Close to Relapse... again.

[xXoblivionXx]

I think I might relapse tonight. I made it almost 17 days but I feel like I'm losing it, right now cutting is like a scratch to what I might do. I think I'm just going to end it all. I don't think I can do this anymore. I have no purpose :( I just want this burden to go away, I want me to go away...

[ShatteredGlass]

Everyday is a battle you have to find something greater than simply stopping to keep you from going back. Hurting the people I love was too much for me, it was more like I was cutting them so no matter what happens no matter how much I think I deserve it, I never cut because I'll never do that to them again. You gotta find whatever that is for you.

[Carly011]

Hun, please dont. You have been doing SO well, i am SOOO amazing proud of you. Your life is WORTH something, you DO have a purpose, you are young you have your whole life to figure out what your purpose is! Im 19 and i still dont know my purpose! Please do something to get your mind off of it, do something to release all that anger and sadness. Go running, draw a picture, write in a diary ANYTHING to get your emotions out. Cry, scream, punch your pillow. All of those are better options then cutting or killing yourself. Think back to the reasons why you quit in the first place, is it worth it to start at day 0 again? As long as you are alive you can work on getting better, there is hope, but if you are dead, theres no hope, no chance.

[xXoblivionXx]

but I don't deserve another chance... there are so many people out there that didn't get a second chance and here I am on my what, 4th chance? I don't deserve to make things right again, I don't deserve to breathe.

[Skyhawk]

You deserve as many chances as you feel you need. :)

[Carly011]

Who said you can't have as many chances as you want? NO ONE. I am TELLING you you DO deserve another chance, and guess what? You deserve as many as you need! You deserve a chance at happiness, fight for it. Don't give up yet. Don't do it. You CAN get better, just keep fighting

[xXoblivionXx]

I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore...

[Carly011]

you are fighting to LIVE. To find a way to be happy. Fight for it. You can do it. Im struggling also :/ i really wish i could end it all. I do. I want to so bad. But its not the answer

[therunaway]

You are fighting for something you know in your heart is ahead of you, a good future.

[Carly011]

a good future? I have no idea if im going to have a good future. I have no idea if i am ever going to be happy, if i am ever going to crawl out of this depression. Am i trying to make a good future for myself? yes, by going to school, going to therapy and fighting to live. I try to overcome this. I dont want to. it would be soooo much easier to just give up and end it all. But i am going to keep fighting, even if i dont know if there is anything worth fighting for

[xXoblivionXx]

I'm just trying to make it through the night...

[Carly011]

and you will. You know why? because i have faith in you. I believe in you. You are an amazing girl and WILL get through this. And i will be there every step of the way. I will be here whenever you need me

[xXoblivionXx]

thanks Carly :)

[Carly011]

your welcome!! :)