Is my boyfriend gay, bisexual, experimenting?

[poprockpop]

Is my boyfriend gay, bisexual, experimenting?
I've already done a lot of research on this, and a lot of people say it's completely normal to experiment but there are also a few who say it's definitely gay.

So, I've been dating this guy for about 7 months now. A few months ago I read through his fb messages (I know, bad right), and found that he had messaged someone about being bicurious, but still avidly interested in girls. He also had a very explicit conversation with another guy and the message indicated that they had hooked up. This was all before we met but I still broke up with him over it and he didn't speak to me for weeks. We got back together though and he told me he was a victim of incestual rape when he was little. Later on, I found out he hooked up with a guy while we were broken up and had gone to gay bars. I confronted him about it and he explained the childhood rape incident and that he wanted to experiment but didn't like it and is still in love with me and could never ever see himself marrying a guy or having a relationship with one.

It's hard to trust him when he says that with all the experimenting he's done. Also, I sometimes have doubt in his rape story, which I feel awful about since that's such a personal and painful topic. It's just that he hid the entire experimentation thing from me in the first place (he thought it'd scare me off) and he has lied to me on one other occasion (nothing to do with this but it was an important lie to me). I know a lot of people will say he's definitely gay, but is there a chance he really was just experimenting? It'd be really helpful to hear from someone who has experimented or someone who is gay.

Thanks! And please no bigotry or jumping to quick conclusions. Please think this out carefully for me :)

[Charoum]

I would say that at most he is experimenting, and what people would consider "gay" is irrelevant. Homosexuality is based on them having an emotional connection with onl the same gender. He could be bisexual, or just curious, but that shouldn't matter if you truly love him. As for the rape thing, that could have emotional and psychological issues, and could have left him confused. He probably didn't tell you because as you said, he thought he would scare you off, and probably because it's a very emotional memory. You shouldn't really with that much about it, just support him and love him like you already do. So long as he hasn't cheated on you, there is no reason to not trust him. Just be there for him regardless of his gender preference.

[jjsmitty]

Sounds to me as though he's just being a normal teenage guy, i'd say theres nothing to worry about, most guys will try it out one day.

[Desuetude]

I would say that at most he is experimenting, and what people would consider "gay" is irrelevant. Homosexuality is based on them having an emotional connection with onl the same gender. He could be bisexual, or just curious, but that shouldn't matter if you truly love him. As for the rape thing, that could have emotional and psychological issues, and could have left him confused. He probably didn't tell you because as you said, he thought he would scare you off, and probably because it's a very emotional memory. You shouldn't really with that much about it, just support him and love him like you already do. So long as he hasn't cheated on you, there is no reason to not trust him. Just be there for him regardless of his gender preference.
This is a great post. I don't think you can call him gay as that would mean, as said above, he would have an emotional connection with guys and he said he could never see himself marrying/having a relationship with one.
You need to sort out your feelings about this and really think about if you can trust him or not because if you feel you can't then ask yourself what you want from this realtionship if you can't trust the one other person in it. Trust is a very important factor.

[Drew5]

If you can't trust him, then there will never be a decent relationship. You can believe wgat he says or don't, but don't date anyone you don't trust. Like...why would you?

It's more abt you than him actually

[gayprideguy12]

a good relationship depends on trust, if you cant trust him then theirs no point in going further with a relationship sometimes when you love someone deeply you just have to let go and move on, so you can find someone who is trustful to you.

[boonsim]

His sexuality seems to be the least important in this situation:
1. You read his facebook messages. You invaded his privacy.
2. He had a sexual conversation with another guy. He was, in a sense, cheating on you.

The rape could have had an influence on him sexually. His distorted experience with sex may have changed his sexual interests. Did it make him gay? No.

This relationship certainly has a trust issue. You should be more respectful of his privacy, and he should be honest, and not have sexy internet chats with other people.

I'm not sure of his sexual orientation. It could be either, but probably just experimenting.

[Mysterious Skin]

At the risk of sounding like Dr.Phil, it looks as though there is some trust issues within your relationships. If you feel like you have to invade his privacy to know more about him, there's definitely a problem. Anyway, I had the same problem with a guy a few months back. I asked him weather he was actually gay ( which was a mistake) and he refused to talk to me for days. I think to fully understand the concept of your relationship, you need to communicate more with him. That I'd the only way to get a defined answer.