Urge...

[xXoblivionXx]

Just a little rant. I need to get all of this out of my head, so bare with me.

Today all of that going to high school pressure hit me. I forgot to change my schedule so now I am not any honors courses :( I feel so dumb and stupid... everyone else who are in my classes are taking at LEAST one honors course. So I felt really bad and wanted to cut but I am trying to stop (4 days :) ) So I took out my note book and just started to get my anger out through words instead. I don't know how well I'm going to do in high school :/ I know that it is okay for me to not take any honors but I feel... average. How can I make a difference in this world if I am the same as everyone else? I just don't want to cut because if I cut again my parents will be notified :/ I can do this by myself I just need to be strong.

[Carly011]

You are STRONG. In all honesty, its probably best you didnt take any honors courses. Right now you have SO MUCH stress and things going on, why add one more? You have the rest of your life to make a difference. Go volunteer at a hospital, or the animal shelter. That will make a difference :) It will be OK. One semester of no honor courses wont kill you :)

PS im still VERY proud of you for not cutting!!

[xXoblivionXx]

Thanks Carly :)

[Jupiter]

Wow, you are strong!

<3 You sound like you're my age. Just so you know, you aren't stupid. You are pacing yourself. You can do this. <3

[xXoblivionXx]

thanks matty. Actually we are the same age. I turn 15 in september. I'm just extremely anxious and feel so weak... I hope I can do this.

[Fourth Dimension]

you are strong and remain that way =) best of luck

[xXoblivionXx]

if i'm so strong then why do I feel so weak and vulnerable?

[Carly011]

you may FEEL weak, but what we feel is not always the truth. I FEEL fat, but im not. I FEEL like a failure, even though i may not be. You FEEL weak, even though you are SO strong! I could never have lasted as long as you! i am so proud :D And you are vulnerable right now, the one tool you have been using to cope has been taken away, now you need to find new ways to cope and to build your confidence back up!

[xXoblivionXx]

aww thanks! Do you really think that? I just want the pain to go away and I am learning new ways to cope, VT is definitely one of them :D

[Carly011]

yes, i dont only believe it I KNOW IT :D You can do this, i know you can! :)

[xXoblivionXx]

:D You can do it too :)

[Carly011]

not so sure about that, your way stronger then me!

[xXoblivionXx]

No Carly, don't EVER think that. You have just as big of a chance of stoping as I do... You are strong :)

[Carly011]

You have more support than i do. Hopefully one day i can do it. Hopefully i become strong like you. You ARE doing it. Thats amazing. You give me hope that i can do it :)

[xXoblivionXx]

that's funny, you are the one that gave me hope :)

[Destructive Impulse]

Cpngrats and stay strong

[xXoblivionXx]

thanks I'm trying my hardest... i just can't relapse again, otherwise life is going to be even more like hell...

[Destructive Impulse]

Well were all here for ya