Rant... sort of.

[xXoblivionXx]

I haven't cut for 19 days, but for the past couple of days the urges have been a bit overwhelming. I have convinced myself that cutting isn't bad. It makes me feel better, it wakes me up to reality, and it makes the pain go away. Cutting is the one thing that I can control in my life. Now that it is summer and I'm going to high school next year my counselor can't stop me and I will just tell my friends that I stopped. Today my mom saw my scars on my arm and asked what is that. I told her that I don't know, it has been itchy so I have been scratching it. She said okay, then continued doing what she was doing. She doesn't care, no one does. This time I'm going to cut on my thighs so no one will see and this time, I'm not going to tell anyone. When I do, I rely to much on them, I make them upset and disappointed. Cutting is not a bad thing, my existence is a bad thing and cutting is only trying to fix it.

[Carly011]

Hun...please dont. Please. Its not worth it. Cutting is NOT ok. You have been doing SO GOOD. Its not that your mom doesnt care, she just doenst want to believe her daughter is in that much pain. My mom did the SAME thing. Your existence is NOT a bad thing, its a GREAT thing. I don't know what i would do without you!! Please dont cut. You have gone 19 days, that is AMAZING and i am SO proud of you.

[StoppingTime]

Cutting can not be controlled. It will turn into an addiction. There's no question or argument there, sadly.
Nobody can force you to stop but yourself, and sometimes, you have to do it for yourself. Relying on other people does not always work, as you have described. Sometimes, just try to do it for yourself, along with others. Remember that you have a future ahead of you with so many possibilities, and cutting is only holding you back. Even though nobody else will know anymore, you still will. You will still have to go hiding this from people.
It isn't that your mother doesn't care, it's that she doesn't truly understand what's bothering you. It's hard to make assumptions in cases like this, so she's just trying not to think about it.
Your existence is not the bad thing, and it never will be.
Stay strong, you can do this. :hug:

[Carly011]

C
Nobody can force you to stop but yourself, and sometimes, you have to do it for yourself. Relying on other people does not always work, as you have described. Sometimes, just try to do it for yourself, along with others.

Thankfully she didn't do it!! she doesn't give herself enough credit, she is so strong!

Im proud of you for not cutting hun!! :)

[xXoblivionXx]

Carly, I'm not that strong... the fact that I started cutting makes me a weak person.

[Carly011]

Carly, I'm not that strong... the fact that I started cutting makes me a weak person.

NO it doesn't. IT means you had a ton of things going on and you needed a way to cope. You are not weak. Starting to cut doenst take any strength, its the quitting that requires courage and strength. The fact that you realized this wasnt a good choice and made a choice to stop makes you strong. The fact that we are surviving this, makes us strong! Not the fact that we started cutting in the first place, but the fact that we are FIGHTING it

[xXoblivionXx]

one can only fight for so long...

[Mortal Coil]

Look. You're already addicted. I don't condone cutting or self-destructive behavior, but it's also important to recognize that it's not as bad as killing yourself. If it keeps you alive, and trying to quit only makes you more depressed, then you can wait before you try quitting. It's not the kind of thing you can do until you are 100% READY to quit.

Stay strong, beautiful :hug3: