Akasuki
July 5th, 2012, 10:04 PM
Okay, hi guys.
I have a big issue that's been bothering me for months and I'm afraid that if it goes on any longer, it will be the end of my girlfriend and I, and I really don't want that to happen.
I met my girlfriend online over 2 years ago. We were friends for a long time until December 2010, when we started dating. We met in person 3 weeks after.
I moved in with her in PA last November, leaving my family behind in CA.
It's been a long road since then and we haven't had any problems except one big one.
She's super controlling - physically and mentally - and she doesn't let me talk to people I like to talk to even if I only know them online.
This started a year ago when a friend of mine tried to kiss me. I completely blew her off and I told my girlfriend that I wasn't going to see her anymore ( I kept my word ).
I then started talking to my ex. My girlfriend thought that I was going to leave her for her, which I talked her out of and it never happened.
In January, a close friend said she liked me. For some reason, my girlfriend flipped out and started crying and told me that I couldn't talk to her anymore. I thought she was going through a phase of insecurity and I reassured her that everything was okay and I wasn't going to leave her for anyone.
It started getting worse. Every time I talked to the girl, she would literally pull me away from the computer and get on top of me and start kissing me, crying, etc. I started telling her that she can't do that, it hurts and she can't control who I talk to.
She got over the fact that I talked to the girl about a month later, but then I met a new friend online. I'll call her Z.
Z and I bonded pretty quickly. I considered her one of my friends within a few days of talking and I opened up to her about a lot.
I guess my girlfriend felt threatened by this and started pulling the " oh, you can't talk to her. She likes you too much, " thing, and I started getting more pissed off. I kept telling her that I won't leave her for anyone, etc etc.
Every time I talked to Z, she would shut my laptop when I was in the middle of typing something and she would pull me against her and keep me there.
I would get really ticked off and I tried to push away from her, and she would keep me against her so I wouldn't move.
One time, I rolled off of the bed and crawled to the floor ( it was really the only way I could get off of her ) and I ran out of the door to talk to her mom about it.
This would literally go on for months. It got to the point where I just gave in and stopped talking to Z because of it and it really, really hurt..
I've been dying to talk to her for like a week now and she and I started talking again behind my girlfriend's back.
I told my girlfriend that I started talking to her 3 days ago and she started the little freak out again, and it's just.. It hurts. It really does. I try not to keep anything away from my girl but she almost forces me to keep things secret and it breaks my heart.
She just held me down again, and I screamed at her to get off of me and I resort to hitting her sometimes to get her off because she will literally never get off until I promise her I won't talk to her ever again. I feel bad for hitting her, but it's really my last resort.. I love her so much, I don't want to lose her..
She knows how I feel and everything, and it's like she doesn't even care at all. She'll go through the entire " oh my God, I'm so sorry. I don't see how I would do this to you. I'll try harder " act, but it's never the truth. I've learned that her sorries are empty.
It's starting to get to the point where I think she's the one cheating on me because you know, the guilty point fingers. But all of my friends that know her tell me that she'd never do that, including her family.
I don't want to leave her. I really don't. It's the last thing I want to do. I just want my friend back, I want to be able to talk to whoever I want to, I don't want her to keep having to look over my shoulder. I want to be able to be trusted again ( I didn't even do anything in the first place )... and I want my old girlfriend back. I know if this keeps going, it's only going to get worse. She hasn't even been cheated on before, so I don't see why she's like this. I've asked her, and she says she doesn't know.
If I were to leave her, that wouldn't only mean that she and I are over, but I'd have to go back to CA, lose my job, my pets, my new family, my friends, my life, etc, and I have nothing in CA.
Please help. Please tell me something I can do to save our relationship.. I don't want to break up with her, but I don't want to stop talking to my friends. I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: I need advice. My girlfriend is controlling. She won't let me talk to a friend that means a lot to me. She pins me down and tells me I can't talk to them and doesn't let me go until I tell her that I won't. She looks over my shoulder almost constantly and she wants me all to herself.
