Please help. I feel horrible and bad

[Everthehopeful]

Heres my problem:

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was dating a guy via skype, the internet and shiz and was madly in love with the guy she was dating. Having left school and not properly celebrated with her friends yet, she and three of her friends, two guys and a girl, go out drinking (yes. Boozing. It's illegal under the age of 18 here but we all do crazy stuff. This is not my problem and my own choice. I really know the consequences. I don't want to see anything about the under age drinking). So a game of Truth or Dare comes a long and the girl was dared to do a few things with one of the guys. Drunk out of her skull, the girl flirts with the guy a lot. Perhaps too much. Near/at the end of the game, he flips a coin and takes the girl to the bathroom where she asks what it's all about and he says this and then starts making out with her. He puts her on the side of the bathtub and instructs her to take her leggings off which she does. He then leans down and licks her out. Remembering the guy she's desperately in love with and realizing this is the sort of thing she should do with him and not this guy, she tells him to stop. He then asks her, once she has her leggings and things back on, if she has learned her lesson. Crying, she says she has and then tells him that she feels so bad and is a terrible girlfriend. He then tells her that she should be proud that she stopped it before it could carry on. He also tells her that they virtually did nothing so it was nothing to be ashamed about. So the rest of the night was spent with her giving the guy evils. She ended up video chatting to her boyfriend when she had a better and calmer temperament.

So that's what happened to me. I'm scared out of my mind and I want to tell my boyfriend but... I don't want to lose him. I feel like such a stupid slut. I don't want to touch alcohol again. Not for a very very long time.

How can I explain to my boyfriend about the situation? How can I tell him I'm honestly really and truly am sorry?

[Keith]

You have to say him the truth right away. Say sorry and say you wont do it again. Then its his choice if he forgives you or not. If yes youre very lucky if not its your own fault.

[OrKing]

Aye, I would tell him and hope for the best. We all do stupid shit when we're drunk; which is why I have a rule that I don't drink at all when I'm in a relationship; I've seen too many great couples (parents, brothers, brothers girlfriends, uncles and aunties, and friends) fuck their relationship up over a stupid thing they've done or said whilst drunk.

Try and tell him, gently and sincerely; if you're lucky he'll forgive you over time; hopefully knowing how drink can effect people. It was wrong to start the sexual ToD in the first place IMO, you probably should have said you were in a relationship and avoided the sexual dares altogether. Still, props for backing out of the oral; damn, that must of taken some mad willpower, I honestly hope you can work it out with your boyfriend. Whatever the outcome, please learn from this experience.

As for the actual question and not just my worthless opinion; I'm sorry, I don't have the answer. I've never had the urge or need to make an apology this sincere that I've been able too. I doubt there is a "proper" way or a "how to" for it I'm afraid, it wouldn't be so hard if there was. You just have to do it and hope for the best I guess; it's worth a try, you can't go on in the relationship with this guilt eating at you, but you also can't go on with him constantly holding the "but you did this" over you if he's not the forgiving type; I hope you can find the strength to do it, and I really hope it turns out as well as it possibly can. Good luck.

[Everthehopeful]

OK I did it. I told him everything. He's pissed off with me and imo he has every single right and reason to be... but he doesn't blame me. He blames the alcohol and the guy for taking advantage of me (even though I said it was my own fault as well as his). You guys really helped me. I was scared to tell him. I was really, honestly scared to tell him. But I showed him this thread instead and waited. The whole time I felt like I was going to wind up without him in my life. He hasn't forgiven me yet but I know him well enough to know he's on his way.

Thank you. Thank you so much, guys. I don't know how I could have done it...

[OrKing]

Damn, well done; I've known men who have struggled with shit like this for weeks with the guilt eating at them, I'm glad you were strong enough to tell him. I hope he's strong enough to forgive you too, you two seem like a good couple judging by the tiny hints that come through in these posts, it would be tragic for something as stupid as a night drinking to ruin that. Once again, good luck, and seriously; great job on telling him, that takes guts that a lot of men I've personally idolized as "strong" throughout my life have had major issues with finding.

[Keith]

Well done. Iam proud of you that youve got the curage;) youre a very lucky lady he doesnt blame you;) and dont let it happend again then everythings gonna be alright;)