My sister :( 11 and has a BMI maximum of 17 yet refuses to listen.

[ApresMidi]

I dont *think* she thinks theres a problem.

Its just so painful.

Shes like, so slim and slight ..Its not she thinks shes massively fat ,at least not obviously,but she doesnt eat; kinda picks it apart and exercises.


GAAH.

About 5ft4 and weighs 7 stone.
I'm 5ft8 and weigh almost 11 and I'm still in a healthy BMI.

I feel useless.

How can I help?

Shes extremely extremely headstrong and hates being thought of as incapable or babied..


Any home methods? Like ,my family would despair if our community out a label on 'people with the anorexic daughter in therapy etc etc'.Thats their concern.

I know as it was with me...

[Gigablue]

Tell your parents you're concerned, they can help her get therapy. You don't have to tell the other members of your community. Her health is much more important than some embarrassment for your family.

[Dabigdtc]

I'm sorry but that is something that should be handled by a professional if she is truly anorexic than she does not see herself as being that skinny. I live in America we don't really have much of an issue with family views so I don't understand your parents worries but like the other guy said, other people don't have to know.

[StoppingTime]

98 pounds and a height of 5'4 is not terribly underweight. Is it? Sure. But that doesn't necessarily mean there is a serious problem. Some people are naturally lighter, have a higher/faster metabolism, etc... As long as she isn't losing weight at an unhealthy pace, I wouldn't worry. However, it would be good to talk to her; if you feel you can.

[Amaryllis]

If she's avoiding food, talking about wanting to eat healthier, exercising more, cooking for others and not eating it, losing weight, buying/staring at cookbooks or food websites, counting calories, seeming more depressed and obsessively talking about food - then you should worry.

Some people might say "oh maybe she's just on an innocent diet and wants to be healthier" but trust me. Hell. To the. No.

I started off wanting to lose a few pounds to fit into a dress. Went on a diet. Started reading health websites and exercising. Counting calories became -counting calories- and I did this until I was 28kg which is about 4.5 stone.

Not everyone's like me but usually it starts off innocent and all in-denial and then turns into full blown I-am-going-to die.

Talk to your sister. Be understanding. Tell her you'll be there for her no matter what and if she's truly struggling, you won't tell if she doesn't want you to. But encourage her to seek help. It is really kind of you to care and worry. She's lucky to have you. Try to scare her out of it, I know learning the effects and consequences of EDs never helped me. The further deeper you go into an eating disorders and the longer it lasts, the harder it is to recover.

Ask her what's bothering her, if she's depressed. If you can, gently and subtly ask her if she self-harms because we ED people usually do. Talk to her. Be there for her. Be a good role model. Avoid dieting, healthy eating, weight and appearance topics.

When I had my ED, I never slept. Only went into half-gone phases. I would pace pace back and forth and do star jumps in the middle of the night. I was obsessed with health sites and it became so bad, I was in constant pain. I could feel my body shutting down. I was beyond skinny, my BMI was below 10 and I still thought I was fat. All my friends left me and it was the worst thing I ever went through.

Scare her out of it. If she's trying to be more beautiful, she will never find herself beautiful. And she will hate herself even more than she did before. If she's doing it for control, she will be consumed by her ED and have none.

That is, assuming, she has an eating disorder. Still, if you bring it up as a gentle, worried sister, it should be okay. At worst, she'll get pissed that you assumed that but it's better safe than sorry. I wish more than anything that I had a friend to bug me constantly, stick with me like glue and ask if I was okay.

For the sake of your sister, your family and her friends, I hope she doesn't have an ED. It ruins lives, many of us wish we were dead.

Thank you for caring about her and take care of yourself, too. Good luck.

Love,
Amaryllis