Pedophile.

[Sephtyan]

I am a pedophile. People tell me that I must be above a certain age to be a pedophile, that you can't be one if you are still a kid, but it doesn't change the fact that I have a fetish for children.
I've heard people say that rape is more about control than it is about sex. The thing is, all I'm interested in is the physical appearance of a child. I've also been told that fantasizing about the pre-pubescent form is common, but the ages that I'm talking about are from 3-7. I know that this is not normal. I understand the devastating psychological damage that would come from a child that is not ready to deal with something of that magnitude being forced into any amount of sexual acts.
My fetish for children doesn't even get in the way of my interactions with them, most of the time it's not on my mind, even when playing with them or walking through a playground. I don't feel a very strong attraction to them, as I can easily bring myself to leave and such. I have a sister that is about 4, and I can easily be at home alone with her and help her with homework, play a video game with her, or even help her use the bathroom without a single bad thought crossing my mind. And yet nothing helps me get one off easier than the thought of criminally young forms.
One very difficult part of this is that I'm very resistant to change. I have a naturally very stubborn outlook on life and I'm very much in tune to the whole "Don't deny who you are and what you like" thing, as I feel it is a moral crime to try and deprive yourself of something you like or love. I don't feel I need or want help. I'm not even sure why I'm putting this here, but I can speculate that I just want somebody to hear it and know that this is a thing that I live with.
If anybody has any questions, please feel free to ask!

TL;DR I like children sexually and don't know what to do.

[Breakeven]

try to fight those feelings and get help , how would u feel if a guy same as ur age think "bad" thoughts about ur 4 years old sis?

[ackmedsgirl666]

you should get help before you do make any moves you regret and then do end up being known as you say a pedophile. its not the kind of name that you want for yourself. maybe its just a fetish you have idk but you should get help before its too late.

[Mortal Coil]

It's good that you have control over your urges, but I would urge you to get help, before you lose that control. You don't want to go to jail or anything because of your sexuality. Stay strong :hug:

[Will Grigg's on Fire]

As all the others said, go look for help. A psychologist can help you overcome your problem before it becomes serious and you go off and do something you will regret...

Believe me... You have to seek help before it grows on you and your urges cause you to be sent to prison.

It is a very good sign that you are aware of this already and know that something is wrong with you in that sense...

[Sleepwalking]

You have courage posting this here.
Yes, it is a bad thing, but it shows you are willing to accept help, and that you want it.
As others have suggested, you should go see a psychologist. It may help get rid of those thoughts, before you act upon them.
Though you said you wouldn't, you don't truly know how much self control you have. Good luck, and I hope you talk to someone who helps you.

xx

[Stryker125]

Technically anyone who is above the age of 16 and has those sorts of attractions to people at least 6 years younger can be considered pedophiles. So if anyone tells you you're not a pedophile because you're not old, go tell them to learn 'em 'sum.

I think it's pretty commendable that you put forth effort in controlling those urges, and this kind of issue is definitely a bit of a soft spot for me, as a close friend of mine has been effected by this kind of thing (and no, it's not what anyone reading this might be thinking). That said, I definitely know what kind of psychological and emotional damage could be caused to a child if you were to ever let your urges get the best of you. Like the others said, maybe it's best to get a good psychiatrist to help you work through this, and overcome it or at least keep it under control.

[Sephtyan]

I'm sorry, my original post was a spur-of-the-moment thing, so I didn't do a very good job of getting my real question across. Heck, at the time, I didn't even know what my 'real question' was. So here's my refined question: "How do I deal with the lifetime of hollowness."
First, thanks for replying and trying to help. It says something about the readiness and willingness to help anybody with any problem. Thanks.
So, You guys have told me that I have a fair amount of self-control to keep my urges from being a problem. The thing is, though... I don't have urges. Imagine having been imbued from near-birth with the want for some super power. You will fantasize about what you would do while having the super power during your more idle moments. You'll doze off in class thinking about bursting out of your seat with your new super power, watching everybody's reaction as you use it. You occasionally even dream about it. But all through this, you know that it is something absolutely unattainable. For your entire life, you keep revisiting the idea of your fuck-awesome super powers, but you have this hollow feeling stemming from that gap between your imagination and the limitations of reality.
This is how I feel about this topic.
I also have a pretty strong empathetic side, and that keeps me from really even... considering starting anything. If anyone knows of the show "Curb your Enthusiasm", you'll know about the strongly awkward situations that are constantly portrayed. I can't watch the show as my empathy link makes me feel like I'm there, as though I'm stuck in the center of whatever skit is going on. Just watching the show makes me feel like I'm going to burst into flame from embarrassment and shame. This is what keeps me from attempting to mess up any kid's psyches.

I'm so sorry about the wall of text.