Wiltedrose2394
May 17th, 2012, 03:32 PM
I don't know what to do. I'm not even really sure if I have an eating disorder.
I am very morbidly obese. For the last two years or so, I have been shifting between eating normally/purging, eating very little/purging, just eating normally and just eating very little. I used to binge a lot when I was younger. But after my sister was diagnosed with bullimia, my eating habits really changed. I am still very
Heavy, but my weight has been dropping (which is obviously a good thing).
But the way I've been going about it (starving myself and purging) is not healthy.
its very complicated....... and now my counselor has asked me how I've been losing weight.
what do I tell her?
I know she assumes that I eat to comfort myself, which is even more distressing and offesnsive cuz it actually makes me very distressed when I eat. I don't know how to tell her......and I'm worried she won't believe me.
HELP ...... advice???
~~~~~update~~~~~~
So a week ago, I told my counselors (I actually have two). One of them acknowledges it as an issue. Let's call her counselor. A The other one (counselor B) kinda just made me feel like it was OK to do it because I'm fat (B was the one who assumed I binge eat to comfort myself).
It bothers me IMMENSELY because "A" is a normal weight... a little curvy even, so I think she gets it more. "B" is a tiny little twig. It's so confusing cuz I can't decide whether I'm hurt by "B" way of thinking or if I'm happy because she might not bug me about it. I mean, it took me a year and a half to even bring it up, and when I do "B" treats it like I'm not telling the truth. This is precisely (Part of) the reason I didn't wanna say anything!!!! I feel like, cuz I'm such a cow, that no one will believe me. I mean, who's really gonna believe that someone my size has a problem other than binge eating?!?!?!
I'm so confused!!!! To top it off, "A" is leaving me cuz of my cheap ass insurance plan. I don't feel like "B" understands me as well as "A" does .....but she's all I have left. I worry that she thinks I'm just spouting shit and doesn't really even care about how much I hate myself.
I just don't know anymore. "A" helped me find a nutritionist near me, but I worry that the nutritionist won't believe me either.
I'm scared cuz I think it's getting worse. Ever since I came out with this problem, I've been completely obsessing about it. The first day when I told "A" about it, I was able to hold it in and ignore the little voice saying "Lardass, you don't deserve to eat! Everything you eat and drink is going to make you even fatter!", etcetera etcetera.
But now, I have been eating less and less..... and I haven't eaten anything all day. Stranger still, is that now I feel this insanely huge amount of satisfaction in feeling so hungry.
Sorry. This edit is all over the place, and turned out to be incredibly long LOL.
Anymore advice on the matter???
I am very morbidly obese. For the last two years or so, I have been shifting between eating normally/purging, eating very little/purging, just eating normally and just eating very little. I used to binge a lot when I was younger. But after my sister was diagnosed with bullimia, my eating habits really changed. I am still very
Heavy, but my weight has been dropping (which is obviously a good thing).
But the way I've been going about it (starving myself and purging) is not healthy.
its very complicated....... and now my counselor has asked me how I've been losing weight.
what do I tell her?
I know she assumes that I eat to comfort myself, which is even more distressing and offesnsive cuz it actually makes me very distressed when I eat. I don't know how to tell her......and I'm worried she won't believe me.
HELP ...... advice???
~~~~~update~~~~~~
So a week ago, I told my counselors (I actually have two). One of them acknowledges it as an issue. Let's call her counselor. A The other one (counselor B) kinda just made me feel like it was OK to do it because I'm fat (B was the one who assumed I binge eat to comfort myself).
It bothers me IMMENSELY because "A" is a normal weight... a little curvy even, so I think she gets it more. "B" is a tiny little twig. It's so confusing cuz I can't decide whether I'm hurt by "B" way of thinking or if I'm happy because she might not bug me about it. I mean, it took me a year and a half to even bring it up, and when I do "B" treats it like I'm not telling the truth. This is precisely (Part of) the reason I didn't wanna say anything!!!! I feel like, cuz I'm such a cow, that no one will believe me. I mean, who's really gonna believe that someone my size has a problem other than binge eating?!?!?!
I'm so confused!!!! To top it off, "A" is leaving me cuz of my cheap ass insurance plan. I don't feel like "B" understands me as well as "A" does .....but she's all I have left. I worry that she thinks I'm just spouting shit and doesn't really even care about how much I hate myself.
I just don't know anymore. "A" helped me find a nutritionist near me, but I worry that the nutritionist won't believe me either.
I'm scared cuz I think it's getting worse. Ever since I came out with this problem, I've been completely obsessing about it. The first day when I told "A" about it, I was able to hold it in and ignore the little voice saying "Lardass, you don't deserve to eat! Everything you eat and drink is going to make you even fatter!", etcetera etcetera.
But now, I have been eating less and less..... and I haven't eaten anything all day. Stranger still, is that now I feel this insanely huge amount of satisfaction in feeling so hungry.
Sorry. This edit is all over the place, and turned out to be incredibly long LOL.
Anymore advice on the matter???