Why?

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Simple question, impossible answer.

Well, i have to rant a bit, and get this thoughts out of my head.I don't really expect ill get any answer that, lets say, I'll like.

Simple question, why?WHY?I've tried to ignore it, but every day as the night comes, reality strikes, so to say.First few days after I've tried to kill myself, weren't so bad, and i didn't think about this stuff as much.

But well...i can't ignore it all the time.I want to change, well, everything, and i know it won't be easy, but I'll try.It isn't that ill get somewhere in life, or be "somebody", which really doesn't bother me as much it maybe should, but i think i can get to the point where I'll be just doing what i like.

Anyway, back to the point...why?Why i am alive?Why did i, after 2 times I've been dead for a bit, and after few other near-death experiences, survive?I'm nobody, really, and I'll be nobody.

I mean, yes, i try to help/make people at least a bit happy in RL/Online w/e, and in my opinion i fail at it even, but anyway, it's common sense to do so, and i like to do it, rather than be all negative and stuff, and whine about my problems all the time.

And...i don't know.

Why do i deserve to live MORE, than lets say some 10 year old kid, on some part of the world, who is probably dying right now?Why i deserve to live at all, when there are some people with talent/good life/etc, who might be dying right now?Why i deserve to be alive, more than them?I really can't see a single reason why i deserve to be alive.

There are so much people on the earth, that if one lifeless talentless person like me, died, wouldn't make any difference.

Family, etc, I've thought about it, but...I agree, that they deserve someone better than me.

Am i missing something here?I mean, I've looked through every event in my life that i can remember, and 95% of it, i screwed up myself.I'm not looking to blame myself, but its the fact.

Lets say, it might be for something I'll do in the future, or something else like that, but really, i can't see how someone like me, could really help anybody, here or anywhere, or actually do any good.I'm useless.Best i can do is stay out of everyone's way.

And all my thoughts in the head are "I deserve to die".I know why i deserve so.I won't lie, and say that i don't hope to die every single minute of every single day.Even when i try not to think about it, i know its there.

I mean, I've even failed at something so simple, like killing myself.Just another fail that adds up, nothing else.

Just to say so, I won't try to kill myself, or anything (really not planing to do something like that again), but i really can't understand.

And here I am, bothering YOU with my problems.Ugh >.<

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Sorry if this comes out as offensive or is unhelpful or anything like that.

Anyway, back to the point...why?Why i am alive?Why did i, after 2 times I've been dead for a bit, and after few other near-death experiences, survive?I'm nobody, really, and I'll be nobody.

You are alive because your parents decided to have a child, and you survived because the body is a very durable mechanism and because the doctors and stuff saved your life. Simple as that.

You don't have to be a "somebody" because you already are. I'll bet your parents and the people who care for you think you're a somebody. Hell, I think you're a somebody and I don't even know you. Even so, why do you have to be a "somebody" anyway? What is a "somebody"? I mean really. You're a "somebody" as long as you're alive, everyone is significant in some-way to someone.

Why do i deserve to live MORE, than lets say some 10 year old kid, on some part of the world, who is probably dying right now?Why i deserve to live at all, when there are some people with talent/good life/etc, who might be dying right now?Why i deserve to be alive, more than them?I really can't see a single reason why i deserve to be alive.

Sorry to answer your question with another question but, is there anyone really who deserves to live more than anyone else? We all deserve our chance at life. I mean you probably deserve to live more than, say, a mass murderer, yet he still lives. There is room on this world for both of you, even though he might not deserve life as much as you. I mean everyone deserves a chance to live their life however they want to. I don't think life picks and chooses who deserves to live. You, deserve to live as much as any other human being. No matter what you think.

Am i missing something here?I mean, I've looked through every event in my life that i can remember, and 95% of it, i screwed up myself.I'm not looking to blame myself, but its the fact.

Lets say, it might be for something I'll do in the future, or something else like that, but really, i can't see how someone like me, could really help anybody, here or anywhere, or actually do any good.I'm useless.Best i can do is stay out of everyone's way.

And all my thoughts in the head are "I deserve to die".I know why i deserve so.I won't lie, and say that i don't hope to die every single minute of every single day.Even when i try not to think about it, i know its there.

I mean, I've even failed at something so simple, like killing myself.Just another fail that adds up, nothing else.

Just to say so, I won't try to kill myself, or anything (really not planing to do something like that again), but i really can't understand.

And here I am, bothering YOU with my problems.Ugh >.<

The rest of it is probably because you have depression. I mean, clearly. Thoughts like this don't just come out of nowhere. And (yes I know you said that it was nearly impossible where you live) you should really try getting some professionally help for that. It's going to take more than drugs to help make you feel better.

You may say you fail at everything, but I don't know what happened in your life. I'm sure there are tons of things you have succeeded at. Just ask someone else, like your parents, I'm sure they'll know better than anyone else on this forum. I mean you say you failed at suicide, but what you really did, was succeed at surviving. Maybe not consciously, but you did, you managed to survive.

Anywhoozles, this probably didn't help, but good luck and I hope you get better.

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Sorry if this comes out as offensive or is unhelpful or anything like that.



You are alive because your parents decided to have a child, and you survived because the body is a very durable mechanism and because the doctors and stuff saved your life. Simple as that.

I was oblivious, thank you.Just joking a bit :)



You don't have to be a "somebody" because you already are. I'll bet your parents and the people who care for you think you're a somebody. Hell, I think you're a somebody and I don't even know you. Even so, why do you have to be a "somebody" anyway? What is a "somebody"? I mean really. You're a "somebody" as long as you're alive, everyone is significant in some-way to someone.



In my opinion, not really, no.But that wasn't my question anyway, and as "somebody", i mean somebody that does something that matters :).For example: Doctors.



Sorry to answer your question with another question but, is there anyone really who deserves to live more than anyone else? We all deserve our chance at life. I mean you probably deserve to live more than, say, a mass murderer, yet he still lives. There is room on this world for both of you, even though he might not deserve life as much as you. I mean everyone deserves a chance to live their life however they want to. I don't think life picks and chooses who deserves to live. You, deserve to live as much as any other human being. No matter what you think.

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The rest of it is probably because you have depression. I mean, clearly. Thoughts like this don't just come out of nowhere. And (yes I know you said that it was nearly impossible where you live) you should really try getting some professionally help for that. It's going to take more than drugs to help make you feel better.

You may say you fail at everything, but I don't know what happened in your life. I'm sure there are tons of things you have succeeded at. Just ask someone else, like your parents, I'm sure they'll know better than anyone else on this forum. I mean you say you failed at suicide, but what you really did, was succeed at surviving. Maybe not consciously, but you did, you managed to survive.

Anywhoozles, this probably didn't help, but good luck and I hope you get better.

Yep, depression.I probably know the solution, which I'll of course try, once my stitches are off, but that doesn't make it any less true.If it doesn't work, I'll consider other options.

As for rest, not really.Only "successful" thing might be that I've learned English.Not great, but good enough.And about PC's which I'm considering learning more about.

"Succed at surviving".Well, maybe.If i didn't do it, i wouldn't try to change stuff, and id continue the way i was.But pretty much only reason i ended up pulling other part of the, hmm, "stunt", is because my arms were shaking, and were covered in blood, same for the legs (most part of 'em) and i couldn't "finish the job" that way.

Anyway, thanks for trying to help.It bothers me, thats all, and i think it will get better once i change few stuff and so on, but it still makes me wonder.