Divorce

[Cognizant]

My dad is considering divorcing my mom. Today, he is asking her to pack her things and think about what she wants: her parties/affairs, or her family and husband.
I have no comment, really. I'm still trying to process it all.
I just have a couple of questions:
1) Are your parents divorced?
2) How did you react?
3) If you were in my situation (even if your parents aren't divorced), how would you react/what would you do?

Also, another question for divorced people:
-What parent has custody over you, or is it partial?

[Desuetude]

I know it seems horrible and the worst thing in the world now and it might seem hard, it probably will be but eventually things will settle down and it will get easier whether that's by a little or a lot.
Yeah, my parents divorced when I was 6. They told me and my sister in Pizza Hut that they weren't going to live together anymore and we kicked up a fuss and were asked to leave so I guess you could say we didn't take it well. I've heard that it's harder for teenagers/children when they're older to handle it and reacting to it but I guess no one will know completely. It can mess up some peoples childhoods. In your situation where affairs occur it can be especially hard because it may just come out of the blue. I had 6 years of fighting every night so it's not like it came as a surprise but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

You need to remember that whatever happens it's because of them, not you. They still love you and you will always be their son no matter who you live with for how long. It's probably going to hurt them (your Mum especially since she was the one that had the affair) to see that they hurt you. I think your Dad has handled it well, giving her time to choose and decide where her priories lie.

With my parents they split everything down the line and got partial custody over both me and my sister. It doesn't mean that living arrangements aren't messed up though (that's down to me to be honest but eh). I've been at my Dads for a month and I don't know when I'm back at Mums.

All I can say is that if they do divorce then you need to sit down with them and sort things out. You need your say in this as well, they might not think so but when everything changes for a child, especially at an older age, they can get very stressed so playing a part in this and knowing what's going on can help you feel like you have something stable in your life, some control. Tell them and give them advice on living arrangement's and who you want to spend what days/weeks with.

If you ever need to talk, rant or just get another opinion about something then I'm here if you need someone to just listen. I know how hard it can be adjusting and still after 8 years It's still not the easiest but you have to remember that you'll be gone from home soon, a few more years is all there is to deal with and although they might not be the easiest, you will get through them. (wow, sorry for the story there)

[Magenta]

My parents divorced when I was eight. I don't remember how I reacted. I don't really think I understood or I just wasn't surprised. They spent so much time yelling that it was finally going to be quiet, I think.

I've moved back and forth between parents. If you are over the age of 13, in most places, you can decide where you live. For me, I lived with my mum and saw my dad on weekends and set holidays depending on his schedule. I moved out there for a year at one point but now I'm back with my mum but, because I'm 17, I just live here and make plans with my dad as I wish because there's no point in having set dates anymore as I have my own life now and I'm likely moving out soon anyway.

Because you're older, you have more of an opportunity to see it from both sides. As a kid you're more prone to thinking it's your fault because you don't know any better. But now you can obviously see things aren't working out.

The way I always saw it was: would I rather have two angry parents living together for my benefit or would I rather have two parents who love me just the same but also have the ability to be happy in their own lives?

If you ever wanna chat, Pat, you know where I am. As far as divorced families go, mine is certainly... experienced, lol.

[Jupiter]

Hey Devin.

I can't say that my parents are divorced, but my parents aren't married either. However, in this case let's say Roger (cancer dude) is my dad.

They are married, but their marriage is not very stable. Mom went to the point of going and getting the divorce papers once. I can't say that they have cheated on each other, but they are going to get a divorce when dad is healthy enough to live on his own. He already doesn't live with us, he lives at his mom's.

1) Are your parents divorced?- Not yet.
2) How did you react?- Would be prepared this time.
3) If you were in my situation (even if your parents aren't divorced), how would you react/what would you do?-- I would want them to get divorced to stop all of the cheating, so that they can both move on with their lives.

[Listed MIA]

Mine are just getting divorced now, but they haven't lived together for about 15 years. My mum wants to get married again (to this totally ancient dude) so that's why they are getting divorced now. i don't have any feelings about it.

My mum left and i've lived with my dad ever since. they don't have any custody arrangement or anything. she doesn't even pay child support. she lives far away (not far away by american standards :D anything thats over about 50 miles is classed as far away here). i see her whenever she decides that she wants to see me, or if i happen to be down her way. i haven't seen her since last year. i don't care because i don't like her.

I don't know how i would react if i was in your situation. i think it would depend if it seemed like you were a happy family and this just came out of the blue, or if things had been bad for a while. Good luck though, hope everything turns out ok.

