An update( for those of you who have read my posts)

[thesphinx]

Hello I would just like to give you an update on my ongoing depression and anxiety, Well I'm virtually anxiety free! I got to the bottom of my anxiety and figured out what I was always panicking about, as for the depression last time i took the test I got 30/30 Severe depression. I took it again and I can say that I got a 20/30 Mild depression, I am getting better and I can feel it
Its been about 1 year to the day and this is the first time I feel like I will get over this.
I'd like to thank everyone for there support here, and I would like to say that I am living proof that you can get better from this, so I put together all of my threads from the beginning of the depression to the long awaited end.

threads are in order from first to last.


Hi My names michael,
Lately ive been feeling very deppressed.
it all started when i was hanging out with my friends one day and i just started to feel really sad and panicky unmodivated etc, this went on for a few days so i told my parents they said it would probably pass in a couple days it didn't pass so we looked into some stuff to help it like homopathy remedies and st. johns wort, i was on the stuff for a month and a half with no sign of helping so we went to a phsycholigist(SP?) we talked about my life and stuff and the thing is there really isn't anything wrong in my life.. i have good friends good home life i volunteer 3 hours a week at our local food bank and i am very active in sports and stuff im good at school(i home school btw)
so he mentioned chemical imbalance and subscribed me an anti-deppressant,(effexor xr 37.5mg) ive been on that for a month now and its help alot with
making me able to function without constantly crying and stuff with minimum side effects,
but ive noticed lately that im really like confused i just kind of walk around like a dead person like im not really there and i can hardly even tell whats real and whats not real its really weird.
it scarres me, i dont know what to do..
im going to go see a counselor next week to try to find something that might be bothering me in my life something that could be triggering the depression
i also have pretty bad anxiety attacks a couple times a week and i got some medicine for that,
but i guess the only thing i can really do is wait for this to pass and just keep on with my life. its hard though
o and its been like 5 and a half months that ive felt like this.
im really fortunate though that i have good friends and family, ive read some of your posts and stuff and some of the stuff your going through doesn't even compare to what im going through.
but i just need to talk to someone about this.
Thanks :)

uhh the last 5 months has been a total blurr i cant remember anything i feel like im floating through fog not being able to see backwards and not being able to see forwards its driving me crazy i just want to feel normal again and
to just want to want get up in the morning again instead of dragging myself out of bed i want to have fun again and laugh when someone says something funny not just pretend to laugh i want to do the things the i liked to do before this again i want to be excited about things again i want to be happy!
but most of all i want to Want to want to Live.

Last night i was really upset about some of my friends, we had a big fight and it was a mess and on top of being deppressed lately it was just to much! i was having anxiety attack and i just snapped i wanted to just hurt my self so i took a knife and just cut 4 Very shallow cuts in my thigh they only bled like a drop of blood each but it felt good and i want to do it again.......
im scared :(

i need to vent...........
uhhhhh, lately i have just been feeling horrible, i feel no need to even live anymore, i dont even know why i feel like this!?!?!?! theres nothing wrong in my life! i used to be so happy whay happened!?!?
i think back half a year and i was so happy and in love with life, everday i would race to get out of bed and all winter i went skiing with my friends and family i was just so happy!!!!!! now i dread getting out of bed i dread going skiing this winter i just want to stay home and look at the wall all day......
I just cant stand it ANYMORE!!!!I HATE THIS DEPRESION!!!! its ruining my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
UHHHHHHHHHH

ok.... sorry about that.. i just needed to tell someone that, this week im getting a higher does of effexor maybe that will help :lol:

oh god, tonight i just about killed myself i just couldn't take the shit anymore and took a knife to my throat and i almost did it but i just couldn't my mom came in a freaked and uhhhhh i cant believe this, now they think im suicidal and uhhhhhhhh god this sucks~!!!!!!!!! everytime i hear myself say i have nothing to live for it makes me cry...
[email protected]#$ #@!$ %#@!
I CANT STAND IT!!!!!!!
[email protected]*#!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need serious help SERIOUSLY FAST before i do it again im getting this horrible urge!!!!!!


uhhhhhhk

Hello, im so stressed out right now... but anyway heres my problem my a few months ago i bought a plain ticket for tesxas my friends but tickets to and we were all going to fly out there and have fun,
anyway with this depression i dont know if i can emotionally do without having a breakdown. uhhh im just so stressed out about this i dont know what to do if i dont go i waste 1000$ and if i do go i risk getting to stressed out..
idk how you guys are going to help lol but i just needed to talk about it..

