I finally realized why I hate myself

[Aquila]

For the last six months, Ive been depressed and ive hated myself, and while there were reasons why, I couldnt put my finger on what was wrong. But i finally figured it out.

I knew this girl. She was my best friend, and I developed a crush on her. But she had a boyfriend. Nevertheless, I got... Comfortable with the idea of us being together, and I started treating her like my girlfriend. She got uncomfortble, and our friendship fell apart for a while.

The reason ive been depressed is that i didnt mean for any of it to happen. I honestly meant to treat her with respect, and i was completely naive as to what i was doing to her. But after running the last year through my head, i realize what a bad friend i was. Ive told her how sorry i am, but i dont think she'll forgive me, or even wants it brought up. Things between us are....rocky, and she'll only talk to me once or twice a week, but i dont blame her.

I feel so guilty. The idea of someone breaking up a relationship, or making someone cheat is repulsing to me. I hate myself for doing it, even i didnt understand at the time. I lost the best friend ive ever had, i am lonelier now then i ever have been. I dont know what i should do next. :/

[OrKing]

How about putting as much passion and honesty into a phone-call as you did that post? If that doesn't work, I'm not sure what will.