Sick of it all

[xXoblivionXx]

I'm just so tired of it all. I'm sick of lying, cutting, being depressed, crying, pushing people aways, everything. I want to die so badly but I can't. If I do I know I will go straight to hell. Everyday I try my best to put on a smile, to act happy so my family doesn't have to see me sad. They are so busy and do so much, I can't burden them more than I already do. Yesterday my dad came home at 11 pm. He had such a long day. He works so hard and does so much to support our family but I'm not good enough. He's to good of a man to have me as his daughter. I can't do this anymore. I was crying so much last night. I have to make a decision. I have to do what's right, but I don't know what is the right thing to do. I don't know what I want but I do know that I don't want this or to end up in a psych hospital. I'm trapped. I think I have driven myself crazy.

[OrKing]

I've read a few of you're posts; you seem like a really good person, any parent would be lucky to have a child as compassionate as you. About driving yourself crazy; we're all a little crazy! Hell, I'm fucking nuts, my most commonly used nickname in real life is sarcasm towards my sanity, lol. There's plenty of problem free kids in this world who simply just take and take off their parents without any thought or thankfulness to how they get it or how hard their parents had to work to get it for them; you're here with all you're own problems and yet you're still thinking about your parents.

Seriously; it's easy to see you're a good person, even if it is hard for you to see it yourself through the pain sometimes. Please, just be strong. Choose something you want to change and direct your strength towards that. I'm sorry I can't offer any proper advice, I've never had the cutting issue, but I do know about having to lie to hide you're emotions, it's hard; but just think about the days when you don't have to. If you're scared that expressing you're true feelings/emotions to you're friends will make them treat you differently; (I know I was for years, I grew up thinking expressing emotion was for pussy's, in blunt terms) then express it like you are now on these forums, I'm pretty sure there'll always be people who care, shit, I care, and I'm just some poor dickhead from a crappy part of England who beyond reading a couple of your posts, doesn't even know you. Imagine how much your parents must care If I find myself caring just by reading a couple of you're posts. Please, please stay strong. Everyday you go without doing one of the things that you feel cause you're depression is one that you can be proud of. And finally, to end this little rant of mine; you go to hell? Shit, if you think you'll be going to hell I don't even want to know where you're told they send people like me in you're culture, lol.

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

I'm just so tired of it all. I'm sick of lying, cutting, being depressed, crying, pushing people aways, everything. I want to die so badly but I can't. If I do I know I will go straight to hell. Everyday I try my best to put on a smile, to act happy so my family doesn't have to see me sad. They are so busy and do so much, I can't burden them more than I already do. Yesterday my dad came home at 11 pm. He had such a long day. He works so hard and does so much to support our family but I'm not good enough. He's to good of a man to have me as his daughter. I can't do this anymore. I was crying so much last night. I have to make a decision. I have to do what's right, but I don't know what is the right thing to do. I don't know what I want but I do know that I don't want this or to end up in a psych hospital. I'm trapped. I think I have driven myself crazy.
xYz, im sure youre a wonderful girl! You are only 14 and you got so much ahead of you, my girlfriend is 14 too and shes been through some tough stuff but im always there for her. And you gotta know people are there for you too! You ARE NOT a burden on your family! Everyone has issues, I do, i got many and you know your family loves you, they care about you. And theyll help you through things im sure if you talk to them. Try to relax and think things out take one day after they next and dont get ahead of yourself now. Please dont put yourself in a worse position than you are know or commit suicide. Especially that... its selfish, it hurts everyone and truly not a way out. Were all here and willin to help you! You gotta talk! And as OrKing said were all a little crazy, some more than others. :P I got so many damn issues that no one else has, i am in a bad spot right now and its putting alot of pressure on my girlfriend, I hate that it is and were trying to work through it. Just hold in there xYz you got so much ahead of you and better things will come! If you ever wanna talk message me, i cant PM at the moment haha i dont have 100 posts. But yeah leave a message and ill gladly talk or help you :)

[XxNINJAxX]

Hey xYz...,
I believe that you are a fanastic young girl becasue now matter what you can always pull through this and you are the very least a burden upon your family people will always be there for you becasue like the person above me I also have a girlfriend experiencing similar difficulties and no matter what I try to help her but the problem is she's worried I'll yell at her for her action but she's very wrong and if you even some how messages me I'd help you but the main thing I urge you to doors try to seek help becasue I also have experienced the same situation so I somewhat understand you as do many others and my younger brother foun out the I cut after I told him and the very next day he was untroubled so in order to draw the attention away from him he revealed my SECERT and I was mad with him and when my mum found out she burst into tears she ran away from home for two days she wouldn't talk to me my dad hit me and now I see a counselor and to e serious none of it had helped besides my mum leaving so then I realised that if my mum left for what I did every time ii did it she would leave so eventually I stopped for more the 45 days then I cut my ankle which was stupid if my and it's been a month still havnt done it and have lost every urge to do it and I hope you seek help becasue it will help. Stay strong

[xXoblivionXx]

I use to see a counselor but that didn't really help, I made it 33 days clean but then I relapsed. Ever since then I have been cutting on and off. It's just I have become so use to hiding my emotions and putting on a fake smile that I feel... I feel unreal. Every night it's always me alone in my room crying myself to sleep. I guess this is an act of me begin selfish because I won't let anyone help me...