My boyfriend want's to get married I'm 13

[Kirsi]

Hi peoples! My boyfriend is 15 and I am almost 14 and we have been together for a little bit more than 1 year and he asked me if I ever thought about marrying him and I said ya I think of marrying you one day sometimes. Then he said if he asked me to marry him would I say yes and I said well probably if we are still together then he asked me to marry him right then and there and he even had a ring that cost him more than $100! I didn't know what to say so I said ya but how bout not for a few years cuz I didnt want to hurt his feelings and I just had no idea what to say because I just dont know for sure where we will be in a few years so now I'm wearing a ring and apparently engaged and he was so happy and excited and now Im hoping i never stop liking him cuz i dont want to break his heart. If my parents see me wearing a ring i will probably be in trouble because I know im to young for it but he wants me to wear it cuz thats what ur supposed to do and he wants to tell his parents he is so happy and excited. I am so confused!
Also he lives with a foster family and hasnt seen his real family im years and he wants me to be his family he is very serious about it and i do love him but i know we are both so young for this. should i just keep the ring and be engaged until we are done high school and get married after that as long as we still are together? cuz thats what im thinking but i dont know how good a idea that is.

[Darknova8]

First your too young to marry in any US state but i guess you guys could go steady.
You know its like a you can't cheat on him and such.

If you really think you wanna go through with it then i guess when you turn 16 and your parents agree you are allowed to be married.

[Kirsi]

I want to go steady with him we have already been together over a year. I don't plan to get married until I am at least done high school so I will be at least 17 and he would be 19. I am just way suprised he actually proposed and got me a ring and everything. I really hope now more than i ever even thought of before that we dont break up. i would never cheat on anyody if i felt like i needed to cheat i would break up first but i hope that dont happen i do take me relationship seriously but tons of people say when your young it doesnt last so im worried a little for now tho we are fine and it seems like its gonna stay that way

[Darknova8]

I guess stay faithful and if u guys really love each other youll still be together.

You can't really plan that far ahead just go with the relationship and love will guide the way. :P

[Kirsi]

You are probably right thank you! But now I just have to worry about my parents I will just tell them its a promise ring maybe so they wont freak out so much cuz it kinda is pretty close to the same thing anyway

[Darknova8]

Ya parents can be a total drag. Do your parents like your bf . Do they know your dating?

[Kirsi]

They know we are dating and they have only met him a couple of times but they seem to like him enough i dont think they have too much of an opinion of him yet but my mom said once that he seems nice and when it was our year anniversary a while ago my dad said wow im impressed so ya

[StoppingTime]

It was ridiculous of him to ask you to marry him when you are only thirteen. Not to say that some 13 year olds aren't very mature, but this just seems to be taking things too far.
When I saw that he proposed, honestly, it sounded like something a child would do in preschool. I'm assuming he would have thought that just about no thirteen year old girl living in 2012 would accept "marriage" to a fifteen year old.
See how your relationship goes over the next few months/years. If you two are still together in say, two or three years, then sure, maybe have a serious discussion about it then.
And as for you wearing an "engagement ring" is up to you. Don't wear it just to make him feel better. If you don't want to, talk to him about it.

[Kirsi]

He is not even quite a year an a half older than me so he is young to be proposing and i am young to be proposed to. I think we might still be together years from now and get married i have thought of it before and i am quite sure i love him i want to wear the ring because i know it means a lot to him and that makes it mean a lot to me because he means a lot to me i guess i will have to wait and see where this goes thank you both for the advice :)

[unnamed94]

at first i thought this was some kind of joke. the worst thing is that there are people here that actually are telling her its kinda okay. NO. you are thirteen ffs. he is probably just confused about how he feels for you and had the crazy idea about proposing to you. just giving you some quick thoughts about why is is wrong:
1. you cant get married now or anytime in the near future
2. you are both not mature enough to be making this type of decissions (yeah im completely sure about it)
3. im almost 100% sure you will break up in this year. i said this year so i can be that sure (you probably will break up sooner, face it relationships at that age dont last that much and considering you are more than a year together now then im almost sure you are breaking up this year)
4. both wont be able to handle anything of what getting truly married means, its not only about saying yes and him buying you a ring. he obviously doesnt have a clue about it becuase he told you to wear the ring 'cause you are supposed to'
5. you dont seem to convinced about it. saying how excited he is and how you dont want to make him feel bad by not wearing it shows that. also you said you hope you never stop liking him because that would break his heart.

