i don't know what to call this

[Maiden]

a couple of years ago when i first started to work out at the gym i had no problems with my body, but i needed something to keep me motivated. so i started looking myself in the mirror and tell myself what i wanted to change, i've keept doing this for ever since and it has developed from teling myself what i want to change to hate and disgust,

it was gotten to the point where im i can't look myself in the mirror without flexing my body, and even then i just hate what i see, im having trouble to taking of my shirt in my room even though im all alone or just sit down in a t-shirt, all i can think about in those moments is how fat i am.


when it comes to food i've been counting callories and protein for as long as i can remember, im terrified to go above what i need for a day and just as terrified to go to low, as im just a scared to gain fat as i am to loosing the muscles i've gained over the years. i think this is the only thing that keeps me from stopping to eat completly.

Fuck me, i got abs, chest, arms etc, it was one of my goals to get but still all i can see is an ugly disgusting body, i've had people telling me that i got a "better" body then allot of people but i can't see how.
this tortures me everyday, all i want is to be comfortable with myself, but as soon as i take my shirt of i feel so fat.


sorry if this is in the wrong section, i just don't know what this is.

[Jupiter]

I wouldn't necessarily call it an eating disorder, just because you aren't eating above the normal amount of calories. I do want to point out that you can go above the normal calorie count everyday, because it really is different for everyone, because everyone has a different metabolism and everyone is different.

As for looking in the mirror, and not liking what you see, this is self image. Now think about it, self image is not really what you see in the mirror, it's what you think you see. This is how some disorders are formed, because they think that they are way heavier than they are.

[CanadaRocksEH]

i have the same feeling when i look at myself in the mirror, as for the eating, the amount of muscle that uve gained and how ur metabolism is firing u can eat more food, its prob better and healthier for u if u cheat here and there so ur body can get the change. its kinda like ur muscles, u gotta change it up every now and then.

also as for the disgust, be proud of urself for getting where u are, not many ppl could do what u did

[Mirage]

I also have no idea what to call this, this is a slightly strange scenario.

Really sorry that this is happening, can you maybe see a professional? That person may be able to help you better.

[Maiden]

I wouldn't necessarily call it an eating disorder, just because you aren't eating above the normal amount of calories. I do want to point out that you can go above the normal calorie count everyday, because it really is different for everyone, because everyone has a different metabolism and everyone is different.
the only reason i put the thread in this forum is because of how i though it would be if i weren't as scared to lose muscle as gaining fat.
the amount of calories i need/day is something that i've calculated myself by experementing etc.

i have the same feeling when i look at myself in the mirror, as for the eating, the amount of muscle that uve gained and how ur metabolism is firing u can eat more food, its prob better and healthier for u if u cheat here and there so ur body can get the change. its kinda like ur muscles, u gotta change it up every now and then.
ofcourse more muscle will require more energy, but the amount of calories you can cheat of without having any/any major loss of muscle is quite allot, thats why i've stayed on the same amount of calories.



Really sorry that this is happening, can you maybe see a professional? That person may be able to help you better.
maybe, but i don't know if i even want to/dare to. i thought about going to my school counselor for 3 years, but i never went.

[Fiction]

I'm not an expert but I would probably call this body dysmorphia. Basically, a condition where you have a skewed perception of your own body. It's a key part of many cases of anorexia, but as others have said, as you're not trying to lose weight and restrict your calories to extremely small quantities (unless you are and haven't mentioned it), I wouldn't,t call this anorexia.

Body dysmorphia is however a condition in it's own right. My suggestion is that you gain help for this. Talk to your parents, or a counsellor. I've had an eating disorder and I know that a preoccupation with your body is horrible.

Always here if you need someone to talk too :) x

[Gigablue]

It's probably not an eating disorder, but you may have body dysmorphic disorder. It is a disorder where you have obsessions with perceived flaws in your body and try to fix them, even though there is no flaw. You should tell your parents or your doctor and see a therapist. They will help you get over this.

[Maiden]

i will not tell my parents, i tried to tell my mom once about 2 years ago, she took like it was some kind of joke. that didn't make me feel any better,