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View Full Version : Kind of.. sad.


Princess Ariel
June 9th, 2012, 12:23 PM
Just 2 weeks ago I posted a new thread in here and look. Here's another.

Well.. god. Where to begin.

I was at a friends birthday party last night and things got a bit... sexual. There was this guy and since there was no chairs left and the floor was covered in spilled beer I was sitting on him. He gave me a light show (like what they do in raves) and me being shit faced... was watching it. The next thing I know my lips are in the corner of his. He kept on pushing me towards his lips no matter how much I pushed away. So... I eventually gave in and I think the rest is pretty self explanatory. I then migrated over to Chloe and sat on her. Then my friend Yael went over and started making out with him. I wasn't jealous since I was going on with Chloe. But the thing is. That was Yael's first kiss. He then took me over and continued. He then proceeded to abusive the fact I was so shit faced and continued to dry hump me. He also saw my legs and just kept questioning it.. My arms are pretty brown so I don't think he saw it. Plus we were outside.... alone. He went down in my bra and started licking, gave me a hickey on both boobs and just.. ugh. I was so scared that he was going to rape me and even on the taxi cab ride back and in bed sleeping. Even at home as I type this I'm terrified. Whenever I close my eyes I see him. He was forcing me to dry hump him. this and that. He wanted to have sex as well which scared me. I kept on mouthing "Help me" to Rachel, Carla and Yael but they just watched which brings me to the fact that the majority of my friends are dicks and don't care. Once I got off and talked to Angelica since she was the worst out of us all since she was the one to puke. I had to look out for Yael since it was her first time drinking.. But I failed and I feel like shit. Sitting on the couch when he was out smoking weed with his friends I was texting a friend and convinced me to call a taxi. But before this he comes in and starts apologizing. It's almost as if he wanted to continue but was forced to apologize. I felt like he was going to rape me as I sat there listening. I felt like I was going to pass out (I was a fair bit drunk) and rape me. I was raped not that long ago. This year actually and I haven't told anyone (till now) and was raped when I was younger. This is why I always hate going on my street at dark. I even have issues with it on my way to and from school and it's in broad daylight.
I got in the taxi and was texting 2 friends. One at the party since she was really worried about me and another who wasn't but is pretty fucking amazing. I texted the one who was at the party till about 2 and the other till.. 1:30 I think.. I don't know. I was so shaken up about it and I still am. They both calmed me down on the taxi ride but I felt like.. I was keeping them up. That I was bothering them when they could've been sleeping.
Whenever I close my eyes even to blink I see his face. I can't.. I can't anymore.
I felt scared for my life and I actually gave a damn about it. I'm not sure why since I was feeling suicidal all day yesterday. But I was so scared. Now that i'm sober I know that he couldn't have killed me, but now I kinda wish I stayed so he could. He was the guy that carried 4 bottle openers and a swiss army knife plus there's something about him that just screams "I have a gun"

I just don't know what to do..

ApresMidi
June 9th, 2012, 02:44 PM
You poor thing.

Why have you not told anyone about the rape this year? It seems as if thats really hanging over you ; do you trust your parents enough to tell them? A confidential call?

The friends you thought you were bothering... trust me, if you were bothering them, they would have slept, the fact they replied and stayed up, shows they do, trust them they sound like gems . Talk to them??

I'm sorry, I dont know what to do about seeing his face when you close your eyes. I've been .. assaulted in a way before but it was expressed more in a slight fear of men/teen boys from the local state school [ sounds bad but I feel safer with the private ones, the ones who assaulted me were like, skanky kids from my old school]

Do you have a councillor? A doctor? Not a doctor but they might be able to prescribe sleeping pills or get you better help. If you do a a therapist and these things haunt you so much,are suicidal and cant confide in them ,I'd be on the hunt for a new one.

Maybe lay off the alcohol for a bit? I dont know if you do drugs , if you do lay off them for a while too. Makes things worse.

I'm sorry I'm useless, I've only been in a watered down version of what you've experienced.
I hope your okay. I'll worry about you otherwise :D