Destructive Impulse
May 21st, 2012, 08:52 PM
I havent edited it and i dont think its that good but im willing to take a chance and post it. This is the first chapter so if yall want the rest comment or pm or whatever.
*Warning this story is for the most part a piece of fiction partially inspired by true events. It deals with depression, adoption, underage drinking, and neglect. If this offends you don’t continue.*
You know how when you think of Texas you think of cowboys, wide open spaces, small town life, and serenity? Biggest bullshit ever. That may be what it’s like in the panhandle but where I live life is hell. Don't even think I’m exaggerating because even though were in the land of the free everyone is pretty much a fucking slave to society. But let’s start from the beginning shall we?
From the beginning I was unwanted. My mom was only 17 when she had me and as for my dad I don’t fucking know much. He played football and that's as much as I know. Not so much as a name just an old football helmet without a number, team, or anything I could use it to find him. Ass. I was promptly put up for adoption as my real parents didn't want me. I stayed there til I was 5 which isn't that bad because I could have been stuck there for much longer. I don’t let me being adopted define me though. In fact I never talk about it. I wish I knew more because to be honest I’m not even sure what my ethnicity is. I’m white but that's all I know. I have naturally black hair and brown eyes but I’m not Asian at all (I can tell that). I’m not pale at all and I’m kinda naturally tan. It's only fitting that my ethnicity much like my life is a mystery.
My parents, the ones that actually take care of me are well, biased. I have 2 younger brothers both of which are actually related to my parents. I’m sorry I can't do this. Every time I use that word it’s just unnatural. They feed me and they care for me but they're not my real parents. And like I said they're biased. They make it very obvious that they love my brothers more than me and why shouldn't they? I mean I’m grateful for them and I love them, at times, but they're not my parents. Any way my brothers are Ron and Max, age 14 and age 12 respectively, and they can be as annoying as hell. I’m 17 btw and a junior in high school. Sorry if I’m boring you but to be honest if you are bored you can kiss my ass. Shit where was I? Oh right my life story. I've moved 3 times in my life, first I lived in San Antonio till I was 8, then to Highland Park (if you don’t know what that is get off your lazy ass and google it), then during the summer I moved here to Black Creek. It’s in Texas and a suburb where the kids are higher than their grades are. The schools are decent but my class size alone is 500. Pretty damn big right? Just for the record its only 2 weeks until the school year starts and I already hate it here.
When I first heard about the move to Black Creeks I was petrified. I was gonna leave the few friends I had behind to start it all over. You know this whole situation may sound a little cliché but fuck you. I’m a bit of a loner I guess. Not good at sports, not in any clubs, the only thing artistic I do is graffiti. I don’t play videogames and I don’t do shit. Honestly I could care less because I had some good friends. No we didn't go out and drink and smoke weed but we did do some crazy shit. Ever rode on the top of a moving car? Don't try it I broke my arm doing that but it was fun as hell. No regrets. Anyway I moved and they moved on. I miss those guys but I’m sure they've nearly forgotten me. We moved for the same reason everyone else moves a better job for my parents. I don’t know why they took it cause they're fucking loaded. Call it pride but I never abuse that and I actually resent that. I’m offered the best but I always turn it down. Don't ask why but I just do. At first my parents were worried but as time went on they stopped trying. They feel sorry for me and I hate that. Everyone feels sorry for me but I don’t know why. Its fucking bullshit.
We are currently living in a fucking multimillion dollar house that I hate. The house itself is beautiful but I don’t deserve to live in it. I honestly would rather be on the streets then cooped up in this house. And in Highland Park me and my friends got the hell out of there and just slept outside. Our parents didn't care but that was fine with us. I would leave this house and go sleep on some roof but I don’t know the neighborhood and don’t want to do something stupid. I miss my old life but that's all it is old. I don’t care for luxuries and only take what I need. So I sit here in jeans with holes in em, a grey hoodie, and worn out vans writing this on my phone rather than some expensive laptop while my brothers are lounging on the couch beside me in new air Jordan’s, Abercrombie shirts, and khaki shorts. Don’t know why it pisses me off so much that they throw around money but it just does. The only nice thing I own is my car, a Chevy avalanche, but that was a gift and compensation for my parents forcing us to move and while I love that car I only use it when I absolutely need to. I have everything I need to live lavishly but there are things I’m missing.
Friends, motivation, my real parents (but fuck them), but most of all being wanted. There's a reason my parents don't care if sleep on the street. They honestly don’t care about me and it shows. They're here to see me grow up and then after that well I don’t know.
