Freaking out!!!!

[Carly011]

Hey..... so i have been self harming/cutting for awhile. I also self harm in the way of an eating disorder. I know there is an ED board here but i feel more comfortable posting over here!

So i sent my therapist an email admitting i have an ED....i admitted that i sometimes cut to distract from the hunger. I only eat 500 calories a day. I am underweight but want to loose more.

Now i am freaking out. I have already almost been sent to the hospital because of my cutting, what if she tries to send me because of my ED???? IM Freaking out here!!! I Dont know what to do!

I really shouldnt have sent that email...i should have just kept on with my life

All i wan't to do is cut...i have such an urge right now..... i have to....

[jessiecox1]

Actually, I applaud you. You did the right thing because you realize that you have a problem and need help. It may not seem like it now, but you will thank yourself later for telling your therapist.

[Carly011]

but...but...what if she sends me to the hospital??? I CANT GO!

[xXoblivionXx]

Carly please take a min and breathe. You did the right thing. You will now get the help you need and I will be at your side the entire time.

[Carly011]

But i dont want the help anymore.... i just want to continue to loose weight and starve myself. I dont want the help :( I just want them to ignore it

[Love.Hate]

But i dont want the help anymore.... i just want to continue to loose weight and starve myself. I dont want the help :( I just want them to ignore it

Yes, its difficult taking the help when you dont want it. However starving yourself isnt going to do any good for you, and the sooner you get help the easier it is to tackle the problem. I know you dont want to give it up and its hard, but you know that it isnt doing you any good physically or mentally, you'll become exhausted, lack concentration and your character will change, because you end up being so self concious. This isnt the path to go down and you know it isnt. Accept the help sweetheart, you'll look back and be glad you did <3

[jessiecox1]

Yes, please accept the help...you might be saving your own life and not even realizing it.

[Carly011]

I have to go for an assessment at an eating disorder center now....i really don't want to go. I dont want to be in the hospital. I dont want to save my life.... i want to die. I wish i'd loose enough weight and just disappear. I hate life. I dont deserve to cut. What kind of crazy person who starves and cuts themselves and purges deserve much? i mean i do this all to myself. Why should i be alive if i keep hurting myself and doing this to myself? i'd be better off dead....

[Noxail]

I have to go for an assessment at an eating disorder center now....i really don't want to go. I dont want to be in the hospital. I dont want to save my life.... i want to die. I wish i'd loose enough weight and just disappear. I hate life. I dont deserve to cut. What kind of crazy person who starves and cuts themselves and purges deserve much? i mean i do this all to myself. Why should i be alive if i keep hurting myself and doing this to myself? i'd be better off dead....

:hug: Honey, you would never be better off dead. You'll be okay. This is good. You don't wanna go, but they're gonna take care of you. You'll be okay. It might not be what you want now, but you'd have regretted not doing it later. I promise, it's gonna be okay :yes:

[Perfectly Flawed]

You would not be better off dead. These people who want to help you also love you, and want the best for you. Everything will be alright Carly just try to stay calm, and think about the good things that can come from this.

[Carly011]

Thanks you guys....its just i dont know.... I know i need the help, but i feel like i dont need it ya know? like i know these things but i my heart and brain are telling me something else. Hopefully this all helps.... i hope one day i will look back and think i did the right thing.

[Perfectly Flawed]

We all know we need the help deep down inside, we just don't want the stress that comes along with it.

[Carly011]

I know....and i am so used to being this way that im scared. I don't want to be happy, i've never been happy and the unknown scares me. In a way im almost afraid that people won't care about me if im happy....I called and left a message with the assessment people and they called back so now all i have to do is call them....