Im a guy and i cut myself! help!

[razorbladesalvation]

Well basically im male 18 from england, and for what i can see i dont understand why i cut other than out of boredom?

Honestly i don't really have a good life, I do a few dodgy things to make ends meat, and im also a big recreational drug smoker, and maybe abit bipolar =/

It all started back when i was young i had alot of scars from various injuries and i got to like them, the way each one told a story, the way they made me unique to everyone else in the world, but i never really resorted to scarring myself but if i got a cut i would pick the scab to make sure it left a scar.

Recently though i have found myself calling to the Razor Blade to help take me away from the world, im not in college, not working, and honestly have no reason to even wake up in the morning, but why would that make me want to cut? its just not doing anything alot of people in the world do nothing and dont cut themselves?

I really don't know it kinda makes me ashamed to let people find out, just incase they pass judgment etc...

Over the past 2 or 3years though ive been having states of hyperactivity closely followed by a week or 2 of manic depression constantly feeling like im worthless and will never amount to anything, I don't sleep i just lie in bed reliving the stupid things ive done and then the blade comes out, i think to myself just 1 little cut, then litterally 1min later theres 5 - 10cuts i just dont know what to do anymore?

Is anyone else like me or honestly have i just plain fucked it...

be as honest as you can i wont take it to heart :P

[Sonic Boom]

Well, I wasn't quite as extreme as you. But I had similar feelings of worthlessness.

So I did some voluntary community service to contribute back to society blah blah, and find myself really. Made me feel a little less useless and a little more fortunate.

Maybe think about travelling? Doing some volunteer work for underprivileged people there? Give yourself a chance to find yourself. And have an adventure!

[razorbladesalvation]

ive done a heck of alot of travelling tbh ive been to the majority of the world in a short space of time and done some volunteer work just nothing works, I can have days where im the happyiest guy you will ever meet and in a instant im the most depressed argumentative person you will meet and that when i recoil back to my own little ''safe zone''

[Sonic Boom]

Then I suggest you get some professional help/ medication for this ASAP.

[razorbladesalvation]

I've spoke to a doctor about the possiblity of bipolar disorder but honestly I just got
shrugged off no 2nd thought but the cutting is more of a thing I'd like to keep quiet for the time being

[XxArcAngelxX]

i myself am bipolar, have you seen a psychologist? they can give you tests to help figure out whats going on =p

[razorbladesalvation]

Erm no i havent really thought about it i dont like getting things out there in the open but ill look into it

[Desuetude]

I don't sleep i just lie in bed reliving the stupid things ive done and then the blade comes out, i think to myself just 1 little cut, then litterally 1min later theres 5 - 10cuts i just dont know what to do anymore?
Try doing things to help you sleep better: don't eat a while before you want to go to bed, relax maybe read a book or listen to calming music, don't go on anything or have anything electrical near you maybe an hour before you sleep because it wakes up the mind, try not to think of the bad things you've done but the good things that have actually helped no matter how big or small they may be.

Telling yourself it will only be one tiny little cut does nothing. Try to distract yourself when you get the urge. Maybe write down what you're feeling or music is a good distraction. You don't need to cut though, it's not the only option and it's better to try and quit now because things could start to get worse.
I've spoke to a doctor about the possiblity of bipolar disorder but honestly I just got shrugged off no 2nd thought but the cutting is more of a thing I'd like to keep quiet for the time being
Try another doctor? They all have different points of view and experiances and sometimes when one will say it's nothing whereas another could think there is something wrong. I would reccomend going back to the GP to be honest.

Cutting is hard to talk about but it's no good leaving it, especially if you know something is wrong. Nothing will get better and the more times you you persuade yourself that "Oh, I'll go and see someone about it tomorrow" the harder it will get. Build up the courage and just snatch is while you can because if you do want to help yourself you sound like you need some support to get you on your way.
Erm no i havent really thought about it i dont like getting things out there in the open but ill look into it
I know it's hard but sometimes opening up is the best thing for it. Keeping everything you're feeling and thinking to yourself is putting a lot of weight onto your shoulders and to be honest it's likely that the longer it's there are nothing is getting sorted the more you'll cut. Is there anyone you trust enough just to open up to even if just a little bit, maybe they can help you get back on your feet.

[razorbladesalvation]

Thanks i do completely understand but i have spent my entire life putting my self down for the sake of others and holding things back to make sure other people have a easy life insted of putting myself or my body first.
I will give it a shot though im not a quitter :)