fxo7
May 29th, 2012, 02:37 PM
Hey, this is my first post here, and I really need to get this off my chest.
When I was 13 (I've kinda blocked out the age), let's just say I was molested by my brother who was 2 years older. This incident was more my fault because I kind of egged it on.
I made sure nothing happened after, though when I was maybe 15-17 (once again, blocked out the ages) he would come into my room when he thought I was asleep and continue what he did before.
I always put what happened in the back of my head and didn't think I was really affected, but recently I've realized the reason I had been depressed since middle school might have been because of that. I recently broke up with my gf because I couldn't emotionally connect with her. I actually find it hard to really connect with anyone. This might also have to do with what happened to me. I've resented my brother for all these year, though I finally have started forming an actual relationship with him very recently. He genuinely seems to have changed and moved on from all that. He is going to get engaged to his gf soon. Gone seems the person who choked me in front of my best friend and who sexually abused me. We never once talked about what happened in the basement that first time, and I would never bring up the fact that I was actually awake every time he would come into my room.
I finally told 3 friends, one who was also abused. I even spoke to a school counselor. Kind of helped me move on. Telling my parents is out of the question, so that's not about to happen. It's not so much what exactly happened between the two of us that is upsetting, it's the fact that I've realized I've done such a terrible job coping with everything. I don't have trouble making friends, but I can't get too close to anybody unfortunately. Although, becoming aware that I do have depression has made it easier to cope with.
I just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening :)
When I was 13 (I've kinda blocked out the age), let's just say I was molested by my brother who was 2 years older. This incident was more my fault because I kind of egged it on.
I made sure nothing happened after, though when I was maybe 15-17 (once again, blocked out the ages) he would come into my room when he thought I was asleep and continue what he did before.
I always put what happened in the back of my head and didn't think I was really affected, but recently I've realized the reason I had been depressed since middle school might have been because of that. I recently broke up with my gf because I couldn't emotionally connect with her. I actually find it hard to really connect with anyone. This might also have to do with what happened to me. I've resented my brother for all these year, though I finally have started forming an actual relationship with him very recently. He genuinely seems to have changed and moved on from all that. He is going to get engaged to his gf soon. Gone seems the person who choked me in front of my best friend and who sexually abused me. We never once talked about what happened in the basement that first time, and I would never bring up the fact that I was actually awake every time he would come into my room.
I finally told 3 friends, one who was also abused. I even spoke to a school counselor. Kind of helped me move on. Telling my parents is out of the question, so that's not about to happen. It's not so much what exactly happened between the two of us that is upsetting, it's the fact that I've realized I've done such a terrible job coping with everything. I don't have trouble making friends, but I can't get too close to anybody unfortunately. Although, becoming aware that I do have depression has made it easier to cope with.
I just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening :)