Final Flight: A Tale of Courage and Sacrifice

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Hey everyone this is my first short story to be posted on VT! I wrote this for my English summative (aced it :D ) so I put alot of effort into it. I will post it in 2 or 3 parts (depending on if you can wait to see what happens next :P ). Oh, and I apologize in advance if the structure looks crappy. In it's original format it read like a real book, but copying and pasting to the site from another program is fiddley as a bitch! Anyway, here goes:

Final Flight: A Tale of Courage and Sacrifice
By: James Formosa (that would be me :D )

“If you kill us Captain, you’re dead!� scoffed Gunnery Sergeant Nicholas Powell. The old veteran smiled and clapped Flight Captain Daniel “Danny Boy� Wilson on the back. Though he was only thirty-two years old, Sergeant Powell was considered to be an “old man� by the Royal Air Force’s standard, and Captain Wilson, fresh out of officer’s school, looked up to him, regarding him as the senior officer aboard their aircraft, the Rebecca.
The Rebecca was a beautiful aircraft; an Avro Lancaster Heavy Bomber, which coincidentally was manufactured near Powell’s hometown of Manchester. As beautiful as it was, the Rebecca was also deadly. Crewed by seven men, five of which manned powerful machineguns, the Rebecca was armed to the teeth; she bristled with firepower.
“Alright boys. Suit up. Flak jackets on,� Wilson ordered. The cheery atmosphere took on a more serious tone as the crew shuffled off to their respective stations, donning thick body armor as they went. On his first mission as Captain, Wilson made safety his highest priority. There was a reason a bomber crew had a life expectancy of a few weeks in service. “Is everyone settled in? I’m starting the engine startup sequence. Hold on to something!� Danny called as he opened the four throttle switches next to his thigh. A thunderous roar penetrated the cabin as four massive radial engines strained to pull the Rebecca free from the ground. Slowly, the nose of the aircraft rose into the air. The rest of the landing gear followed, and the Rebecca was airborne.
***
“Congratulations Danny Boy! I couldn’t have done it better myself. That is, if I knew how to fly,� exclaimed Johnny Wilkes, the radio operator. Suddenly he jerked upright at his station; sitting ramrod straight in his seat as if he had been struck by lightning.
“What is it? Bad news?� asked one of the Rebecca’s waist gunners nervously. The radioman seemed to jolt back to awareness; he quickly began jotting a small message on a sheet of paper, scribbling out the final syllables furiously. As soon as he finished writing, he reread the message in disbelief.
“What is it? What’s going on!?� yelled the tail gunner, Robert Mills. Johnny seemed to ignore him.
“Snap out of it! What is going on!� boomed Wilson. Wilkes finally managed to clear his throat and whisper:
“The airfield is under attack!�
The Captain did not hesitate. He immediately leaned into the cabin’s control column, turning the Rebecca back onto the course she recently vacated. Sounds similar to explosions could be hear in the distance; increasing in strength and volume as the Rebecca dove through the developing cloud cover.
“Load your weapons, boys. We’ll be in the thick of it in moments,� Powell said grimly. Metallic pings could be heard throughout the cabin as the five gunners loaded their massive Browning machineguns. On the flight deck, Captain Wilson addressed the crew over the intercom.
“Well, it looks like our original mission is scrapped. Pick your targets wisely; I don’t want you wasting ammunition. Good luck everyone, and God be with you,� he announced solemnly. Then the Rebecca cleared the cloud cover. The crew could not have been prepared for what they saw.
***

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Here comes Part 2! Remember, comments are greatly appreciated! And again I apologize for the crappy structure, I fiddled with it for a long time and can't get it any better than this, sorry :( .