Hello, im getting off effexor xr right now 75mg and instead of weaning off it my doc decided to go cold turkey cause i was having suicidal thoughts and right now im having the worst withdrawls from it i feel like my stomachs on fire and my head really hurts and everything aches and last night i was seeing things in my room(like the wall moving and smoke coming out of the window green smoke lol) has anyone had this happen do you know what to do to help it???
it hurts!!
but the good news is im getting on prozac! hopefully that will help!

im so sad, one of my best friends moved away last year and it kills me when ever i think about it..
ive been friends with him since i was born literily and he's always been there for me and always believed in me and it just makes me so sad :(
we talk every week but it still is not the same there is no possible way to visit him unless you want to drive for 2 days to california
once he moved to oregon and i thought id never see him again and the funniest thing happened to years later he moved back to his axact same house here(we used to be neighbors) i miss him so much :(
*sigh*

hi, i dont know if this has anything to do with ocd but i have to ask...
i have pretty good friends that ive had since i was a baby they've always been there for me and everything i like them alot.
but the lastre year ive been severly deppressed and i dont know if this has to do with the deppression or if its ocd but when ever im around my friends im like so concious of what there thinking and stuff i always look at them and try to read there body langauge and see if they still like me(if that makes sence) but anyway im like obsessed about it, like if one of my friends is talking to someone i dont know i have like a mental break down and i feel HORRIBLE cause i think" great now he doesn't like me anymore and hes finding new friends" even though its not true cause he still hangs out with me and does like everything with me and he like never calls anyone else to do stuff but me, but im just like obseesed with this even though deep down inside i know he still likes me and everything.... does this sound like ocd?????
thanks

Uh I am on prozac right now and that is helping the depression A bit but lately its been getting worse, i think i want to up the dose to see if it helps either that or try a new med... i feel HORRIBLE right now god.........

Does depression ever leave??
Like i feel alot better than a month ago but..its just.. theres something misssing i dont know what im just not my self..

i went to a new phsych today and for the first time i realized how bad this is she said i have severe clinical depression and its something that i might have to deal with the rest of my life........
this sucks!

i have some really good friends and there so much like me and tyhey support me there just really great but when im around them i always feel like they dont like me evern though they do and i dont feel like i have anything in common even though i do..
ive known them forever is this part of clinical depression??
or is this just me changing?
uhh i dont want to loose them:(:(

[thesphinx]

Its my 8 month annivursery with clinical depression, and just last night it hit me that im never going to be the same again never, i always had hope that once i got it figured out that things would go back to the way they were and i would be happy again.
but its to late to much time has passed for it to ever be the same.
R.I.P. me :(

hi lately ive been feeling better, but its weird ok this is gonna sound weird but i feel like im making up my whole life and that the world doesn't exist like its all just in my mind or something...
and it feels like the only way to get out is to kill myself, i wouldn't even be killing myself cause of the depression just cause i feel like the world doesn't exist its a weird feeling..... is this part if clinical depression???? or am i nuts..
like its funny cause im feeling relatively happy(compared to a month ago) but i want to die cause i know the world doesn't exist so whats the point?
uhhhhhh omg im crazy.........

uhh i feel like crap right now i feel like i m wastingf my life away!!!!!!!
im seriously considering suicide right now :( i dont want to but i just cant stand it anymore
What if i dont find the right meds?!?!?!?!!?
i cant stand this depression anymore ive tried a million meds.. and my doc says that anti depressants are not ging to work for me :( so im trying ritalin and something else.. she said this is the last option for meds.....
:eek: :eek: :(:(
what if it doesn't work!!!!!!???
then what am i screwd!?

i just wanted to say good bye im going to kill myself tonight.
i hope your situation turns out better than mine

I just found out that my doc was not in her right mind when she prescribed me my medicines :eek: so she was not giving me the right ones, she was really sick and she might die but im just shocked that she wasn't thinking straight when i visited her.
by the way im not as suicidal anymore.:)

Im sick of the death and drying
Im sick of the crying
Im sick of the hatred
Im sick of the abuse
Im sick of the violence
Im sick of everything
I can't stand it anymore
i just can't do this anymore
and from this day forward I am making a promise to never say anything mean or hatefull about anyone every again no matter what im never going to say anything negative about people again i am going to be nice to everyone no matter what.
i am tired of hearing people being yelled at im tired of people saying horrible things about other people im tired of this and im going to stop it.
and if no one else is going to do it i am going to,
even if people hurt and hate me i will be nice to them im sick of hearing the hatefullness im SICK of it and im going to never hate anything again ever
i am so tired of this.
i walk down the street and i can feel in my heart as the people walk by me the hate the anger.
i just dont see the point in hurting anyone anymore im never going to ever agian,
im sorry but i needed to get that out im SICK and TIRED of this i can feel the earths hate all around me every day i can feel the HATRED and i am not going to hate back i am going to fight hate with kindness.
i just needed to say that to someone
you dont have to post in this or anything i just needed someone to hear that because its eating me alive.

Is this a mental illness of somesort?
i feel i am to overly worried about the worlds issues.
like i get panic attacks because i think of the bad things about the world.
its good to be concerned about the issues we have to face but i feel like i am overly concerned for it to be normal.

I am on this pain medication for my foot that just had surgery.
and It makes me feel soo good like so relaxed and happy(im clinically depression),
and your not supposed to trake more the 2 a day.
but i really want to take more because if feel soo goood,
and i know it wouldn't be good to do that but its the first time in i can't remember how long that i have felt so happy and relaxed. it feels like im on drugs or something.
i can't remember what its called but its a very powerful pain killer, they use it on people with leukemia.
im also on this other stuff for axeity, and it makes me feel pretty good to,
i just took 2 of the pain meds for my foot and its so powerful that i can hardllly type i wish i could take like 100 of these every day i just feel so good.!!
well anyway umm i guess that wasn't really a question more like a rant or something idk but i just really weant to take another one uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh.

Well its about school like i feel like im so far behind in school.
and im not (btw i homeschool) and i feel like im so unorganized and everything but im not im good at school but im obsessed at being perfect at it.sometimes i started like panicking cause i feel like im so dumb and everyones better at school thenn me i feel like ill never get into a college and its not true though i have a 3.5 grade point avarage im quite smart in science and computers i know 2 different programming languages i dont know why i think im behind but im obseesed to the point where i cant get any school done cause i think im behind and i just think of khow un organized the school work is and uuhhhh im freaking out right now:(.......... is this ocd??????

Hello, some of you may have read my last thread entitled "im gonna do it" and I was pretty close to doing it but i decided not to and since that event I have been totally unsuicidal and I wanted to make sure that i never got to that state again so I got to thinking.

And I decided to make this, its a pledge for anyone to sign agreeing not to commit suicide, once you sign it you vow never to commit suicide no matter what.
If you are interested in this please copy and paste this:

I yourname Pledge never to commit suicide under any circumstance.


Do not sign unless you are a 100% sure that you can agree to it.

If anyone commits suicide that has signed you will have broken the chain And the chain will be useless after that point.

Anyone can sign this even if they can't see them selves being suicidal in the future. but once you sign it thats it you cannot take it back you have to follow the agreement.

-Mike


well this is everything leading up to this post and its just some of the things I had to go through this past year. and I'm still a ways away from recoverying but I know I will be ok, if you want to talk to me PM me, I just hope this encourages someone who might be in the same situation I was in.
Thanks everyone.
I will keep updating you on my recovery, my road back to life, and back to myself.