Mom pressuring me to interact with girls

[BoogieMan]

Hey, first of all I don't know if this is the right section for this.
Anyway I'm 16 years old, male.

I'm what you call social hermit, well maybe it's a little too extreme, I have a few friends and people who I talk to, but I don't attend any social events and I'm really quiet in general. With my social skills I'm even surprised I have people who talk to me.
I can go on a long detail on that, but I wasn't always like that. It seems like around when I was 12 years old it hit me.
However, it doesn't bother me that much.

My problem is that my mom is concerned that with my current social abilities (or lack of), which also includes barely talking to girls, I won't be able to find a girlfriend in a few years and later get married.
When she mentions that, I of course laugh at that and act like it's an irrational thing to worry about. But deep down on some level I kinda agree with her.

I don't know what to do. I think part of the problem is that I have insecurities about my appearance, in 7th grade I was the skinny-kinda chubby kid. My ideal appearance is to look big and have a good amount of muscle.
I have been working on that, and dare I say I'm bigger than most guys my age. I still don't like the way I look and I don't label myself as muscular and big.

I know that many say girls don't care about appearance as much as guys do or that you don't have to look good to be good with girls, but that doesn't really matter to me, because it all boils down to confidence, my confidence.

Now my appearance isn't only the problem but it isn't exactly helping as you can see.
My other problem is that I feel like a creep whenever I try to talk to people that I don't interact on a daily basis. Now talking with a girl will give me that feeling 100X.
The only time I ever talk to a girl, is if they ask me something or if I need to ask them something.
Other than that I don't know how to talk to them or confront them.
Help?

[Gordo]

Lots and lots of girls like "the quiet guy". More mystery than the out going guys. You deep down concern and lack of confidence are .... well, kinda a waste of your brain power and probably cause more anxiety than being helpful, so chuck that thinking right out and ignore those thought. If ya think abt it, worrying really doesn't help most situations. Okay...

I think we will all me someone who likes us for who we are. If we get impatient and try to act and look how we think we should to get girls interested in us, well, then they're really interested in that guy we're acting like and not us. Nothing wrong with being quiet man.

Because you're a more quiet person, right this very second you could have: a girl interested in you, that girl and some of her friends or several groups of girls that are tryin to figure out what your deal is, but because they might be shy or a little afraid of you, cuz they don't know ya, you aren't aware of it.

So I don't think the solution is to change who you are and start being all outgoing, you can still be you and go to some parties, or the pool or fill in the blank. I think the key is doing stuff ya like doing anyway and do it in public.

Let's say a guy is big into reading, so he spends a lot of time alone in his room reading. And to make it worse, let's say this guy isn't an outdoors jock kinda guy. He could still grab his book and whatever else he would need and go to a local pool and read there in the shade or in the sun. So that intraverted guy is doin something he likes, but now he's "out there".

If ya think through it there's gotta be something you like to do that you could do publicly. Even something thats usually just guys, like shootin hoops. Well, some of those guys have sisters or some of those guys have girl friends who have friends that are lookin for a guy. Get to know those guys over time and stuff can come together. So even if whatever you like to do is a guy thing, if you're patient, they know girls and those girls know girls etc.

So in the shootin hoops example, the dude shootin hoops on driveway will continue to be alone. The same dude, who has a hoop in his driveway COULD walk with bball to some public hoops a mile away and get to know some people over the summer. Yup, that's way more effort than just shootin hoops in driveway, but that guy WILL get to know some people that know some girls.

So rather than have a concern or a worry, take the effort that people put into worrying and use it to DO something different.

[Desuetude]

Maybe you could sit down with your Mum and tell her that her pressurizing you is no helping and she needs to back off a bit. Letting her know that it's just making you more self conscious and stressed means she might lay off.

Honestly I think this all boils down to confidence and self-esteem. You will find it hard to talk to new people and interact with them if you're worrying about yourself and how you look/are acting. Having the right body shape could give you more confidence something as small as that can make people feel so much better about themselves. You could work on that for a while, work out some more, things like running and swimming are both good for building muscle but if you really want it you need to work at it.

You're absolutely right though, you don't have to have the perfect body for a girl to like and be attracted to you. If they only like you for your body then they're not worth the effort anyway. You need to believe in yourself some more, write down all the things you like about yourself it could be about appearance or qualities, for example just being organized and remind yourself of them. Thinking the good things instead of the bad is always better as well. Then you could write down all the things you're not so happy with and make an effort to change that, it might take some patience and time but you should start to be more confident and overall happier with yourself. However don't do this for anyone else or to please them, this is about you and building you up.

About talking to others, do you find it easier taking to people online or do you still find it a struggle? If it's still a little hard then how about you try that first. I know it might seem like being online is even less sociable but it can make your social skills better like being able to talk to people and finding what to say, it might help in real life situations.

[Lovemeorleaveme]

Lots and lots of girls like "the quiet guy". More mystery than the out going guys. You deep down concern and lack of confidence are .... well, kinda a waste of your brain power and probably cause more anxiety than being helpful, so chuck that thinking right out and ignore those thought. If ya think abt it, worrying really doesn't help most situations. Okay...

I think we will all me someone who likes us for who we are. If we get impatient and try to act and look how we think we should to get girls interested in us, well, then they're really interested in that guy we're acting like and not us. Nothing wrong with being quiet man.

Because you're a more quiet person, right this very second you could have: a girl interested in you, that girl and some of her friends or several groups of girls that are tryin to figure out what your deal is, but because they might be shy or a little afraid of you, cuz they don't know ya, you aren't aware of it.

So I don't think the solution is to change who you are and start being all outgoing, you can still be you and go to some parties, or the pool or fill in the blank. I think the key is doing stuff ya like doing anyway and do it in public.

Let's say a guy is big into reading, so he spends a lot of time alone in his room reading. And to make it worse, let's say this guy isn't an outdoors jock kinda guy. He could still grab his book and whatever else he would need and go to a local pool and read there in the shade or in the sun. So that intraverted guy is doin something he likes, but now he's "out there".

If ya think through it there's gotta be something you like to do that you could do publicly. Even something thats usually just guys, like shootin hoops. Well, some of those guys have sisters or some of those guys have girl friends who have friends that are lookin for a guy. Get to know those guys over time and stuff can come together. So even if whatever you like to do is a guy thing, if you're patient, they know girls and those girls know girls etc.

So in the shootin hoops example, the dude shootin hoops on driveway will continue to be alone. The same dude, who has a hoop in his driveway COULD walk with bball to some public hoops a mile away and get to know some people over the summer. Yup, that's way more effort than just shootin hoops in driveway, but that guy WILL get to know some people that know some girls.

So rather than have a concern or a worry, take the effort that people put into worrying and use it to DO something different.

this is a really good answer its true girls like guys who are themselves, lets say you like reading but instead of doing it at home you do it at the library or you join a book club, that way you have a chance to meet someone with the same interests as you, even if you dont find a gf you could make some new friends and they may know sombody that you may end up in a relationship with.

[BoogieMan]

Maybe you could sit down with your Mum and tell her that her pressurizing you is no helping and she needs to back off a bit. Letting her know that it's just making you more self conscious and stressed means she might lay off.

Honestly I think this all boils down to confidence and self-esteem. You will find it hard to talk to new people and interact with them if you're worrying about yourself and how you look/are acting. Having the right body shape could give you more confidence something as small as that can make people feel so much better about themselves. You could work on that for a while, work out some more, things like running and swimming are both good for building muscle but if you really want it you need to work at it.

You're absolutely right though, you don't have to have the perfect body for a girl to like and be attracted to you. If they only like you for your body then they're not worth the effort anyway. You need to believe in yourself some more, write down all the things you like about yourself it could be about appearance or qualities, for example just being organized and remind yourself of them. Thinking the good things instead of the bad is always better as well. Then you could write down all the things you're not so happy with and make an effort to change that, it might take some patience and time but you should start to be more confident and overall happier with yourself. However don't do this for anyone else or to please them, this is about you and building you up.

About talking to others, do you find it easier taking to people online or do you still find it a struggle? If it's still a little hard then how about you try that first. I know it might seem like being online is even less sociable but it can make your social skills better like being able to talk to people and finding what to say, it might help in real life situations.

Well as for building muscle, I am working on that, and been weightlifting for a year or so with good nutrition, so ultimately I guess in a few years I'd look good enough in my opinion.
But like I said, I don't really care if you don't need to look good to be good with girls, it's more of a confidence issue in my case. Even if every single girl would shout that they don't care about guys being muscular, or whatever it won't make a difference.


And talking online is far easier than talking in real life, for example in real life I'd probably lose a few nights of sleep due to feeling awkward. If I said something like that, (my original post) even to my parents.
In fact I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel a spec of awkwardness when I posted my original post in this forum, where I'm pretty much anonymous.

[abdheuuuchjc]

Hey, first of all I don't know if this is the right section for this.
Anyway I'm 16 years old, male.

I'm what you call social hermit, well maybe it's a little too extreme, I have a few friends and people who I talk to, but I don't attend any social events and I'm really quiet in general. With my social skills I'm even surprised I have people who talk to me.
I can go on a long detail on that, but I wasn't always like that. It seems like around when I was 12 years old it hit me.
However, it doesn't bother me that much.

My problem is that my mom is concerned that with my current social abilities (or lack of), which also includes barely talking to girls, I won't be able to find a girlfriend in a few years and later get married.
When she mentions that, I of course laugh at that and act like it's an irrational thing to worry about. But deep down on some level I kinda agree with her.

I don't know what to do. I think part of the problem is that I have insecurities about my appearance, in 7th grade I was the skinny-kinda chubby kid. My ideal appearance is to look big and have a good amount of muscle.
I have been working on that, and dare I say I'm bigger than most guys my age. I still don't like the way I look and I don't label myself as muscular and big.

I know that many say girls don't care about appearance as much as guys do or that you don't have to look good to be good with girls, but that doesn't really matter to me, because it all boils down to confidence, my confidence.

Now my appearance isn't only the problem but it isn't exactly helping as you can see.
My other problem is that I feel like a creep whenever I try to talk to people that I don't interact on a daily basis. Now talking with a girl will give me that feeling 100X.
The only time I ever talk to a girl, is if they ask me something or if I need to ask them something.
Other than that I don't know how to talk to them or confront them.
Help?
The quiet guy doesn't work

[khila]

don't worry if u find a girl u truly love u will know and the words will just flow don't force it, it will happen when it wants to happen

[purpleninjacookie]

Well...I think that you should be a little more out there...don't go crazy know :D but I still believe you should find more people that have the same interest as you...think of people like connections. Maybe you should join a sport or a club...this will open doors for you that will gaurentee more friends, and eventually they will introduce you to their friends and so on and so on.....another important thing to remember is to be yourself....the worst thing you can do is fall into peer pressure and do something stupid that you will regret. There so many ways to become friends with girls....some girls like funny guys....some girls like confident guys....some girls like shy guys.....it all happens over timeless bro :)
There will be a girl out there that will be interested in you.....in fact....I jet there are girls that are interested in you right now....their most likely shy too....like I said....be yourself and be confident the best to you abilities :)