Not sure where to go next....

[Ale J.]

Alright, so I joined yesterday (I think...it's hard to remember). I haven't been sure whether to post or what but...talking is supposed to help.

A few things to understand about me:

I am kind of suicidal...I've thought about it a lot but never tried though. I've only cut a few times, but I stopped. I felt like it didn't help...so why hurt myself?

My parents got divorced about a year ago. My father was/is abusive and he cheated on my mom. He's still trying to get back with her. But now he's gotten better than my mom... She goes on these crazy rages and is constantly making me do things for her and getting mad at me for things. She isn't abusive...she just hurts me in the inside. She told me to kill myself once.... I still can't get that out of my mind.

I have been to a therapist before. He taught me how to breathe. I haven't been going lately because he's horrible at his job.

I was addicted to shoplifting for a while...and I got caught. Yesterday. It was horrible...and I feel like I've completely ruined my life. No job, no college...it was already going to be hard enough.

I have a feeling I may never go to college. I have no savings, I can't save because I don't have a job and how am I supposed to save when I have nothing? Now, when I get older, it will be HARDER to get a job because of a freakin pair of earrings....

I have drank alcohol underage. Peer pressure I guess. I've done weed too...but I stopped. I didn't want to get addicted.

I live in the ghetto I guess...surrounded by people who bring me down.

I know it's important to talk to friends...but I don't have any. None that I can trust. My "best friend" is conceited and she just...makes my life so much worse.

One time I hurt my brother badly because I got mad at him. He's still kind of afraid of me.

Sometimes I just black out and then I find myself crying or someone's hurt...or I'm hurt. I feel like I've lost control of myself.

Oh...I have frequent anxiety/panic attacks and I feel like I'm going to die often.

I also have bad insomnia.

The icing on the cake.

I guess that's it....

Right...the point of all this.

I want to run away but I have nowhere to go. No money...I can't escape.

I'm stuck.

I've felt really bad as of lately...

I guess I'm just looking for answers. I'm just not sure what my questions are....

[madea rocks]

Hey y dont u PM me?

[Breakeven]

suicide and running away wont help solving anything
first dont listen if someone tells u to kill urself , ur alive for u not anyone else , its your life

what u done in the past , doesn't matter , its never too late to start all over again
u need to start figuring the lil things in ur life :

1-ur bro , u need to stop hurting him and try to show him not to be afraid of u
2-u need to go back to see ur therapist and talk about your black out
3-ur mum is going a through hard times , u need to handle her even if shes hurting u
4-dont let people bring u down by words , be stronger then those words , as long as ur honest to urself thats all it matters
5-try to get a job so u can save up for college
6-talk to ur friends , dont push them out of ur life
7-ur not alone im here if u need someone to talk too and its okay to break down sometimes :hug: