of months ago i moved in with an aunt i didn't even know i had.

My guess is that you just need to talk to her about it. Tell her whats bothering you. If that doesnt work; and she keeps doing whatever is tipping you over the edge. I think you should talk to someone else. Someone like a friend or an athourity figure in your life. Or hell, go see a doctor. But trust me on this. You don't want to hurt or kill her.

Talking to her might work if she was a normal mother, but she's not. you can't really have a conversation with someone who is abusing you and tell them that its bothering you. That's pretty much what they're doing it for.

It seems like a really difficult situation. i think its normal to want revenge though. maybe you could get revenge and ruin her life by reporting her for child abuse?

[Mortal Coil]

But trust me on this. You don't want to hurt or kill her.
The problem is that yes, I do. Otherwise I wouldn't have made this thread.

I imagine your dad probably already knows about it tho? do you have any other people in your family you can stay with?

maybe you could get revenge and ruin her life by reporting her for child abuse?
My dad does know about it, and does enable her. I want to move in with some other family members, but unfortunately none of them will take me because I'm a cutter with an eating disorder.
My father won't let me report her because that would require him to do a shit-ton of paperwork, and may or may not cost him money. So that's out of the question.

God, my life is a mess. I'm at my wits' end.

[Listed MIA]

The problem is that yes, I do. Otherwise I wouldn't have made this thread.

My dad does know about it, and does enable her. I want to move in with some other family members, but unfortunately none of them will take me because I'm a cutter with an eating disorder.
My father won't let me report her because that would require him to do a shit-ton of paperwork, and may or may not cost him money. So that's out of the question.

God, my life is a mess. I'm at my wits' end.

Hey, i'm really sorry. is there any chance you can get into boarding school or something so you can be away from her for a while? sorry, i wish i had something more helpful to say.

[WearAngels]

Whatever happens don't let the monstrous thing lead you to do evil thing like being a revenge type of individual. Keep yourself chill !! She is still your mother who have given birth for you to see this world and do just forgive her for being an abusive mom to you, maybe she has up with something that lead her burst it on you.