My older brother

[Golden Terror]

My older brother Theo died last year but we had his memorial yesterday. He got hit by a drunk driver when it was raining. people keep telling me to move on but I can't, it's so hard! What should i do?:(:confused:

[byknott]

Firstly, you do not have to move on before you are ready. Grief is very individualistic and anyone telling you to get with their schedule for how you should grieve needs to check themselves.

Just do what you can do. Live your life as well as you can and mourn when you need to. I know that when I was dealing with a death in my family that little things in my day to day life would trigger a memory, and they still do now years later. The trick for me is taking those things, be it a song on the radio, a favorite food, a whiff of a familiar cologne, and focusing on what it is about that particular thing that made me miss the one I had lost. Why did that thing remind me of them? What piece of them was I holding onto through what they left behind? When I could identify that, I could let it rest. Not to forget about it, but to put it in a place mentally and emotionally where it could remain precious to me but could no longer hinder me in my daily life.

I'll say it one last time: move at your own pace. Don't listen to anyone who says you should move on or be 'over it' because they ultimately don't know your heart or your feelings. However you move on, no matter how slow, is the right way for you to do it.

[Golden Terror]

thanks abby

[Smeagol]

I'm so, so sorry for you Jaya :hug:

The ones who we love never truly leave us. They live on in our hearts.

[Sleepwalking]

I remember you talking about this in the chatroom yesterday, and how you said you felt responsible.
Trust me Jaya, it was not your fault he is gone. It was all down to the driver and the other factors like the weather.
And about moving on. It's never easy when losing a loved one. My mum died 7 years ago and I haven't truly "moved on". People take however long they need, don't feel rushed.

Hope I Help Jaya. xx

[Short Circuit]

Have you done a memorial box of him?

When my gran died not long ago, it affected me real bad, so I was told to make a memorial box. I placed things in it that were personal to her, a photo, hair brush (with some of her hair on it), a bottle of her perfume (scent), and then I wrote a long letter telling her what I will miss the most about her, and what made me happy when she was with me.

I placed it all in the box, sealed it with ribbon, and whenever I miss her too much, I get those things out, place them on my bed, and just remember all the good times we had together.

I still miss her every day, but the pain is slowly going away. It takes time to grieve, but it is a process you have to go through

[Golden Terror]

thanks kyle and yes i do keep a trunk in our family room his class ring from when he graduated HS and his jacket (with his scent on it) and a CD of the lulluby he used to sing to me...a whole bunch of stuff. and thanks Mae Mae and Andy i love you guys!