sorry if this doesnt seem to be the answer you were hoping. hope he tells his parents soon because they would obviously have a serious conversation with him about it. IF you were at least 17 and a mature person and you felt ready for it then i would tell you to consider it. i bet now people are gonna post stuff like : "if you do love him, then go ahead" or stuff like that. cant believe there are people so blinded that they cant see whats rational, obvious and wrong in here. to emphasize: ITS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

[Kirsi]

Even if you are sure that we will break up in this year you must realize that it kinds hurts and feels like a slap to hear it no matter how true you believe it to be. I am not angry and maybe you are right that we will break up. but i do hope that you are wrong because i am not too sure what it will be like in the future but i know right now i believe i love him and maybe my feelings are real enough that we will last. he said he wants to get married he didnt say it had to be now he said we could wait until we are old enough and mature enough to handle it because we have no idea how to plan a wedding now plus we are quite sure it isnt legal but there is not harm in having a promise/engagement ring is there? if we break up i give it back. u say that he is probably confused about how he feels but i think that he is very sure of how he feels and thats why he did it. i am the one that is confused because he is only my second boyfriend and my first one was only 3 months and everybody tells me that i dont understand love at my age and i feel like i might but when people say that they confuse me and make me worry maybe they are right cuz none of my friends have had a boyfriend for not even close to as long as me so it makes me scared its only a matter of time for us but i dont want to break up. just wearing a ring if it makes him happy and i like to do that and it is pretty and it makes me feel special and happy that shouldnt be bad right? like i said if we break up i give it back but just wearing it should be ok we arent dumb enough to even think of an actual wedding now he more of just wants to be sure that when he is married it will be with me and thats why its more of a promise than an engagement i guess.

Oh and his foster parents are really nice and easy going and they arent his real parents and they have 3 other kids at the house 2 of them their own so i dont think they willl have a serious talk with him cuz all he did realy was gives me a ring for now. i think that talking here helped me know what i want to do and i want to jus wear the ring and keep going like we were and wait to see what happens so thanks you to everybody.

[Jimmy Page]

You are a bit too young to make this kind of decision,as said already,wait and see dear
As we say here:An apple tree takes its time to grow,but when it is grown the sweet apples come forth.
Which basically means patience gives the sweetest reward :P
If you are still together after that many years I would say you could give it a serious thought
And about the ring,tell him how you feel,if he really cares about you he will understand and accept it
Good luck :)

[Kirsi]

I will tell him how i feel when i see him next i will tell him that right now i think i love him and that i want to try but i cant make any for sure promises i thinks he will still be happy with that thank you to Ian :)

[unnamed94]

you are just defending something which makes no sense. its really late and i have to kep studying so let me ask you just one thing: if everybody tells you that you dont understand love at your age and all that stuff, dont you think that they should be right? as ive seen before here on this forums, people who are very young (13 or 14) tend to think about their relationships as much more serious than what they actually are. your case is just something extraordinary. the problem is that when you are that young and everyone is telling you that it wont last, that its not love what you feel, etc you actually hope that in your case it is different. sorry to tell you this but what you are just infatuated with him. you could try to make it seem like something different but, sadly, its not.

[Kirsi]

you are just defending something which makes no sense. its really late and i have to kep studying so let me ask you just one thing: if everybody tells you that you dont understand love at your age and all that stuff, dont you think that they should be right? as ive seen before here on this forums, people who are very young (13 or 14) tend to think about their relationships as much more serious than what they actually are. your case is just something extraordinary. the problem is that when you are that young and everyone is telling you that it wont last, that its not love what you feel, etc you actually hope that in your case it is different. sorry to tell you this but what you are just infatuated with him. you could try to make it seem like something different but, sadly, its not.

Thank you kindly for your advice I know you aren't saying what you are to be mean and that u is trying to help. I say maybe you and everybody else is right and we wont last but if that happens then it happens right? maybe i wills prove you wrong but i still want to wait and see. No harm in that right :p Imean i never said im different or more special than other people my age i have no clue what will happen but it shouldnt hurt to hope right.

