imnotcreative3
July 14th, 2012, 08:45 PM
I haven't been on VT for a while now and even though I'm not close or friends with anyone on here I feel as though I should let people know who I am as a person and who I want to be.
A couple years ago I found VT and I thought that i had found my savior, my haven, and somewhere where i could be myself. But then as i continued to be a regular on the site i found that reading the threads and stories was helping me find people like me but it also helped me start realizing that i may not have been striaght. Just like pretty much every other American kid in the country i grew up thinking 'gay was bad' and being straight was what you had to be. But now in a changing world being bi or gay isnt as bad as it used to be. Yes it may not be completely accepted or accepted AT ALL in some areas but the world is changing. So heres where i get to my point...
Life was good up until i started puberty, i was a regular little kid kissing in kindergarden behind the bushes and telling my mom that i had a girlfriend in second grade. Yes some people may have thought i was gay by how i acted or the highness of my voice but i was completely straight. And then when puberty hit in the summer before sixth grade things started to change. Obviously my body was changing but i started to see people, guys, differently. I wanted to know what they looked like with clothes off, if they thought the same, and if they wanted to try stuff. The list goes on and on and on. I finally got to figure that out when i started talking to one of my friends about it in the summer before 8th grade. We finally figured out that we were both curious and even gave each other handys in the movies. But let me tell you...weeks after he wouldnt talk to me, and he finally confessed that he was no longer curious and that he wanted nothing to do with me. Havent spoken to him in over six months. But almost at polar opposite everyone at school thought that i was a complete and utter man whore...going through just about everysingle girl in and out of school. I was confused and you cant really blame me.
So here we are...present day. I am still confused as ever. Recently i started talking to this guy and we were getting pretty serious. Then he just stopped replying. I dont know what happened and its been over a week since we talked. I really thought that i was going to find my first boyfriend and try out what it would be like dating a guy, but nope wrong again. Today i think i am bi but i really dont know. I have an emotional attactment to girls and a very physical attactment to guys. And that doesnt really fall under the tree of being bi so thus me being extremely confused.
Honestly all i want is help! It has been years since i really knew who i was. Im sitting here tearing up because i just want closure in knowing who i truely am. I know that i cant figure that out from someone else but maybe you guys could help me reach that. Thank you for spending the time to read this and maybe you could be the one to help me find myself for the first time! Thanks :/
A couple years ago I found VT and I thought that i had found my savior, my haven, and somewhere where i could be myself. But then as i continued to be a regular on the site i found that reading the threads and stories was helping me find people like me but it also helped me start realizing that i may not have been striaght. Just like pretty much every other American kid in the country i grew up thinking 'gay was bad' and being straight was what you had to be. But now in a changing world being bi or gay isnt as bad as it used to be. Yes it may not be completely accepted or accepted AT ALL in some areas but the world is changing. So heres where i get to my point...
Life was good up until i started puberty, i was a regular little kid kissing in kindergarden behind the bushes and telling my mom that i had a girlfriend in second grade. Yes some people may have thought i was gay by how i acted or the highness of my voice but i was completely straight. And then when puberty hit in the summer before sixth grade things started to change. Obviously my body was changing but i started to see people, guys, differently. I wanted to know what they looked like with clothes off, if they thought the same, and if they wanted to try stuff. The list goes on and on and on. I finally got to figure that out when i started talking to one of my friends about it in the summer before 8th grade. We finally figured out that we were both curious and even gave each other handys in the movies. But let me tell you...weeks after he wouldnt talk to me, and he finally confessed that he was no longer curious and that he wanted nothing to do with me. Havent spoken to him in over six months. But almost at polar opposite everyone at school thought that i was a complete and utter man whore...going through just about everysingle girl in and out of school. I was confused and you cant really blame me.
So here we are...present day. I am still confused as ever. Recently i started talking to this guy and we were getting pretty serious. Then he just stopped replying. I dont know what happened and its been over a week since we talked. I really thought that i was going to find my first boyfriend and try out what it would be like dating a guy, but nope wrong again. Today i think i am bi but i really dont know. I have an emotional attactment to girls and a very physical attactment to guys. And that doesnt really fall under the tree of being bi so thus me being extremely confused.
Honestly all i want is help! It has been years since i really knew who i was. Im sitting here tearing up because i just want closure in knowing who i truely am. I know that i cant figure that out from someone else but maybe you guys could help me reach that. Thank you for spending the time to read this and maybe you could be the one to help me find myself for the first time! Thanks :/