why do i even try?

[Carly011]

I feel like im invisible. Like im a no body, like i dont even matter. I feel so gross and ugly. Its like people come home and don't even say hi to me, they walk right by me and dont say a word. They don't even notice that i am on the verge of tears.

I feel like such a loser. Why am i so useless? Why don't i ever matter? Why am i always the last on everyones list. Am i really that crappy of a person? am i really that stupid and ugly that no one even cares? Am i really worth that little?

If no one cares, if im worth so little why am i even alive? Why can't i just end it all. End the pain for me. End the pain for others. I have nothing to live for. Nothing. I feel so stupid, fat, gross. And most of all ugly. I am disgusting. Why can't i be pretty like the other girls? why doesn't anyone care about me?

I don't even know why i try.... i should just cut my leg up like i always do. I dont know why im even trying to hold off right now..i guess its because i cut multiple times a day as it is. I dont want to add more scars. But i know i am weak. I will break down probably by the end of the night and cut again. Im not strong enough to quit.

Not to mention its not like anyone cares that i cut...my parents know. My siblings know. people know. They don't care. They don't even try to stop me. They don't even get upset. The only person who is there for me is my therapist...but its not enough.

why do i even try....i hate this. i hate life.

Sorry i just had to get all of this out....don't bother reading it. Its not like anyone cares anyways. I doubt anyone will even read this. Im not worth it. Im not worth anything

[xXoblivionXx]

Carly please stop saying that you are weak, because that is not true. You are not useless, ugly, or stupid. You don't need to be pretty like other girls, you are beautiful! Why would you want to be like those other "pretty" girls? You are SO much better than those other girls. You are pretty on the outside and the inside. Your family cares about you, even if they don't, I care about you. <3 I care that you cut, I want you to stop cutting. I will try my best to help you stop. :) Message me if you ever want to talk.

[Carly011]

Thank you so much :) i just feel so alone. I feel like i have no one, and that no one cares what happens to me. Sometimes i feel like the only one who cares is my brother, but he has his girlfriend. I just feel so.... i dont even know. I just hate life so much. Why cant i just be happy? thats all i want...see i cant even do that right

[Bath]

I can assure you that you are not alone. I know that doesn't make the feelings go away, but sometimes it helps knowing that you're not the only person going through this.

I know it feels like everything sucks right now, but you have to take this day by day. Break it down moment by moment if you have to. When you feel yourself in a bind like this, take deep breaths, listen to music that helps you or comforts you, and think slowly. I know it's not always preventable but try not to have your mind race. Try to keep your adrenaline down. Focus on yourself, your body, where you are. Focus on the good things. Focus on what you have. You have your therapist. I'm sure you have other things too... your favorite song, the sky, I dunno, stuff that makes things a little worth it. Focus on the bare minimum. Keep taking deep breaths.

It is a day by day thing. Not everything will get better immediately, but it's a combination of waiting it out and trying to make things better for yourself. And I can't promise you that once you feel better, that you won't feel this way again. You might, it's only human.

Here's a song that might help, I dunno why I feel like suggesting it but it helped me a lot. If you don't like the tune, listen to the words, they're really comforting.
KUZJ82eaH4k

And, if this helps, I read this and I do care. :)

[RazorTourniquet]

Carly, of course there is a reason to live and being "pretty" won't save your soul and not even life. Fuck the appearance and concentrate on yourself. When there's no body in your family to grab your hand and show you the way you'll just have to clench your fist and fight your way out of self doubts and incecurness. You can do it and I believe in you. We all do.

[Breakeven]

I care , i want to read what u post and i wanna help u , dont care about people they just dont know how great u are and u are pretty hun , ur strong enough to hold on , life is worth it

[Carly011]

Thank you everyone. That helped a lot. Thank you for being here for me even if you dont know me. :)

[razorbladesalvation]

im in the same boat myself carly except no one knows i cut, reading this made me want to cry and come and give you a shoulder to lean on need anyone to talk to just message me :)

[Mortal Coil]

I know you're better now, but like everyone else said, you're not alone or useless, you are beautiful and we're all here for you. Don't give up <3