[unnamed94]

Thank you kindly for your advice I know you aren't saying what you are to be mean and that u is trying to help. I say maybe you and everybody else is right and we wont last but if that happens then it happens right? maybe i wills prove you wrong but i still want to wait and see. No harm in that right :p Imean i never said im different or more special than other people my age i have no clue what will happen but it shouldnt hurt to hope right.

at least you got what i mean. i thought you were going to think i just had something against you instead of thinking i was giving you some advice.

as i already said, it wont last. im sure that everyone that told you that is right. you think it will be different in your case. you could still be with him and share with him or whatever and try to prove me wrong, just dont get too attached because of him proposing to you or whatever. if you do get all excited and stuff, you are gonna be hurt when its all over. good luck :)

[Kirsi]

I already been real attached for a long time thats why we lasting so long. even if we broke up tomorrow i would be so upset for a long time :( thanks for the luck. I think you are a nice person :)

[Skyhawk]

You're still in your teens, there's no reason not be boyfriend and girlfriend until you're older. Way older.

[Virgoteen]

Dude you are 13!!!! You are still a kid!!!! And an engagement ring over $100 is nothing!!!! That's more like a promise ring, not to burst your bubble. A real engagement ring costs roughly 1,600$. Slow down a little.

[Kirsi]

I know how much a real engagement ring costs but for a 15 year old who doesnt make much money and me I'm 13 and don't have a job 100$ is a lot and it's pretty good. It doesnt matter to me how much it's worth anyways and i already said it is more of a promise for now till we are older. telling us to slow down when we arent planning to do anything it's just a ring I posted this at first because i was so suprised but after thinking about it more i dont think its all that bad it's a ring a promise to try and stay together and get married one day we arent doing anything yet.

[FullyAlive]

Personally I'd be so freaked out if my boyfriend asked me to marry me, I'd be careful I know it seems cute and lovely but your peers at school could say quite hurtful things out of shock etc, and no doubt there will be rumours. And you're parents may say they are okay with it but you're still only 13, only a child really no doubt they will be slightly concerned.

However don't let other peoples reactions put you off some childhood loves do work out, just be careful and don't let him push you into anything else you aren't ready for

[Caver]

Don't do it if you are not ready.

[Kirsi]

No worries he isn't pushing me into anything. he was so nervous when he asked me and seemed really suprised and relieved when I said yes. I am quite sure most people at school wont even find out about it unless we tell them and we have no reason to do that also my parents have no reason to be concerned because we arent going to do anything stupid. of course i am not ready to get married but idont see a problem with wearing a ring he got for me and hoping we will work out :) I said yes because I wanted to and I dont give a crap about rumors even if it did happen i originally came here for advice because it had just happened and i was really suprised but i have thought about it since then and made up my mind so no worries people I will let you all know how it turns out :)

[dontfiguremeout]

Well you guys are super young to even think about marriage. And one of you guys hasn't started high school yet, and probably the other in high school now. So you guys have a super long time before even thinking about a commitment strong enough like marriage. Plus to me I don't think a year is even long enough to think about marriage with that person, because it should take a long time to really develop the relationship and thinking, before you decide you want to live with that person FOREVER. And I wouldn't want to make the commitment of wearing the ring because what happens if you start feeling you don't want to be with him? Because most teens don't stay in a relationship for a super long time, because they would rather be with someone else. So definitely really think about this, and let peoples opinions, influence your decision making, not our opinions make you change your decision.

[Kirsi]

Well you guys are super young to even think about marriage. And one of you guys hasn't started high school yet, and probably the other in high school now. So you guys have a super long time before even thinking about a commitment strong enough like marriage. Plus to me I don't think a year is even long enough to think about marriage with that person, because it should take a long time to really develop the relationship and thinking, before you decide you want to live with that person FOREVER. And I wouldn't want to make the commitment of wearing the ring because what happens if you start feeling you don't want to be with him? Because most teens don't stay in a relationship for a super long time, because they would rather be with someone else. So definitely really think about this, and let peoples opinions, influence your decision making, not our opinions make you change your decision.

