Nevermore
June 20th, 2012, 11:19 PM
So I got "triggered". I found out, that my weight, isn't that low... and now I just want to lose the most out of the people I know. My friend Amber was 68 lbs when she had a seizure and had to go to the hospital, she's 18 and 5"4. My friend Nikki a little shorter got to 65 lbs. Now I feel like a fat ass. I'm 95 lbs. My goal weight is 88 lbs for my first goal weight, and the second 78, then 68, if I can even go that far. I'm just so anxious, I feel so fat.. I know I need help, but I can't do it, I can't go and get it, because i don't feel "thin" enough. Last time they diagnosed me with EDNOS, because I didn't lose my period for 3 months, only 2. Otherwise I would've been anorexic, well congrats to me.. I've lost it for 6 months now, got it this month, which was weird, considering I lost, not gained. So now if I go back I won the "title" of anorexia neverosa. I know I shouldn't feel like I need it, but I do. I'm dependent on it. I can't function with out it. I feel like it's my identity. People are noticing it.. and making fun of me for it. I'm becoming much more isolated and I hate that. I feel like they are just secretly jealous because I'm thinner. Even though in reality, I feel fatter then them. I feel awful about myself. I don't know how to get ED out of my head, I don't even know if I want him out of my head. I just want to be thin..... arghh! >.<