Bolt
June 6th, 2012, 05:18 PM
After reading around in this section of the forums I’ve come to the realization that in comparison to the majority of people’s issues that mine are relatively insignificant and because of that I’d just like to apologize before I start ranting on about my lesser problems as to not offend the people whose issues are far more severe (especially to Montesquieu15 in his A Letter to Dad thread).
My mother and I have always had an estranged relationship: one moment we’d be the living embodiment of a perfect mother-son relationship while in the next breath we’d literally be at each other’s throats over the most petty of things. And I’ve tried to fix it. I’ve tried so hard and I’ve always came away with the same results – nothing. Nothing I ever do seems to strengthen the bond that we have, to really solidify it. In the end, every attempt I make to rectify our issues with one another just leads to more issues and more arguments and more angst towards one another. And I’m sick of it. I’m absolutely sick of putting so much effort into trying to have a strong relationship only to have it put down and used as a catalyst to build more problems off of.
In complete and total honesty, I cannot remember the last day that my mother and I did NOT argue about anything. Do you have any idea how friggin’ heart breaking that is? To at some points feel like your mother hates and is ashamed of you? When we argue, I always try to maintain an even tone but I’m only human and when the levy of my emotion breaks I get pissed. My voice raises, my tone changes, and my facial expressions are hostile but (usually) that is all in reaction to her voice raising, tone changing, etc. Yet I’m expected not to do that and when I do she acts as if I am damn near demonic for getting mad enough to ACTUALLY raise my voice to ACTUALLY get pissed. Oh, and if I try and say something like “Relax mom, its fine. It’s no big deal, don’t get yourself worked up.” Or anything of that nature then she starts yelling about how she isn’t upset… definitely seems like she isn’t, right? And after all that, when she storms away and I eventually go after her to talk to her about the situation what does she have the nerve to say? “I’m sick of you talking to me like this.” Wait… what? In what way am I talking to you that is so hurtful? In what way do I treat you like anything short of the mother I’d wish you be to me? Please, enlighten me, mom because I don’t know what the FUCK I’m supposed to do anymore. I’m sick of trying so hard only to be demonized.
I’m just sick of all this bull that seems to be a constant affair in my everyday life. Does anyone have ANY suggestions for what I can do to finally rectify all these issues with her? I’m fresh out of ideas and considering this is a constant occurance when I’m around her I’m all but set on taking a “road trip” (A.K.A. running away) to god knows where when I get back from my time away this summer (2 ½ months away from her).
My mother and I have always had an estranged relationship: one moment we’d be the living embodiment of a perfect mother-son relationship while in the next breath we’d literally be at each other’s throats over the most petty of things. And I’ve tried to fix it. I’ve tried so hard and I’ve always came away with the same results – nothing. Nothing I ever do seems to strengthen the bond that we have, to really solidify it. In the end, every attempt I make to rectify our issues with one another just leads to more issues and more arguments and more angst towards one another. And I’m sick of it. I’m absolutely sick of putting so much effort into trying to have a strong relationship only to have it put down and used as a catalyst to build more problems off of.
In complete and total honesty, I cannot remember the last day that my mother and I did NOT argue about anything. Do you have any idea how friggin’ heart breaking that is? To at some points feel like your mother hates and is ashamed of you? When we argue, I always try to maintain an even tone but I’m only human and when the levy of my emotion breaks I get pissed. My voice raises, my tone changes, and my facial expressions are hostile but (usually) that is all in reaction to her voice raising, tone changing, etc. Yet I’m expected not to do that and when I do she acts as if I am damn near demonic for getting mad enough to ACTUALLY raise my voice to ACTUALLY get pissed. Oh, and if I try and say something like “Relax mom, its fine. It’s no big deal, don’t get yourself worked up.” Or anything of that nature then she starts yelling about how she isn’t upset… definitely seems like she isn’t, right? And after all that, when she storms away and I eventually go after her to talk to her about the situation what does she have the nerve to say? “I’m sick of you talking to me like this.” Wait… what? In what way am I talking to you that is so hurtful? In what way do I treat you like anything short of the mother I’d wish you be to me? Please, enlighten me, mom because I don’t know what the FUCK I’m supposed to do anymore. I’m sick of trying so hard only to be demonized.
I’m just sick of all this bull that seems to be a constant affair in my everyday life. Does anyone have ANY suggestions for what I can do to finally rectify all these issues with her? I’m fresh out of ideas and considering this is a constant occurance when I’m around her I’m all but set on taking a “road trip” (A.K.A. running away) to god knows where when I get back from my time away this summer (2 ½ months away from her).