Aspergers social probs

[LewisA]

Hi, my name is Lewis, i am a student at a sixth form and study five A levels.

I am looking for some advice on how to make some friends irl, i have a form of Autism called Aspergers, because of this i struggle to socialise with people and make friends and i find it really hard. I have no social life really and spend all day inside four walls and its a real pain when i see everyone else updating their facebook statuses of their days out with their friends or their great nights.

I hope someone knows a way that i can improve, i know a few ways but they aren't always the best. For example Alcohol and Energy drinks. These work but they often get me into trouble with my parents and cause arguements. I need a way in which i can be more social without getting into trouble.

I have tried joining clubs and groups but this does not help as in the end i only end up sitting back and being quiet. Even my closest friends i do not speak to much. Its really hard because i don't even have a girlfriend and that is something i really want; to have a really close bond that noone can break in any way.

Any advice, no matter how much or how helpful is useful to me please help.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

[ackmedsgirl666]

aweeee hunnie. ill be your friend lol. i have a bestfriend who also has asbergers disease. basically try and act like yourself like see if you can find any people who have things in common with you. who knows there may be people around you who share the same disability

[LewisA]

Sounds like a good idea, do you know the best place to find people nearby with the same disability?

[ackmedsgirl666]

well there can be online chat rooms
or even there may be a community group you can join like special olympics or something

[LewisA]

I'll look, thanks :)

[ackmedsgirl666]

no problem
feel free to pm me with questions or add me as a friend

[LewisA]

Hope i get some good advice soon :)

[LewisA]

is there a way to bump?

[wild1]

The only thing I can think of to help is for you to show more of yourself and feelings to other people. The more you do it, the more they'll love you and you'll make a lot of friends and have a girlfriend. :)

[Skyhawk]

Thank you so much for simplifying what Asperger syndrome really was. I googled it once, I must have been tired because it looked like gibberish to me...lol

Well, I don't know if this will help but you can probably google some autism forums that might have some Asperger peeps.

[Noirtier]

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I have Aspergers myself. I have had to push myself, a lot, to make friends. One of the things that has helped me the most, though, is I told my best friend--who is quite outgoing--that I have Aspergers and I personally asked him to push me a little to help me become more outgoing and social. And he did just that, and I can't thank him enough for it. I hope I helped :)

[DarkHorse4eva]

I also have autism and i always followed after my best friend, now im in a special class for kids with autism, aspergers and ADHD, first when i got there i didnt have any friends but now im friends with them all because we have something in common,
Try to find a forum or something like that where u can talk with like u and me

[Smeagol]

I understand your problem. One of my best friends has Aspbergers, and he didn't tell anybody. They thought he didn't like people and always left him out.
Good luck, I hope you make a lot of friends :)

[Montesquieu15]

With the clubs and groups, you have to give it some time. You plant the seed, then the trees grow. And trees don't grow in 5-7 months. They take years, 10-15 years. Of course, your case won't take that long. But you get the metaphor.

I usually take some time to get comfortable with groups. Even though I try to get to know the person and think I know them, it takes time for me to actually get comfortable with them. Like you, I usually end up sitting back and staying quiet. But then again, I don't have the condition, so I don't know.

I really hope sharing this helps : )

[LewisA]

Thanks everyone for the advice so far, the idea of telling my best friend that i have it is a possibility but i find it hard to ask for things :/ i can try but im not sure how she can help me socially as im not the most popular kid either

[wild1]

Thanks everyone for the advice so far, the idea of telling my best friend that i have it is a possibility but i find it hard to ask for things :/ i can try but im not sure how she can help me socially as im not the most popular kid either

Okay, this is what you can do and I understand you're shy but you can anyhow ..... think of somebody you like but never talk to, then walk over when they're alone or its quieter tell he/she you think they're cool or whatever you like about them.... maybe say something funny if you can think of something or about xbox or a movie you've seen ... and just smile. You'll make some friends. You can do it.:)

[Montesquieu15]

Okay, this is what you can do and I understand you're shy but you can anyhow ..... think of somebody you like but never talk to, then walk over when they're alone or its quieter tell he/she you think they're cool or whatever you like about them.... maybe say something funny if you can think of something or about xbox or a movie you've seen ... and just smile. You'll make some friends. You can do it.:)

Sounds like good advice :)

Try it.

[Gordo]

people talk being yourself, joining a club etc.

How about this approach. Go do something you like to do, whatever that is and be passionate about it. Find out how good you can get. It would be best if it was a sport of some sort, but it could be something cerebral. Then join a group that does whatever it is you are trying to master.

The reason I say a sport is probably best is because you don't really have to talk, but your part of something and over time, maybe a half season or a season, you'll choose to be more social because your surrounded by like minded people.

It could be anything, really. Soccer/football, basketball, cricket, tennis, running, something in track and field.

If you think about sports, people talk about them a lot, but while actually doing them, it's not that social, but before and after practice and games, it's social and fun.

For example a long distance runner, swimmer, pitcher in baseball are all part of a team, but while they are actually doing it, it's pretty solitary. In America, most baseball players don't talk to the current pitcher between innings in the dugout. Can't have a conversation while running or swimming competitively.

Plus you can ease you way in. In fact, you could choose to not talk at all or much, but once your team mates are around you, they'll start talking to you even if you are really quiet.

On my team (lacrosse) there are 3-4 guys i don't even like and vice versa, yet I talk to them some. I'm decent to them in the off season or in the halls or in the locker room. In practice, if we aren't getting a play right we get called to a huddle to talk about it, find out who isn't doing what we thought they would do and settle any confusion etc.

It's my opinion that sports allows you to ease your way into relationships if you want to or jump right in if you want to. To me, that's just one of the amazing things about sports.

[LewisA]

I forgot to say that i also have ADHD and take concerta 54mg, this makes my social problems even worse and its like im afraid to approach people. Anyone else have aspergers and ADHD/ADD?

[Mikedamaniak]

I totally agree with the guy 2 above me, sports is good. Ideally you want something more aggressive, like football, or thrilling and risky like rock climbing. Not that you want to be a total sports nut or daredevil (i dunno maybe you do).