How to Explain

[hopefuldreams17]

I've been cutting for over 8 years now. I've quIit and relapsed more times than I can count. I had quit for 6 months, a personal best for me. 2 nights I cut again. I knew I shouldn't but I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to.

My problem is in the past 6 months, I've fallen in love. For once I know this is the guy for me. I'm going to marry him. He's never been a part of my life when I've cut. I told him the truth about it the next day, and while he wasn't mad, he blames himself.

I guess a part of me can understand his response. But it had nothing to do with him. Cutting has been a part of my life longer than anything or anyone else except for my family. It's been a part of my life whether I'm single or in a relationship. I don't want him to feel guilty for what I did. He knows I'm going to try not to do it again, and hopefully I can quit for more than 6 months this time. I don't know, I want to do it again so bad. It's hard for me to stop once I start.

I'm rambling though. What I need help with is what I can do or say to make him not blame himself. He told me he does, and won't listen to anything otherwise. The guilt in his eyes when he sees the cuts is killing me. Help.

[FullyAlive]

You could try and identify what triggered you to cut so he can see he's not a reason for it, you could tell him the addiction aspect of it? So he can see it can't be helped and sometimes there is just the need there and its nothing to do with him he couldn't have stopped it.

This way is probably the worst way but if you really had to you could tell him that blaming himself makes you feel worse and that that won't help you. However I don't recommend that way.