The train platform is calling me now.

[Magenta]

I don't care I just posted another thread yesterday or the other day, I don't even know, I can't even tell the days apart anymore.

A girl from my school jumped in front of a train last month. All it's done is given me ideas. I wish I could be sympathetic, I really do. But no. All I know is I can't fail that. I'm trying every other way first but if that doesn't work, I have to.

School is over, my friends are gone. I don't think I'll be around much longer. After Saturday's memorial for my math teacher, I have no reason to be here anymore. Tonight, my mum found my exacto on the edge of the tub. My meds were going to make me commit if this doesn't. A friend finally messaged me after a year of ignoring me and two weeks of me begging her for an explanation.

"I do still care about you, but I just can’t get involved again. I really can’t. I’m sorry but I can’t be worrying about you every other second, I can’t blame myself every time you threaten to hurt yourself. It’s too much, but I do really hope that you get better. Honestly I wish you the best"

That's all I am. A burden, a freak, nothing. I have to get out of here, I have to. I cannot do this anymore. I have no life left.

I've decided this: I'm staying alive until my psychiatrist appointment on Monday. If he just tries to give me more pills or say I'm a 'little depressed' or to give it time, I'm jumping on the way home. This is it. I'm done.

[Cognizant]

Please, please, please dont. That's all I can say. I don't care how cheesy it is, but many people think differently about you and would be devastated if you took your life; Your family, friends, and even us here at VT all care about you.
I'd be devastated if you took your life away
Please, don't. I can promise you that even if things look bad, they will get better. I know you don't know me, or like me for that matter, but please... don't do it.

[Magenta]

I don't know what to do. Out of all nights too for my mother to give up and just hand my sharpest knife back to me... I can't do this... everyone's gone, no one stays, everyone leaves me and because I just shouldn't exist...

[AHCarbon]

To all of you: I know how you feel. BUT DON'T DO IT! You have a reason to live. You were made for a reason. You're the world to someone and you may not even know it. I may not know you personally, but I beg you to talk to someone or get help! I feel the same way you do.

[Magenta]

A friend calmed me down and Ron talked to me so I'm sort of okay now, I think. Just really fucking light-headed and exhausted so I think I may go to bed before I faint. My ex-girlfriend said she'd come over tomorrow.

I just... I've hit a point where I can't even see the next two minutes let alone the next four days. My friend says I need to get help and I know I do but my trust levels (long story, can't explain) have plummeted so much after this it's going to take months, even years to make up for tonight which has basically torn down all I've been working on in treatment for two years now. I didn't even realize how much I'd done until it fell apart in front of me.

Right, I'm dizzy, going to bed.

[Smeagol]

Good luck Jo :hug: Please don't commit suicide, I know everybody's said this, I'll say it again. I hope you are feeling better soon.

[Magenta]

I'm trying. I just don't even know how to stay alive.

[Smeagol]

Well, can you find some motivation to stay alive? Try working on your art. Draw, paint, do photography. Pet your cat. Read a good book. I wish I could come to Toronto to be with you :hug: I believe that you can do this, you were strong and made it to 17, you can make it to 80 and older, and when you're alive then you'll be very happy you didn't end it all.

[Mortal Coil]

Jo, please don't. It's not worth it, really. If you won't reconsider for yourself, then think of all the other people you'll be hurting. Jumping in front of a vehicle is forcing someone else to commit murder against their will. You're going to give people PTSD which will haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Not to mention the fact that you have a future. You have a life, and can make it through this. It's not your fault that people are abandoning you; they're too weak to understand it. But please, please don't kill yourself :hug:

[Emperor Penguin]

Can I hear more about the train incident please?

[Magenta]

A girl at school commit suicide. She jumped in front of the train that we get off for school at. When you've been suicidal since you were ten years old, well, it seems like a pretty good idea when you really start thinking about the fact someone did it. Not just anyone. Someone you knew. When you were one station away just as she did it. Hardly a kilometer away.

I don't know.

I'm exhausted now, just fed up and tired, it probably doesn't even matter. I'm a coward, I couldn't jump in front of a train like the fucking useless garbage I am.

[Montesquieu15]

Theres not much I think I could say. Please don't. Seeing that the community here on VT doesnt want you to and I dont want you to, it shows there ARE people that care. and there are people that carewho want to be part of your life if they could. Just please don't.

[sunshine_gurl]

So you want to kill yourself? Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you, right?No. Your parents walk in your room in the morning & find a dead body. They’ll try their hardest to not think negative, & just think you’re fooling around. They’ll start to shake you. Why aren’t you breathing? They’ll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed. Was it..them? Were they the reason you did this?More tears. Pain. Every night. Every day. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt. What about your bestfriend? They won’t care, right? No. What’s the first thing that’ll go through their mind when the principal comes in to tell your class that you’re not alive? While your bestfriend sits there in tears, that girl that you’d never talked to, but smiled at, is in tears too. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you, he’ll be shocked. Devestated. He’ll blame himself. What about your teacher? Thoughts crossing her mind. She’ll question if you did it because she didn’t make you feel comfortable in school. Pain. Devestation. All in one. Who organizes your funeral? Who has to go through your stuff?Clothes. Notes. All of it. See, if you kill yourself, you’ll never know what might happen tomorrow. Because you’re dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead. Your family hates themselves for it. Your bestfriend falls into a depression. Tears. Tears. Then more tears. Then a river. All because you killed yourself because you thought no one would care, right? You are loved. By many. Someone right now is thinking about you. You are beautiful. No matter if you’re black, white, homosexual, tall, short, overweight, or anorexi. You are beautiful. There’s no coming back if you do this. & I promise you, if you do this, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many. You are creating more tears than you led yourself to. You are making them all feel guilt & pain. Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you. You are beautiful. & you are NEVER alone

Dont do it. Its not worth it. People love you more than you think. People have it harder than you. I know that that doesnt change much, but its true. Obviously everyone here loves you. You cant do it.

[asdfghjkl1234567890]

*removed*

[Kingbodz]

I think everyone here wants you to live so dont do it.