Confused...

[xXoblivionXx]

I just don't get it, I haven't cut for 10 days. School is fine, my family has been better to me, and my mom and I have been actually talking. But I still feel sad. I still feel like I'm horrible at everything and anything that comes out of my mouth is stupid. I just don't get it. :( I knew I don't deserve happiness. It's all my fault, everything is my fault. I can't do this right. I can't let myself be happy. Everything else is fine, everything except me. I don't belong here, I don't deserve to live. Why can't I feel joy and have pleasure in anything? It's because I'm not letting myself be happy, I'm trapping myself in my mind. I need to get out of this prison, there's only one way...

[Fractured Silhouette]

Now I really don't want to think about what you mean by, "there's only one way..." But I'm going to assume you mean hurting or killing yourself. I'd just like to point out how death doesn't 'free you' from anything. Perhaps it seems like it will, but it won't. So please don't try it.

Have you considered telling someone you trust about this. Try and explore all options before jumping to a conclusion such as "death is the only way", it may seem like it now, but it's not.

So let me point out a few things: you do belong here, you do deserve happiness, it's not your fault and you most certainly deserve to live. If you want to be happy, then you're going to have to work at it. Please don't expect yourself to become happy all at once because (unfortunately) that's not how life works. So TELL someone please. Even if you think it won't help it's at-least worth a shot, better than dying most certainly.

[xXoblivionXx]

the sad thing is I'm already getting help... I just don't deserve this, I'm being punished.

[Carly011]

no no no no no. YOU DO DESERVE IT. Its sooooo hard to see when your depressed, but you really do. We all deserve happiness!! And you will get there, quitting cutting is just 1 part of it!! Every time you catch your self thinking "i cant do this, im not worth it" stop yourself and think i CAN do this, i AM worth it. Think it even if you dont believe it, eventually you will start believing it :)

[xXoblivionXx]

my day can be perfect but I still can't be happy... something is wrong with me :(

[Fractured Silhouette]

That's good that you're getting help. Just tell them how you're feeling.

No you don't deserve this. (Sorry if this sounds a bit cold) But it's happening anyway, you just have to deal with it in the best way you can.

Who are you being punished by? Parents? Teachers? Try to explain to them that you don't deserve it and give a solid explanation as to why. Or do you feel that life it-self is punishing you? Life is just a series of random events affected by the choices of people (such as you and me), it doesn't go out and decide to pick on people for the fun of it. Just keep going, it'll get better eventually. Even though you can't see it now.

There are loads of people on this site willing to talk to you. So, if it helps, have a conversation with someone.

[xXoblivionXx]

i... punish myself. I cut. Well I have been trying to stop and I haven't for about a week and a half. I don't know if this is all just some type of withdrawal symptom or something.