I have a big issue that's been bothering me for months and I'm afraid that if it goes on any longer, it will be the end of my girlfriend and I, and I really don't want that to happen.
I met my girlfriend online over 2 years ago. We were friends for a long time until December 2010, when we started dating. We met in person 3 weeks after.
I moved in with her in PA last November, leaving my family behind in CA.
It's been a long road since then and we haven't had any problems except one big one.
She's super controlling - physically and mentally - and she doesn't let me talk to people I like to talk to even if I only know them online.
This started a year ago when a friend of mine tried to kiss me. I completely blew her off and I told my girlfriend that I wasn't going to see her anymore ( I kept my word ).
I then started talking to my ex. My girlfriend thought that I was going to leave her for her, which I talked her out of and it never happened.
In January, a close friend said she liked me. For some reason, my girlfriend flipped out and started crying and told me that I couldn't talk to her anymore. I thought she was going through a phase of insecurity and I reassured her that everything was okay and I wasn't going to leave her for anyone.
It started getting worse. Every time I talked to the girl, she would literally pull me away from the computer and get on top of me and start kissing me, crying, etc. I started telling her that she can't do that, it hurts and she can't control who I talk to.
She got over the fact that I talked to the girl about a month later, but then I met a new friend online. I'll call her Z.
Z and I bonded pretty quickly. I considered her one of my friends within a few days of talking and I opened up to her about a lot.
I guess my girlfriend felt threatened by this and started pulling the " oh, you can't talk to her. She likes you too much, " thing, and I started getting more pissed off. I kept telling her that I won't leave her for anyone, etc etc.
Every time I talked to Z, she would shut my laptop when I was in the middle of typing something and she would pull me against her and keep me there.
I would get really ticked off and I tried to push away from her, and she would keep me against her so I wouldn't move.
One time, I rolled off of the bed and crawled to the floor ( it was really the only way I could get off of her ) and I ran out of the door to talk to her mom about it.
This would literally go on for months. It got to the point where I just gave in and stopped talking to Z because of it and it really, really hurt..
I've been dying to talk to her for like a week now and she and I started talking again behind my girlfriend's back.
I told my girlfriend that I started talking to her 3 days ago and she started the little freak out again, and it's just.. It hurts. It really does. I try not to keep anything away from my girl but she almost forces me to keep things secret and it breaks my heart.
She just held me down again, and I screamed at her to get off of me and I resort to hitting her sometimes to get her off because she will literally never get off until I promise her I won't talk to her ever again. I feel bad for hitting her, but it's really my last resort.. I love her so much, I don't want to lose her..
She knows how I feel and everything, and it's like she doesn't even care at all. She'll go through the entire " oh my God, I'm so sorry. I don't see how I would do this to you. I'll try harder " act, but it's never the truth. I've learned that her sorries are empty.
It's starting to get to the point where I think she's the one cheating on me because you know, the guilty point fingers. But all of my friends that know her tell me that she'd never do that, including her family.
I don't want to leave her. I really don't. It's the last thing I want to do. I just want my friend back, I want to be able to talk to whoever I want to, I don't want her to keep having to look over my shoulder. I want to be able to be trusted again ( I didn't even do anything in the first place )... and I want my old girlfriend back. I know if this keeps going, it's only going to get worse. She hasn't even been cheated on before, so I don't see why she's like this. I've asked her, and she says she doesn't know.
If I were to leave her, that wouldn't only mean that she and I are over, but I'd have to go back to CA, lose my job, my pets, my new family, my friends, my life, etc, and I have nothing in CA.
Please help. Please tell me something I can do to save our relationship.. I don't want to break up with her, but I don't want to stop talking to my friends. I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: I need advice. My girlfriend is controlling. She won't let me talk to a friend that means a lot to me. She pins me down and tells me I can't talk to them and doesn't let me go until I tell her that I won't. She looks over my shoulder almost constantly and she wants me all to herself.