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View Full Version : Giving up on a friendship?


TheHumanSpirit
May 24th, 2012, 09:38 AM
Is there ever a valid reason for giving up on a friendship?

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About a week ago I was invited to this end of the year party planned by two of my best friends. I got an invitation from "Zoe" (my guy best friend's best friend) which I thought was weird since "Duke" is my guy best friend. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Later, I found out that Zoe had invited me because Duke hadn't invited me and she wanted me there.

When I brought it up, Duke said that he needed to talk to me at lunch. When he talked to me he said that because I am a senior and it was a juniors only party, I would make people feel out of place and I would feel out of place myself. I hesitantly accepted his "juniors only" exclusion even though I told him I didn't agree with it and told him that I knew all of the juniors who were going, so it wouldn't be uncomfortable for anyone. The ironic thing is Duke is the one who made this a juniors only party (knowing that I wanted to go) and yet, Duke invited Sarah's (one of our mutual best friends) boyfriend who is a senior from another school and if anyone would feel out of place it would be him, not me.

He couldn't believe I was mad when I found out he invited Sarah's boyfriend and not me. I deleted him on Facebook (this type of thing has been going on all year) and when he texted me asking why, I told him I only have people who act like friends on my facebook. Granted, that probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but he was ignoring me until this point.

When he talked to me on the phone, he told me that the only reason Sarah's boyfriend was being allowed to come was because Sarah was going on vacation over summer and Duke wouldn't be able to see her, and she wouldn't come to the party unless her boyfriend went because she wanted to spend every last minute she could with him. I asked why an exception couldn't have been made for me, considering I'm graduating... He said it's because Sarah is a junior.

He said I'm the one who needs to fix this by re-adding him on Facebook and saying I'm sorry, because he's not going to. I honestly don't feel right giving up on a friendship because I've been putting up with him for two years and dealing with his bs, and I want to be there for him even when he's like this. Unfortunately, he's not acting like a friend at all.

We were supposed to talk after school yesterday, but then his dad picked him up right after. I guess he didn't wait to call his dad? Sarah reinvited me to the party, saying that she talked to him and "he was whatever" about it. She begged me to come, so I said I would for her.

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Any advice? :\

Stronger
May 24th, 2012, 09:55 AM
Well the whole you a senior don't come or you will make everyone else feel out of place is a load of BS in my opinion, if any you being the only senior would make you feel out of place (trying to make a point). As for deleting him on facebook, that was pretty silly way of handling it but what's done is done. I don't think you should end the friend over such silly reasons but maybe just distance yourself for a bit, but go to the party for that girl and see if you prove him wrong that no one felt out of place and later on tell him that no one was or whatever.

TheHumanSpirit
May 24th, 2012, 10:01 AM
Thanks Stronger. And I don't think his real reason was that I would make people out of place. I think, for whatever reason, he didn't want me there.

FullyAlive
May 24th, 2012, 12:35 PM
So that's a stupid reason to not invite you to a party, I go to parties that can span a good four years with no one feeling out of place. I think you could have handled it better by talking to him rather than the rather immature action of just deleting him from your Facebook. I don't think you should just give up on your friendship. I would say its worth talking to him bring up all the grievances not just the party and ask him whats going on and allow him to explain and possibly repair your friendship as oppose to just giving up on it.

TheHumanSpirit
May 25th, 2012, 01:28 AM
Thanks FA. So I got him to talk today, after asking 3 times to talk and him saying there was no need to talk or that he had a headache.. And basically I told him that I didn't agree with the situation but that didn't matter as much as our friendship. But I asked if he'd miss me when I graduate and if he actually cared about me as a friend (and that losing me would be a major loss, because he told me it would be for me), and he said that he wouldn't miss me any more than any other senior when I graduate...that he'd miss us all equally. Yet I'm one of his best friends..

FullyAlive
May 25th, 2012, 04:13 AM
He just sounds like he's being a twat try distancing yourself from him, he'll soon notice and feel bad or if he doesn't then maybe he's just not worth it. Graduating is bound to mean you grow apart from people, and whilst it might be sad he might just be one of them.

jessiecox1
May 25th, 2012, 03:03 PM
Like others said, give him some space and time to see if he comes around. Sometimes friendships grow stale, or you and as you and the other person mature, you wind up not having much in common like you did when you were younger. He might realize that he made a mistake and open a dialogue with you.

PandaLeah
May 25th, 2012, 03:36 PM
I have sometimes had to give a few of my friends a break from me.. or me from them...