It's too late I already said yes I am already committed. What happens if I start to feel I dont want to be with him is I will tell him end of story. I hope he will do the same if he changes his mind. maybe i dont understand it right now but maybe we will be together long enough to understand one day and then maybe we will change our minds or maybe not. I start high school this year not that it matters that much i guess. I guess i should let people know that i talked to him about it and we agreed that engagement is a bit to much i am still going to wear the ring but it we both understand that we might change our minds eventually but we still want to try just because we are young is that really so wrong to at least try? we arent really thinking about marriage more like thinking of wanting to last and we hope we do and just because we are young its a bad choice to try and take something seriously?

[dontfiguremeout]

Well, you should have thought about it a little more besides saying yes under peer pressure. How bout sit down and really talk to him about you were just pressured because you didn't want to hurt his feelings, but this ring is just too much of a commitment at such a young age. And also tell him about what happens if it doesn't turn out right? If he really loves you like he showed the engagement ring, he will understand.

[Kirsi]

I wasnt pressured into it I was just suprised and said yes without thinking but after i thought about it i still didnt want to change my mind. I didnt just say yes to not hurt his feelings i said it because i was happy he asked it made me feel really happy. why are people no longer paying attention to what i say? we have already talked about it we both understand it might not work out it's not as big a deal anymore as everyone is still making it out to be. I will say again we decided we still want to try and stay together and try to last we arent taking the ring and all that as seriously as what he originally planned we are just going with it now and he understands and isnt mad at me at all. Like i said things have changed since i originally posted this

[dontfiguremeout]

Well it's been a day since you posted things, and I only read the first post, so I didn't know things changed. Sorry if I wasn't giving you the advice you needed.

[Kirsi]

No problem I am sorry if I got a little snappy or however it seemed over the computer. I was getting a bit frustrated explaining the same things over again because everyone kept saying the same things and not paying attention to what I said in my newer posts. You were just trying to be helpful and I appreciate it so thank you. I wanted peoples opinions and you gave me yours wich your entitled too and I will remember what you have said and keep it in my mind.

[johngotti]

no, just no. hes not the one kiddo. and as for the ring, keep it, and pawn it.

[FreeFall]

If you guys last, then you last. But you'd better last out of the love that you say you think you have for him. Don't stick around just because you made a commitment, you're only 13. There's nothing to commit to at that age except learning about yourself and having the best time that a 13 year old can have. You don't know what you'll be doing at 16, or how much you and he may change. Think long and hard about your future.

[Kirsi]

no, just no. hes not the one kiddo. and as for the ring, keep it, and pawn it.

Sorry but I don't have anything to say to that except that was just really rude of you!

Also I wouldn't stay with him if I didn't like him just because he gave me a ring!
Thank you everyone! :)

[ramgoat647]

I don't think that is right. He is moving a little too quickly for my liking, at least. As you get older, things change and so do people. Making such a big commitment could hurt you down the road when you both mature. If you realize that he may not be for you that may cause some problems. I say you guys break off the apparent engagement but keep dating. This way you don't feel the same level of commitment and if you grow to not like him any more, it won't be a big deal.

Also, please excuse any spelling mistakes. I am on my iPad.

[Kirsi]

I don't think that is right. He is moving a little too quickly for my liking, at least. As you get older, things change and so do people. Making such a big commitment could hurt you down the road when you both mature. If you realize that he may not be for you that may cause some problems. I say you guys break off the apparent engagement but keep dating. This way you don't feel the same level of commitment and if you grow to not like him any more, it won't be a big deal.

Also, please excuse any spelling mistakes. I am on my iPad.

We all ready pretty much did what you said :) We are still dating and we decided that the ring would just be more like a promise ring and nice gift so that we aren't expecting too much of each other. He did move to quickly about getting engaged but we sorted it out now. He did it because he really likes me a lot and hopes to be together forever and doesn't want me to leave him but ya I talked to him about that and we aren't considering it engagement anymore.

[heeysamantha]

You have your whole life ahead of you.. you don't even know what you really want in another person at 18.... so how are you going to talk about marriage at 15... Why would you want to tie yourself down... I find that incredibly stupid.. Don't limit yourself to the people in school.. there are going to be A LOT of other people that you think are perfect for you, soo trial and error.. thats what dating is for, to find out what you want in a future life partner BEFORE you get married...

