Want...Need... Obsesseion..

[Nevermore]

It's not just a want.. I keep fantasizing about buying an industrial razor. Now.. why may your ask? Go deeper, more high, more of the red stuff.. I can't stop thinking about it. I figured I'd forget about it so I keep prolonging it. It's been months and I can't forget.. I need it. First pay check I'm getting it...I know should have more self control. Why am I so weak? I was doing so good. I just want to get this out of my head.. i don't' want to act on it... but it's an obsession.. an obsession my psychologist won't help me with.

[georgiamay]

First of all, you're not weak. Having urges and thinking about this doesn't make you weak at all. You've said you've already made it a few months, which should prove to you that you're not weak; in fact, it should show you how strong you are, to feel so obsessed over it and still be able to resist.

I haven't self harmed in over a year now, and I still have urges. Not all the time, they do get better, but they come and go. But when it comes back, I can't understand why I ever stopped. I obsess over it and I can't stop thinking about and it's all I want to do. But then it goes away. This might sound stupid advice, but just sit it out. Eventually you'll get distracted by something. Yeah it'll probably come back, quite soon, but if you can get through one of those "moments," you can get through all of them. I still dream about it every now and then, sometimes it feels so real that I have to check to make sure it didn't actually happen, and yeah, for that morning I might want to do it again, I might be so tempted to even buy another razor. But I never do, and nothing bad happened because of that.

It's not really about having self control really, you just need to sit through it, because it always goes away when your attention goes to something else, even for a few minutes.

Maybe you miss it? That's what I think it is for me. Sometimes when I can't think about anything else, I don't want to cope with anything, I just want to do it because I miss the feeling. But we all know that the "feeling" isn't really that good, is it? We just tell ourselves it is because it makes us feel better and gives us something to fall back on.

And about your psychologist, if they won't help you with it, tell them explicitely that it's a serious problem, and you want to focus on that for a while. After all, you're the patient, it's your health that they're supposed to be concerned with, and if this is a massive problem for you (which is probably is), then it's something that they should be addressing.

Hope this helped in someway, if not, then at least you got to listen to me ramble for a while :)

I'm always here if you need to talk, PM me anything :hug3:

[Nevermore]

Thank you so much for your response. :) I haven't officially stopped, I have bad days, but I"m getting "better." I'm so glad you've been clean for that long, that is quite an accomplishment, well done. :) You've helped a lot, your right I just need to keep sticking it out. Thank you :) I'm here for you too hun. <3