“The airfield is fine! What’s this all about?� Daniel demanded. There was no visible damage, or sign of attack for that matter. Johnny wiped sweat from his brow nervously. He hunched over his equipment, translating his recorded message once more. Powell muscled past him and stood over Captain Wilson, listening intently.
“If the airfield hasn’t come under attack, then where did those explosions come from?� he pondered. The radioman looked up at him and shrugged meekly.
“I’m sorry. The excitement is a little too much for me, I guess. The message actually reported the location of a lone enemy fighter, which would be-“he gasped and looked over his shoulder.
“Behind us! He’s behind us, 7 o’clock high!� shouted Mills from the tail of the aircraft. Staccato bursts of gunfire resonated throughout the Rebecca, as Nick Powell hurriedly clambered into his machinegun station and added his fire to Mill’s defense.
***
The German fighter was known as a “bomber-killer� for a reason. It had firepower that nearly matched that of the Rebecca, but in a much smaller and nimble platform. It proceeded to prove this fact; peppering the Rebecca with molten lead from its four massive cannons.
***
“Engine four is out! Shut it down before she catches fire!� called Powell as he observed the engine, now riddled with bullets. The engine shuddered, threatening to break free from its frame; and still the fighter advanced. Nick threw up his hands and crawled back onto the main deck. “I haven’t got a shot at him, he dipped below us. Mills is the only one with a clear shot!� he growled.
***
Mills waited. At any moment, the fighter would regain altitude, and be directly in his sights. Ever so slowly he could hear the distinctive whine of the fighter’s engine draw closer. Closer. Then it appeared off of the starboard side. Mills carefully took aim. He marveled at the detailed camouflage covering the fighter, which he could clearly see at twenty meters. Then he fired all of his ammunition into the fighter’s engine.
Smoke, then flame streamed from the craft’s radiator as it struggled to gain altitude. The fighter was a mere ten feet from the Rebecca now. Realization hit Robert Mills like a hammer.
“He’s going to ram us! HOLD O-“Mills screamed as the fighter hit. Metal screeched as the fighter connected at the Rebecca’s midsection, its wing firmly wedged into her fuselage. The stresses on both craft proved too great. The fighter’s wing tore free from its frame, and remained wedged in the main structure as the now-wingless fighter spun crazily towards the earth.
***
“He bailed out! Yes. I see him there, below the clouds,� Wilson exclaimed. The Rebecca was listing horribly to one side, losing altitude steadily as it flew over Buckingham Palace. The fighter’s wing had destroyed most of the Rebecca’s controls, and she would soon crash.
“I think we should be going Captain. You won’t be able to land this thing; it’s almost over on its side now!� sighed Powell. The Captain nodded, and the rest of the crew jumped out of the Rebecca’s bomb bay doors, which Powell had opened promptly. Wilson had believed he was the only crew member that remained...

TO BE CONCLUDED :D I hope you all enjoy!

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Well here's the conclusion. Enjoy.... if anyone's been reading... :(

“Let’s land this baby. I managed to get out from under that wing. Blocked by intercom, it did. Everybody else bail out?� Mills asked in bewilderment. He had been cut off from the others, stuck in the tail of the aircraft. He had no knowledge of Wilson’s plan.
“Yes. They bailed out. Now you will too. I’m staying. I will not allow my ship to crash into Buckingham Palace,� Wilson said quietly.
“But you’ll need my help to land her. The controls-“Mills blurted.
“The controls are all but gone,� Wilson said as the very cables controlling the craft’s list dangled by his head. “Don’t you see? I’m not going to land her. I’m going to crash her. As far from the Palace as I can. Go Robert. You have your whole life ahead of you!� Wilson pleaded. Mills swallowed and shook his head stubbornly.
“I can’t abandon you like this!� Mills cried.
“Yes you can. It’ll be easy. I’ll help you, even,� replied Wilson. Confusion entered Robby’s mind as Wilson grabbed his parachute lever and kicked him in the chest, sending him out; falling away from the Rebecca with his parachute safely deployed. Wilson quickly returned to the cockpit; steeling himself for the eternity awaiting him.
***
Mills observed the final moments of the Rebecca’s final flight in frustration and overwhelming grief. The once beautiful aircraft took on the appearance of a dying whale as the gap between itself and the Buckingham Palace courtyard closed in seconds.
“God help those people. Danny!� Robert shouted as the Rebecca reached the roof of the Palace. The stress and previous damage must have been too great for such a steep dive. Engine four, destroyed by the German’s gunfire, tore free from the Rebecca’s wing and exploded harmlessly in mid-air, turning the Rebecca completely over with the force. Upside-down, the Rebecca narrowly missed the Union Jack flagpole in the center of the Palace roof , showering shrapnel and debris along her final flight path.
***
“Goodbye, Danny boy,� whispered Robert Mills. Still floating to earth, he saluted the growing tower of deathly-black smoke rising form the Palace courtyard, a funeral pyre fit for a king. Mills looked into the early morning sunrise where the rest of the Rebecca’s surviving crew also respectfully saluted the best Captain they ever had, albeit for only one mission. Captain Daniel “Danny Boy� Wilson had just graduated from the Royal Flight Academy one week earlier. He was only twenty-one years old…

THE END

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Please guys, I'd really like some feedback here. Constructive posts if you will. Thanks alot for taking the time to read this if you have in any case :wub: .

[The Resurrected One]

Very Shagadellic! :D

[Serenity]

lol Johnny let me say to you the same thing I said to ThatCanadianGuy in your thread: when posting in the Creative Writing forum, strive to give constructive criticism, positive or negative. Don't just leave shallow 'that's good' or 'that's bad' comments, tell what you liked or didn't like about it. IOW, leave comments that you would like left on your thread- I don't think you'd much appreciate 'Very Shagadellic!' after 6 chapters :P

AfterEdit:

Ok, I'm going to absolutely HATE myself tomorrow morning at 6:30 when I have to wake up and get ready for 7 hours of Band Camp, but I finally took the time to go through your story :) So.


By: James ------- (that would be me :D )

You probably shouldn't post your last name on the net. Just sayin.

The Rebecca was a beautiful aircraft; an Avro Lancaster Heavy Bomber, which coincidentally was manufactured near Powell’s hometown of Manchester. As beautiful as it was, the Rebecca was also deadly. Crewed by seven men, five of which manned powerful machineguns, the Rebecca was armed to the teeth; she bristled with firepower.

"The Rebecca" is rather repetitve. If my very limited knowledge proves correct, you can substitute "she." Same goes for the "it." Also, shouldn't it be five of whom?

I’m starting the engine startup sequence. Hold on to something!�

I suggest changing it to "beginning the engine startup sequence," starting and startup are awkwardly repetitive. And by saying "hold on to something" it rather gives the impression of dishevelment and not knowing what's going on. I think "hold on" would suffice to serve as a warning, but also conveys that it's a procedure they're used to and familiar with.

The rest of the landing gear followed, and the Rebecca was airborne.

Again, "The Rebecca" is getting repetitive. "She" would work just fine.

“Congratulations Danny Boy! I couldn’t have done it better myself. That is, if I knew how to fly,� exclaimed Johnny Wilkes, the radio operator.

Seeing as he wouldn't have actually exclaimed "That is, if I knew how to fly," you should split it into: '"Congratulations, Danny Boy!" Johnny Wilkes, the radio operator, exclaimed. "I couldn't have done it better myself. This is, if I knew how to fly." Suddenly...' Or something along those lines.


“What is it? Bad news?� asked one of the Rebecca’s waist gunners nervously.

Really, we understand that you are referring to the Rebecca. "One of the waist gunners."

Sounds similar to explosions could be hear in the distance; increasing in strength and volume as the Rebecca dove through the developing cloud cover.

Similar to explosions?? Are they explosions or aren't they? And I think a comma would be fine in place of the semi-colon.

“Well, it looks like our original mission is scrapped. Pick your targets wisely; I don’t want you wasting ammunition. Good luck everyone, and God be with you,� he announced solemnly. Then the Rebecca cleared the cloud cover.

That first sentence doesn't really reflect his solemnity. Also, you just used the phrase 'cloud cover.' Also repetitive.

Staccato bursts of gunfire resonated throughout the Rebecca, as Nick Powell hurriedly clambered into his machinegun station and added his fire to Mill’s defense.

You seem to be really fond of the word 'machinegun.' Lay off a bit- 'he clambered into his station.' Also, the last part is rather confusing. Was he defending Mill, with someone else by his side, or did he join Mill in defending the aircraft? I assume it's the latter, but it's unclear.

The German fighter was known as a “bomber-killer� for a reason.

This phrase, though not verbatim, was also used in the beginning. Again, repetitive.

It had firepower that nearly matched that of the Rebecca, but in a much smaller and nimble platform.

'and more nimble platform.'

“Engine four is out! Shut it down before she catches fire!� called Powell as he observed the engine, now riddled with bullets.

When one observes something, it is calmly and with some detail. The word

He marveled at the detailed camouflage covering the fighter, which he could clearly see at twenty meters. Then he fired all of his ammunition into the fighter’s engine.

I think you should add, "In the split second before firing, he marvelled..." just for clarification/reminding that he wasn't gazing at this fighter attacking them admiring how pretty it was :P Also, is it possible for him to fire all of his ammunition at once like that? I'm not up to speed on my aircrafts, but that just seems wrong.