[FreeFall]

You have your whole life ahead of you.. you don't even know what you really want in another person at 18.... so how are you going to talk about marriage at 15... Why would you want to tie yourself down... I find that incredibly stupid.. Don't limit yourself to the people in school.. there are going to be A LOT of other people that you think are perfect for you, soo trial and error.. thats what dating is for, to find out what you want in a future life partner BEFORE you get married...
Read her last post and you'll see what it has resolved into.

[joeyjorulz]

all I can say is the boy has spunk...

[stacey13088]

my boyfriend asked me too except its the other way around for us hes 14 and im 15 , my parents or friends dont know this but i said yes :) we have agreed that people will think we are stupid so the ring stays round my neck on a necklace since i cant wear it but as soon as we are both 16 we are going to tell people because its what we both want :) and i hope everything goes well for you and your boyfriend!


please do not give out contact information such as your twitter name in posts -FullyAlive

[Mirage]

You simply can't be legally married at 13. It's against the law, so you're going to have to tell him to return that ring or if you really do stay with him long enough you can marry him if you really deem it necessary.

[Kirsi]

lol I just realized people are still replying to this. No worries people I am not getting married at 13! I made a promise to myself that the earliest I would get married at is 20 and only if I have been with whoever (maybe current boyfriend) for at least 2 years. Also the engagement ring is now a promise ring instead witch works anyways because the section in the jewelry store that he got it from was called promise ring and it wasn't too expensive and maybe won't last forever. We are just going steady now and he said he will give proposing another shot when we are older as long as we are still together. Oh and my parents know about my promise ring and they are fine with it.

my boyfriend asked me too except its the other way around for us hes 14 and im 15 , my parents or friends dont know this but i said yes we have agreed that people will think we are stupid so the ring stays round my neck on a necklace since i cant wear it but as soon as we are both 16 we are going to tell people because its what we both want _ and i hope everything goes well for you and your boyfriend!
Thank you very much! I hope everything goes well with you and your boyfriend as well :)

You simply can't be legally married at 13. It's against the law, so you're going to have to tell him to return that ring or if you really do stay with him long enough you can marry him if you really deem it necessary.
Yes your right I am sure it is illegal to get married at 13 and being engaged at 13 and getting married at 13 are two different things. Even when we were calling it an engagement we weren't planning to get married right away we were going to wait quite a few years. Of course if we last I would love to marry him so it would be necessary :P Also as long as I'm together with him and it is now considered a promise ring there is no need to make him return it when he put so much thought and money into picking it out and it's really pretty and I love it!

[johnnyreb]

what you find attractive in men now, won't be true 5, 10, 20 years from now, it sounds like your bf has abandonement issues - and rightfully so. You just have to tell him that you love him, and that you would never intentionally hurt him. But, your way too young to get married.

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

I dont have much to say... but yes legally you are to young... as said your views will change in time, being married so young may not be the best idea ever. You two should really see where things go... when you are older ummm, 17ish for you... then think about it again and see...

[Roses_Are_Yellow]

Honestly, I think you're too young to be engaged. You still have your whole life ahead of you, and you'll change A LOT in the next few years. I know that I've changed quite a bit since I was 13 years old. But you know, you never know. You guys might actually end up very happy in the end, or you may end up not liking each other anymore and break up. It's really nobody's business but your families and yours. This is personally just my opinion. As long as you're happy, and he's happy...does anything else really matter? Alright, so there are some things that matter too..but that's not the point.

If I was in your position when I was 13, I think I wouldn't have been able to do it. Granted, I was pretty mature for my age (I'm basing this off of what people have told me) but it's just I've grown up so much in the last two years. My opinion's have changed, my view on life is shifting, and my personality is a little different now to. Not to mention, I'm pretty certain my parents would've flayed me alive...

[Kirsi]

I appreciate all the replies but a lot has changed.. Everything has been figured out so thanks everyone.

[ECSTASY]

omg.kirsi you two are too young to get married. getting married at the age of (unless -21) may cause some problems also...

[Kirsi]

Read my post right above yours...
Actually you could go back further until you find my second last post..
Can this thread be closed maybe? ehh I guess I will just stop replying lol.

[TheMatrix]

Can this thread be closed maybe? ehh I guess I will just stop replying lol.
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