WickedOne1208
July 16th, 2012, 12:12 AM
Hey, guys! I'm kinda new here and I've been looking around and noticing this is a very supportive forum... Seeing as how I've been having a lot on my mind lately, I thought this would be a nice place to express my thoughts and possibly get some feedback on them...
So here's the thing right now...
I graduated from high school a few weeks ago, which is something I've been dreading the entire year, just because of the finalness of everything. I did end up crying the entire last three days of classes, but that's okay. I'm still trying to move on from that but it's okay. This year started out pretty rough, because I was in a bad situation with another friend, which ended okay despite the fact that our friendship is pretty much non-existent now. I'm okay with that though. However, it caused a lot of other emotional issues for me. Basically, I was cutting… After I got over that, by December I think, the end went pretty great. I reconnected with old friends, made some new ones.
So the situation I'm in now...
I met this kid last year and I thought he was pretty cool but I didn't think we'd ever really be friends because he's two years younger than me. He was a freshman, I was a junior. This year, we started becoming really close. The two of us and his best friend, both of whom are the same grade. The three of us only really started hanging out in the last month of so of school but we all consider each other best friends. The three of us get along absolutely famously. Their friendship seemed really strong and they’ve both said that me being a part of it has only made it even stronger. We've hung out a few times over the summer and it's been fun, but I find myself feeling so depressed and lonely for a few days after we hang out. And we rarely have time to hang out because one of them has a job and they both have lots of homework for AP classes.
I guess I'd say... Right now, my biggest problem is that I'm scared of losing them. I'm going to community college ten minutes away from the high school and they are going to be juniors. I'm scared I'm going to lose my place in our little group, our trio. They have two years to replace me and I'm scared they will, especially since they are both going to be involved in activities that have a constant flow of new people, though I will be meeting lots of new people myself.
And I know, I'm going to college and I should be okay with letting go of my high school friends and that stuff... And for the most part, I am. But I do not want to lose these two boys. They are my best friends, my little brothers, and they mean the absolute world to me. I can honestly say, I truly do love them and would do absolutely anything for them. I can't imagine that I have to let go of them so soon after this connection has been made. I know I will make as much time for them as I can and try to be a part of their lives, but I don’t know about them. I'm okay with letting go of the people I've known for years, but I don't want to let go of these two because being their friend and being with them and that stuff makes me feel better than any other friendship ever has. It makes me feel stronger, more powerful, like my insecurities don’t matter, like I’m truly loved, supported, and wanted, and that’s something that I’ve never felt from any other friendship I’ve ever had. I feel like I finally have the friendship I’ve been waiting my entire educational life to have. It's the most real and healthy friendship I've ever had.
They want me to let go though... They've told me we'll always be friends and they are okay with being my "not-so-great" friends. I don’t know if they really mean that or they are just saying it so they don’t feel guilty… Whichever the case, I don't know if I can be okay with them just being my “not-so-great” friends. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to me. I've had a lot of bad friendships, a lot of people I've trusted have hurt me really bad... I don't know if my heart can take letting go, or leaving behind, or losing the first real friendship I've ever had like this. I feel sick just thinking about it, but I know I need to express these feelings. I've tried talking to them directly about it, but they don't think I need to be worried about it. I just can't help worrying about it though. I care about them as people and their friendship, both with me and with each other, so much.
I know we’re all very young and still have plenty of time and opportunities to make new friends, but there’s something very special about this friendship, our group, our bond. We’ve all noticed it and so have other people, like teachers and classmates. They make me feel comfortable with who I am and who I want to be. I can’t help but feel like this friendship is meant go far… I’m just worried that it won’t…
Any words of comfort? Suggestions? Comments? Questions? Concerns?
So here's the thing right now...
I graduated from high school a few weeks ago, which is something I've been dreading the entire year, just because of the finalness of everything. I did end up crying the entire last three days of classes, but that's okay. I'm still trying to move on from that but it's okay. This year started out pretty rough, because I was in a bad situation with another friend, which ended okay despite the fact that our friendship is pretty much non-existent now. I'm okay with that though. However, it caused a lot of other emotional issues for me. Basically, I was cutting… After I got over that, by December I think, the end went pretty great. I reconnected with old friends, made some new ones.
So the situation I'm in now...
I met this kid last year and I thought he was pretty cool but I didn't think we'd ever really be friends because he's two years younger than me. He was a freshman, I was a junior. This year, we started becoming really close. The two of us and his best friend, both of whom are the same grade. The three of us only really started hanging out in the last month of so of school but we all consider each other best friends. The three of us get along absolutely famously. Their friendship seemed really strong and they’ve both said that me being a part of it has only made it even stronger. We've hung out a few times over the summer and it's been fun, but I find myself feeling so depressed and lonely for a few days after we hang out. And we rarely have time to hang out because one of them has a job and they both have lots of homework for AP classes.
I guess I'd say... Right now, my biggest problem is that I'm scared of losing them. I'm going to community college ten minutes away from the high school and they are going to be juniors. I'm scared I'm going to lose my place in our little group, our trio. They have two years to replace me and I'm scared they will, especially since they are both going to be involved in activities that have a constant flow of new people, though I will be meeting lots of new people myself.
And I know, I'm going to college and I should be okay with letting go of my high school friends and that stuff... And for the most part, I am. But I do not want to lose these two boys. They are my best friends, my little brothers, and they mean the absolute world to me. I can honestly say, I truly do love them and would do absolutely anything for them. I can't imagine that I have to let go of them so soon after this connection has been made. I know I will make as much time for them as I can and try to be a part of their lives, but I don’t know about them. I'm okay with letting go of the people I've known for years, but I don't want to let go of these two because being their friend and being with them and that stuff makes me feel better than any other friendship ever has. It makes me feel stronger, more powerful, like my insecurities don’t matter, like I’m truly loved, supported, and wanted, and that’s something that I’ve never felt from any other friendship I’ve ever had. I feel like I finally have the friendship I’ve been waiting my entire educational life to have. It's the most real and healthy friendship I've ever had.
They want me to let go though... They've told me we'll always be friends and they are okay with being my "not-so-great" friends. I don’t know if they really mean that or they are just saying it so they don’t feel guilty… Whichever the case, I don't know if I can be okay with them just being my “not-so-great” friends. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to me. I've had a lot of bad friendships, a lot of people I've trusted have hurt me really bad... I don't know if my heart can take letting go, or leaving behind, or losing the first real friendship I've ever had like this. I feel sick just thinking about it, but I know I need to express these feelings. I've tried talking to them directly about it, but they don't think I need to be worried about it. I just can't help worrying about it though. I care about them as people and their friendship, both with me and with each other, so much.
I know we’re all very young and still have plenty of time and opportunities to make new friends, but there’s something very special about this friendship, our group, our bond. We’ve all noticed it and so have other people, like teachers and classmates. They make me feel comfortable with who I am and who I want to be. I can’t help but feel like this friendship is meant go far… I’m just worried that it won’t…
Any words of comfort? Suggestions? Comments? Questions? Concerns?