I'm way too jealous of my girlfriend. (insecurity)

[henrietta1423]

Hey there, I'm 15 and today is my 4 month anniversary with my girlfriend. I like her more and more every day, and our relationship is going great, but I notice lately that I've become very jealous over small and insignificant things, and as I see the irrationality in it I become more upset over my jealousy. This is my first serious relationship, and probably the first time I've really liked someone in 2 or 3 years.

An example of my jealousy is that she told me she watches porn a lot tonight. I watch it too and it's not cheating, so why should I be upset over that? I knew she did for a while, but tonight I asked and she told me what kinds of vids she watches (hardcore, anal and gangbang) and where she watches/how often she watches, and it really upset me so much that I couldn't hide it. I know she won't cheat on me and that she likes me a ton too, so why should I be worried about how she gets off right? But the idea that she fantasizes about other men ****ing her and that I can't please her enough frustrates me, and especially the fact that she fantasizes about getting gangbanged. I asked her half jokingly if she wanted to get gangbanged and of course she told me no, just that it was fun to watch, and I know that's a lie but I'm not sure if I have any right to be upset. I mean i'm a huge hypocrite, I watch porn too, and maybe once in a while to be completely truthful I fantasize about other girls too, but I still hate that she does it too.

Maybe she thinks that her being sexual is a turn on, and I think the pre-in love me would agree, but ever since I've started going out with her I've turned into a completely different person than I thought I was. I used to think (not necessarily positively) that I was abrasive, logical, cocky, unromantic and relaxed; not melodramatic at all, and now I've become a weak, feminine, jealous, insecure p***y, even more so than my girlfriend!

I used to also get super upset over her past, even though I'm her first bf and she's only kissed 4 guys, and she had never done anything sexual before me. But i would get disturbed over simply knowing who she liked and flirted with (i'd call her an emotional whore, she liked a ton of people compared to me) and ESPECIALLY over the fact that she flirted with two of my best friends before talking to me, even though she's never cheated or really flirted with any other guys during our time together, except for one weekend i ignored her early in our relationship, and she half flirted with some guy. I forgive her for that though strangely, i guess since it was my fault.

It's ironic because early on i didn't feel this way at all, I hadn't had such strong emotions for her and I was chill about everything, but now I'm some uptight, obsessive insecure freak. Maybe this is TMI, but I've also never made her orgasm.. which i feel pretty shitty about. I've tried everything >.< And up until now I thought I was generally secure about myself, I know Ive got some great genes and qualities, but now I sometimes can't sleep because I'm so jealous. I feel like I've written way too much, especially to people who probably don't care, but i guess it's better than paying for a therapist who I know won't care, lol. Thanks in advance for reading this and giving advice Apart from venting, my main question is: Is my jealousy reasonable? How do I get over my jealousy? Where does it come from? I really don't want to lose this girl, and I know i might if I don't start relaxing.

[unnamed94]

of course your jealousy isnt reasonable. its not like she wants to do the stuff she watches on the videos. but well if you are a jealous person its pretty hard to change it. it doesnt have to do with the 'i watch porn too so why should i be jealous'. you are not a hypocrite for feeling like that or whatever, and should probably talk it with your gf. just try to control your jealousy to avoid having some more serious problems in the future that could come from this.

[Common Sense.]

Sounds like you have a lot of insecurities that should be delt with before getting too serious in a relationship.

[FreeFall]

1) Not everything we watch is something we want. Unless you 100% know she's lying, you thinking that your gf wants to be gangbanged, just because she watches it, disturbed me a little.
2) There's no such thing as an emotional whore. There's liking people and wondering if you'd be good with them especially when she was single.

You don't sound "weak or feminine" to me at all. Jealous and insecure yes and uptight and obsessive yes. You're being unreasonable and you need to work on it before it escalates to something more or you are going to lose her. You need to sit down one day, completely alone. No computer, no music, no phone or texting. Just you and yourself, and sit and think for as long as you can. Then write, write down everything you feel and try and connect it for yourself. Do this as many times a week as you need. If you feel it's not helping, you may need to explain yourself to her and see if she can help you.

[Bluesman]

Is it reasonable: no, it's not. I know where you're coming from though. Me and my ex were together for 13 months. When we first started dating I was jealous AS HELL. She had done sexual stuff over the phone and sexted with other guys before me. I had too, but I totally FLIPPED about it. Same with kissing other guys. She was my first kiss, so I got insanely jealous that she "didnt save herself for me." Now I realize WHAT THE FUCK!? She didn't even know me then! How would she save herself in any way for someone she didnt know existed! We came very close to breaking up over it. I know I made her feel like shit. Fast forward to now: I started dating the girl of my dreams. We almost broke up because of how I was making her feel in general. Jealousy, insecurity; girls see that as a lack of trust. Trust me, a girl wants you to know and trust that she won't cheat on you. And that she means nothing against you by the things she's doing. Jealousy from a guys standpoint is (in my opinion) good intentions and caring about her, but it comes off WAY different than you mean it. You two need to sit down next to eachother and explain everything to her that you've just explained to us. Communication might help you guys out a lot. You need to trust eachother if you want anything to last, but more importantly, you need to talk to eachother. She's your girl. You need to be able to talk about things. In my mind, thats the only solution.

[georgee1]

maybe you two are looking for 2 totally different things in a relationship. talk to her never helps to hold it in or act like everything is okay when it isn't for you

[inexracercjd]

u prolly got jealous over the porn thing cuz ur mind prolly took it as she wasnt turned on by u so she had 2 watch porn 2 be turned on where she is prolly saying those things 2 turn u on i can see though y thatd make u jealous i think i would feel that way 2 we want 2 think we turn our gfs on but ya u need 2 talk 2 her about it all and be honest with her maybe theres things u do or say 2 her that makes her jealous 2 never know talking wont hurt nothing just be nice about it i doubt shes trying 2 make u feel jealous as if u say things that make her jealous that u dont know about i doubt u do it 2 make her jealous talking can only make things better u mite both learn something that will make u a better couple :)

[tom2k9]

I feel exactly the same, some of these responses have helped me too :) jealousy is a bitch :(