K2

[Angel Androgynous]

I want you to imagine
smiling helplessly,
putting a hand over your mouth
trying to convince yourself that you are real,
uttering words with what you think is your sober mind, and then, in a blur of confusion as you walk into the school gate, you can only feel the drums
drum
drum
drum
drum
through your whole body, and you are walking
with a purpose, but that purpose ends when you stop
you ask something
they ask you, "Where are we going" you ignore them you walk on, you point out landmarks, you have epiphanies of the obvious, and you try to wake up from a nightmare that has mixed up with real life, but you can't.
And then you walk again, you forget what it's like to swallow, so you do it over and over your throat is dry, you pinch yourself, and it takes you a few seconds to feel it, you walk some more in circles in circles it seems like an eternity you are doomed to this forever.
There it is, you are pinching him. You want to smack him, and you don't even know when your real life ended.
You vaguely remember you.
You now remember nothing.
And when you feel your whole self in your body,
why that's a blessing for it only lasts for one second.
For one second you catch a glimpse of your jeans,
and they are not distorted and two-dimensional.
For one second, you can feel the blood rushing through your confused veins,
carrying out orders of a drunken brain.
You have fear you cannot control,
and you point out more similar landmarks,
you have epiphanies of the obvious,
your name, your house, you remember the names of your friends.
And it all goes away, all of what you remembered in a fraction of a second.
And you are walking in circles, each moment, though cycling, repeating at one point in time.
And there are drums in your body
drums pounding, as if every single cell is screaming
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
PLEASE.
PLEASE.
PLEASE.
And there is nothing you can do, you want to
you want to hold your poor cells bursting with tears.
You want to know what it feels like to cry.
You forget you are human
no you are just a toy
in purgatory
with every moment repeating
and your cells
your cells are screaming
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
LET ME OUT.
PLEASE.
PLEASE.
PLEASE.
Even if each moment is slightly different it cycles, it repeats itself at one moment.
And you remember names, and you remember how you started out your day.
And it lasts for what seems like an eternity.