IcarusLives
June 28th, 2012, 11:15 PM
We all have milestones in our life, some more important than others. Some of the most important of them go by, and often times, we're the only ones who even realize they have once they've passed.
A bit more than a year ago I was so convinced nothing would ever get better, that I was literally on the verge of killing myself. I didn't feel like slitting my wrists, hanging seemed horrible, couldn't exactly get a gun, especially being from Canada. So I had two bottles of prescription pills out, was away from home, and pretty well ready to go.
I can't remember why, but I gave myself fifteen months to live. If nothing changed by then, I figured nothing would ever change, and on that day, I would kill myself.
Each month I'd scratch off a number, and nothing was changing for the first six or seven.
Then things started to look up, I got therapy and got on Prozac, and I started to get back to my old self. My past was always there, but I was able to deal with it and move on with the help of therapy. And as for the lingering depression, Prozac was more than able to help me there too.
Everything was working out, and most everything still is now too, especially in comparison.
The reason why I'm writing this is because I see so many people who were in the same place as I was a year ago or so... And so many of them say the same thing, "things will never change", or "things never get better". Something along the lines of that.
Keep in mind that I believed in that so strongly, that I was going to kill myself. But something in me kept me from doing it that day. I decided to give life one last chance...
And to think of the things I wouldn't do if I hadn't. Even in the past year there's been so much I've experienced. So many things I've learned and done, so much to live for.
The world isn't perfect, but in reality, I can honestly say while I don't feel 100% all day every day, it's simply because things happen from time to time, but you can get through them.
I feel so much better now, I went to therapy for a while, got on Prozac to help with my depression, and the fact is while the metaphorical devil in my ear may always be there, the fact is I can honestly say I'm two trillion percent better.
So for everyone who's in the same place I was in about a year ago, I just want to let you know to never give up. Even in the worst of our life's situations, when we've gone through so much that we literally can't seem to take any more of it, there are people out there who care about you out there, and people who can, and honestly want to help. There's people who understand you. And one way or another, not to sound like a broken record, and I know you've all heard it before... But I can guarantee you that in time, things WILL get better.
I thought I might write this and bring this up, because the day I was supposed to kill myself on, interestingly enough, actually was yesterday... I hadn't even realized it until just tonight... Pretty chilling experience to have to think of.
Long story short, I didn't do it, and I don't regret it. Things get better.
Trust me, and keep smiling.
A bit more than a year ago I was so convinced nothing would ever get better, that I was literally on the verge of killing myself. I didn't feel like slitting my wrists, hanging seemed horrible, couldn't exactly get a gun, especially being from Canada. So I had two bottles of prescription pills out, was away from home, and pretty well ready to go.
I can't remember why, but I gave myself fifteen months to live. If nothing changed by then, I figured nothing would ever change, and on that day, I would kill myself.
Each month I'd scratch off a number, and nothing was changing for the first six or seven.
Then things started to look up, I got therapy and got on Prozac, and I started to get back to my old self. My past was always there, but I was able to deal with it and move on with the help of therapy. And as for the lingering depression, Prozac was more than able to help me there too.
Everything was working out, and most everything still is now too, especially in comparison.
The reason why I'm writing this is because I see so many people who were in the same place as I was a year ago or so... And so many of them say the same thing, "things will never change", or "things never get better". Something along the lines of that.
Keep in mind that I believed in that so strongly, that I was going to kill myself. But something in me kept me from doing it that day. I decided to give life one last chance...
And to think of the things I wouldn't do if I hadn't. Even in the past year there's been so much I've experienced. So many things I've learned and done, so much to live for.
The world isn't perfect, but in reality, I can honestly say while I don't feel 100% all day every day, it's simply because things happen from time to time, but you can get through them.
I feel so much better now, I went to therapy for a while, got on Prozac to help with my depression, and the fact is while the metaphorical devil in my ear may always be there, the fact is I can honestly say I'm two trillion percent better.
So for everyone who's in the same place I was in about a year ago, I just want to let you know to never give up. Even in the worst of our life's situations, when we've gone through so much that we literally can't seem to take any more of it, there are people out there who care about you out there, and people who can, and honestly want to help. There's people who understand you. And one way or another, not to sound like a broken record, and I know you've all heard it before... But I can guarantee you that in time, things WILL get better.
I thought I might write this and bring this up, because the day I was supposed to kill myself on, interestingly enough, actually was yesterday... I hadn't even realized it until just tonight... Pretty chilling experience to have to think of.
Long story short, I didn't do it, and I don't regret it. Things get better.
Trust me, and keep smiling.