Smoke, then flame streamed from the craft’s radiator as it struggled to gain altitude.

flames,

“I think we should be going Captain. You won’t be able to land this thing; it’s almost over on its side now!� sighed Powell.

Again, sighing just seems out of place here.

The Captain nodded, and the rest of the crew jumped out of the Rebecca’s bomb bay doors, which Powell had opened promptly.

Isn't there a better way of phrasing 'jumped out of the Rebecca's bomb bay doors?' Idk it just seems...not right.

“Let’s land this baby. I managed to get out from under that wing. Blocked by intercom, it did. Everybody else bail out?� Mills asked in bewilderment. He had been cut off from the others, stuck in the tail of the aircraft. He had no knowledge of Wilson’s plan.

You should definitely split his dialogue to establish who's speaking. Or begin with, 'Mills appeared in the [cockpit?? lol again, I'm not exactly up to date on aircrafts] "Let's land this baby. I managed to get out from under that wing. Blocked by the intercom, it did." Realizing he and the captain were alone, Mills looked around in bewilderment. "Everybody else bail out?"


“Yes. They bailed out. Now you will too. I’m staying. I will not allow my ship to crash into Buckingham Palace,� Wilson said quietly.

Again, I think you should split this. "Yes, they bailed out. And now you will too." Wilson said quietly. "I'm staying. I will not allow my ship to crash into Buckingham Palace."


Go Robert. You have your whole life ahead of you!� Wilson pleaded.

This is very awkward and out of context- he suddenly went from solemn and quiet to yelling and pleading, but without establishing the change. You should add in something like Wilson seeing the hesitance in his eyes and suddenly pleading with him to save himself.

Mills swallowed and shook his head stubbornly.
“I can’t abandon you like this!� Mills cried.

'Mills swallowed and shook his head stubbornly, crying, "I can't abandon you like this!"

The once beautiful aircraft took on the appearance of a dying whale as the gap between itself and the Buckingham Palace courtyard closed in seconds.

A dying whale? In the sky...? It's an interesting comparison but it doesn't quite work for me...

“Goodbye, Danny boy,� whispered Robert Mills. Still floating to earth, he saluted the growing tower of deathly-black smoke rising form the Palace courtyard, a funeral pyre fit for a king. Mills looked into the early morning sunrise where the rest of the Rebecca’s surviving crew also respectfully saluted the best Captain they ever had, albeit for only one mission. Captain Daniel “Danny Boy� Wilson had just graduated from the Royal Flight Academy one week earlier. He was only twenty-one years old…

WOW that was an extremely abrupt ending. It was going along great, and then it just seemed like you got sick of it so you wrapped it up as quickly as possible. I know that's not the case, but there's no real resolution to it- it just ends. Also, Mills is floating back to the ground still and sees his comrades in 'the early morning sunrise.' Are they also still floating back to the ground? If so, they would be quite far below him, wouldn't they? A little clarification there would be very benificial.

Overall, I liked it. You have some good sensory details, though I wouldn't cry if there were more, and an excellent vocabulary. My only real issue with it, obviously, was the repetition throughout. Other than that, bravo- a job very well done :daisy:

[ThatCanadianGuy]

My story is crap!!! :D

Nah... I know the story ended way too fast, but I had to limit it's length for my assignment (I hate it when they put restrictions on creativity). Otherwise I would have used MUCH more detailed descriptions, as well as fleshing out the characters. Also, the ending would not have been soo abrupt (and no I wasn't sick of it to wrap it up, I was just getting into it actually :D . Stupid school!!). However, I have alot to learn yet. Guess I just have to keep writing to get better and better!

Oh, about my name. Formosa is actually the former name for Taiwan (untill the island was renamed after World War 2) and is actually an EXTREMELY common Portugese name (which is weird since I have no Portugese relatives anywhere in my family tree :D) . If anyone tried to find me, they'd have to sift through hundreds of thousands of Formosa's! Especially in Brazil; I hear it's a real popular name there (Geez my heritage is all over the place :D ).

[Serenity]

Ah, the ever-hated length restrictions, my old foe :P Lol. Since this isn't school, though, why don't you revise it and add what you want?

[ThatCanadianGuy]

.....Well..... I'm lazy :D

But this assignment was weird (we were not allowed to see how they were marked... it was messed up) and I wanted to see how it was in it's original form. Now that it's out there I don't WANT to change it. I'll be able to look back at it in the future to see how far I've come! Who knows what adventures will surface in the next few months! ;)