My name is Connor Means.
I'm alone, unwanted, and this is my story.
*Warning this story is for the most part a piece of fiction partially inspired by true events. It deals with depression, adoption, underage drinking, and neglect. If this offends you don’t continue.*
You know how when you think of Texas you think of cowboys, wide open spaces, small town life, and serenity? Biggest bullshit ever. That may be what it’s like in the panhandle but where I live life is hell. Don't even think I’m exaggerating because even though were in the land of the free everyone is pretty much a fucking slave to society. But let’s start from the beginning shall we?
From the beginning I was unwanted. My mom was only 17 when she had me and as for my dad I don’t fucking know much. He played football and that's as much as I know. Not so much as a name just an old football helmet without a number, team, or anything I could use it to find him. Ass. I was promptly put up for adoption as my real parents didn't want me. I stayed there til I was 5 which isn't that bad because I could have been stuck there for much longer. I don’t let me being adopted define me though. In fact I never talk about it. I wish I knew more because to be honest I’m not even sure what my ethnicity is. I’m white but that's all I know. I have naturally black hair and brown eyes but I’m not Asian at all (I can tell that). I’m not pale at all and I’m kinda naturally tan. It's only fitting that my ethnicity much like my life is a mystery.
My parents, the ones that actually take care of me are well, biased. I have 2 younger brothers both of which are actually related to my parents. I’m sorry I can't do this. Every time I use that word it’s just unnatural. They feed me and they care for me but they're not my real parents. And like I said they're biased. They make it very obvious that they love my brothers more than me and why shouldn't they? I mean I’m grateful for them and I love them, at times, but they're not my parents. Any way my brothers are Ron and Max, age 14 and age 12 respectively, and they can be as annoying as hell. I’m 17 btw and a junior in high school. Sorry if I’m boring you but to be honest if you are bored you can kiss my ass. Shit where was I? Oh right my life story. I've moved 3 times in my life, first I lived in San Antonio till I was 8, then to Highland Park (if you don’t know what that is get off your lazy ass and google it), then during the summer I moved here to Black Creek. It’s in Texas and a suburb where the kids are higher than their grades are. The schools are decent but my class size alone is 500. Pretty damn big right? Just for the record its only 2 weeks until the school year starts and I already hate it here.
When I first heard about the move to Black Creeks I was petrified. I was gonna leave the few friends I had behind to start it all over. You know this whole situation may sound a little cliché but fuck you. I’m a bit of a loner I guess. Not good at sports, not in any clubs, the only thing artistic I do is graffiti. I don’t play videogames and I don’t do shit. Honestly I could care less because I had some good friends. No we didn't go out and drink and smoke weed but we did do some crazy shit. Ever rode on the top of a moving car? Don't try it I broke my arm doing that but it was fun as hell. No regrets. Anyway I moved and they moved on. I miss those guys but I’m sure they've nearly forgotten me. We moved for the same reason everyone else moves a better job for my parents. I don’t know why they took it cause they're fucking loaded. Call it pride but I never abuse that and I actually resent that. I’m offered the best but I always turn it down. Don't ask why but I just do. At first my parents were worried but as time went on they stopped trying. They feel sorry for me and I hate that. Everyone feels sorry for me but I don’t know why. Its fucking bullshit.
We are currently living in a fucking multimillion dollar house that I hate. The house itself is beautiful but I don’t deserve to live in it. I honestly would rather be on the streets then cooped up in this house. And in Highland Park me and my friends got the hell out of there and just slept outside. Our parents didn't care but that was fine with us. I would leave this house and go sleep on some roof but I don’t know the neighborhood and don’t want to do something stupid. I miss my old life but that's all it is old. I don’t care for luxuries and only take what I need. So I sit here in jeans with holes in em, a grey hoodie, and worn out vans writing this on my phone rather than some expensive laptop while my brothers are lounging on the couch beside me in new air Jordan’s, Abercrombie shirts, and khaki shorts. Don’t know why it pisses me off so much that they throw around money but it just does. The only nice thing I own is my car, a Chevy avalanche, but that was a gift and compensation for my parents forcing us to move and while I love that car I only use it when I absolutely need to. I have everything I need to live lavishly but there are things I’m missing.
Friends, motivation, my real parents (but fuck them), but most of all being wanted. There's a reason my parents don't care if sleep on the street. They honestly don’t care about me and it shows. They're here to see me grow up and then after that well I don’t know.
My name is Connor Means.
I'm alone, unwanted, and this is my story.