[Noirtier]

1) Are your parents divorced? Yes, they were divorced when I was probably about 8 or so
2) How did you react? I was a little kid, I didn't know what to do. So I kind of shut down...
3) If you were in my situation (even if your parents aren't divorced), how would you react/what would you do? I would try and understand what is happening and keep working through everything. God knows what I did didn't work...

Also, another question for divorced people:
-What parent has custody over you, or is it partial? My mother has custody, my father hasn't spoken to me or any of his own family in 7 years. Not by our choice, by his. We wanted to have contact with him, but he refuses

I know how hard it is, trust me. My father had an affair which resulted in my half-sister who I've never met (but want to) which ended my parents' marriage. He hasn't even spoken to me in 7 years. I've tried to contact him, but he refuses to respond. Sometimes, though, these things happen--it's the fact of life. It hurts, but you all have to work through the pain. In your case, I would hope that your parents would have some sort of partial custody, or at least that you got to see them both. You HAVE to work through it though. I shut down when it happened, and it was the worst decision I have ever made in my life. It ruined much of my life--that happened 9 years ago, and I'm still trying to fix repercussions caused by shutting down. I wish you the best man! Hope you don't have to go through it..

[Cognizant]

meh.. I dont want your guys' sympathy... but thanks, im sure things will be fine.

[ImCoolBeans]

1) Are your parents divorced? yes
2) How did you react? I was upset, but got over it in time.
3) If you were in my situation (even if your parents aren't divorced), how would you react/what would you do? I would probably react similarly to how I did with my parents, since the situation is very similar.

Also, another question for divorced people:
-What parent has custody over you, or is it partial? My mom had full custody and always has


I posted this in your thread in DL&G, I'll quote it here for you to see.


Hey, Pat. Parents splitting up or separating for a while is never an easy thing to go through as a kid. My parents split up when I was about 8 and I've never really forgiven my dad for it, or for all that he has done since that. It's not an ideal situation and certainly not something that you ever want to see your parents going through; but sometimes you have to realize that it is indeed for the better, and overall it might be better for them individually to separate.

Maintaining an unhealthy relationship isn't good for them, and will diminish their own happiness. Although it might be hard on your family, in the long run it might make things better. I'm sad that my parents aren't together anymore, but I've realized that if they were together right now there would be a lot of fighting, family issues and tension going around which could potentially ruin things at home. If their marriage is failing or going through a rut that it can't get out of, it might be best for them to split, for their happiness and well being.

It's a hard thing to accept and I wouldn't expect you to read this and magically agree - I hope you don't feel resentment after reading this - but hopefully in time things will work themselves out. Whether they get back together or not, I think you'll see what I mean a little down the line.

[CrossingtheCourtyard]

1) Are your parents divorced?
My mother and father separated when I was a toddler--around two.

2) How did you react?
Well, I was too young to really know, I suppose. I imagine I was rather distressed that one of my parental units was gone though.

3) If you were in my situation (even if your parents aren't divorced), how would you react/what would you do?
Let your parent's handle their business--talk to them about how you feel, but don't try and influence the situation. They need to decide what happens next for them.

Also, another question for divorced people:
-What parent has custody over you, or is it partial?
My mother had custody over me, but I am now--and have been since my early childhood--under the guardianship of my maternal grandparents.

[dontfiguremeout]

1) Are your parents divorced? yes
2) How did you react? I don't remember, they got divorced when I was like in 2nd grade (so super long time
3) If you were in my situation (even if your parents aren't divorced), how would you react/what would you do? Hmm, I wouldn't be shocked a whole lot, because I would be upset about what my mom has been doing. I mean my parents divorced because my dad basically did the same thing kinda.

Also, another question for divorced people:
-What parent has custody over you, or is it partial? My mom! I don't even wanna see my dad.

[LouBerry]

1)Yes, and my dad has re-married Four times.
2)I was really little with my Mom so I didn't really understand. But step-moms 1 and 3 were really hard on me. I really loved them, and I didn't understand how they could just leave.
3)You can't make your parents decisions for them, as much as you would like to. You just have to try and cope with it the best you can.
And for that bonus, I lived with my mom until she died, then with my dad.

[workingatperfect]

1) Yes, they divorced when I was 12, but they'd been sleeping in separate rooms for a few years
2) I was very happy about it, as I hated living with my dad and was aware of how unhappy my mom was.
3) I would just try to keep in mind that your dad is clearly very unhappy with how his life is right now and that this will hopefully make him happier and be better for both your parents' happiness.

My mom has custody over me and I see my dad every other weekend.