Why im not in a relationship

[Destructive Impulse]

I want to be in one but i have too high of standards i guess. I want a girl who cares about me and will comfort me when im down but not belittle me, just understand. I want someone i can talk to and listen to. I want someone who can continue to live their life without me getting in the way but still makes time for me. Someone i can rely on. And yes someone who is attractive but also finds me attractive. I want someone who can take things slow and doesnt want a purely physical relationship.

I also am afraid to ask anyone out because i feel like no one cares about me.

[ImCoolBeans]

I'm a fairly introverted person myself, and I really don't like to share anything with anyone, but I'll share this with you because I hope it can help you out a little bit. For a very long time I thought that nobody would like me, no body would care about me, nobody would want to be with me, etc... And that's really all that I ever wanted. I used to think that I was not good enough, or that I wasn't lovable because I was either slightly chubby, I thought I was ugly, annoying, bothersome, a burden, or anything along those lines. I wanted the same things that you do, and I wanted them more than anybody. I would constantly think about how I just wanted somebody who I could cuddle with, hold, call mine, and it wouldn't be all about sex. Sex is bound to happen in relationships, in fact it can really be a healthy factor in a relationship, but sex shouldn't be something that you look for in relationships, and it seemed as if thats all that everybody wanted.

Once I got over the phase in my life where sex or thinking about sex in relationships was a big deal, all of that stuff started getting to me. I started to feel very lonely, and it's only recently that I don't feel as lonely anymore. I don't have a boyfriend, although I would love for one, but somebody very close to me has shown me that I am able to be loved, that I am able to have people like me for who I genuinely am and not for sex, and most important of all; that I am good enough.

I'm not a very confident person at all, and based on your post I gather that you might not be either because you stated that you're afraid to ask people out based on your fear of rejection, which is the same boat that I was in, and still am to a certain degree. But confidence isn't the biggest part of asking a girl out, bud. Actually following through is, and that does take a bit of courage, but I'm sure you can do it.

You seem to have some ground rules laid out, some set standards, which is a good thing. You don't need to settle for second best, because you won't be happy with it. I tried to settle for second best purely based off of my lack of confidence, and in the long run I became very unhappy and very unpleased with what I had done/who I had become. You don't need to do that, set your goals and go for them.

I think your standard of "not being in it for sex" or just not being in a relationship purely for the physical aspects of it is a very good one. But I believe that basically in any relationship you encounter you will be able to do normal boyfriend/girlfriend things with, and that seems to be what you're getting at here. Openness and communication is massively important in a relationship, and that is something that you can actually influence. You can break your partner out of their shell a little bit if they aren't the most open or talkative, but often times a girlfriend will want to talk/communicate.

I think that if you can create a relationship that isn't based solely on sexual interaction, you will find that the other aspects you desire will fall into place. You've got what you want in your head, and you may or may not be interested in somebody; but when you are, the first step is to talk to them and then ask them out. The best advice I can give you towards that is to be up front and to be yourself. You do you better than anybody else. You don't need to be somebody you are not. Stick to your guns and go into it with your chin up, I'm sure you'll find the girl you're looking for :)

[therunaway]

we're so much alike in this situation. be strong.

[starvingluv]

All the things you said in here are basicly the type of girlfriend i would be but for me personally i dont think im attractive that much but my friends say im really pretty. Anyway umm... if you wanna talk then message me.

[lolz98]

same here... :|

[KarkatLuv]

That isn't to high of a standard, but you are still young, and young people (unless mature mentally) can sometimes be like that, it will happen one day, there is always someone out there for everyone

[Destructive Impulse]

I'm a fairly introverted person myself, and I really don't like to share anything with anyone, but I'll share this with you because I hope it can help you out a little bit. For a very long time I thought that nobody would like me, no body would care about me, nobody would want to be with me, etc... And that's really all that I ever wanted. I used to think that I was not good enough, or that I wasn't lovable because I was either slightly chubby, I thought I was ugly, annoying, bothersome, a burden, or anything along those lines. I wanted the same things that you do, and I wanted them more than anybody. I would constantly think about how I just wanted somebody who I could cuddle with, hold, call mine, and it wouldn't be all about sex. Sex is bound to happen in relationships, in fact it can really be a healthy factor in a relationship, but sex shouldn't be something that you look for in relationships, and it seemed as if thats all that everybody wanted.

Once I got over the phase in my life where sex or thinking about sex in relationships was a big deal, all of that stuff started getting to me. I started to feel very lonely, and it's only recently that I don't feel as lonely anymore. I don't have a boyfriend, although I would love for one, but somebody very close to me has shown me that I am able to be loved, that I am able to have people like me for who I genuinely am and not for sex, and most important of all; that I am good enough.

I'm not a very confident person at all, and based on your post I gather that you might not be either because you stated that you're afraid to ask people out based on your fear of rejection, which is the same boat that I was in, and still am to a certain degree. But confidence isn't the biggest part of asking a girl out, bud. Actually following through is, and that does take a bit of courage, but I'm sure you can do it.

You seem to have some ground rules laid out, some set standards, which is a good thing. You don't need to settle for second best, because you won't be happy with it. I tried to settle for second best purely based off of my lack of confidence, and in the long run I became very unhappy and very unpleased with what I had done/who I had become. You don't need to do that, set your goals and go for them.

I think your standard of "not being in it for sex" or just not being in a relationship purely for the physical aspects of it is a very good one. But I believe that basically in any relationship you encounter you will be able to do normal boyfriend/girlfriend things with, and that seems to be what you're getting at here. Openness and communication is massively important in a relationship, and that is something that you can actually influence. You can break your partner out of their shell a little bit if they aren't the most open or talkative, but often times a girlfriend will want to talk/communicate.

I think that if you can create a relationship that isn't based solely on sexual interaction, you will find that the other aspects you desire will fall into place. You've got what you want in your head, and you may or may not be interested in somebody; but when you are, the first step is to talk to them and then ask them out. The best advice I can give you towards that is to be up front and to be yourself. You do you better than anybody else. You don't need to be somebody you are not. Stick to your guns and go into it with your chin up, I'm sure you'll find the girl you're looking for :)

Well I don't believe in premarital sex.

[HealingScars]

Your standards are not to high. I had high standards just as you do and it took forever for me to find the right guy for me. But when I stopped looking and I wasn't expecting it I met the right guy for me. And, he has standards for the girls he dates. And, for some reason I met those standards. I know the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship and it isn't fun. But don't rush it just take your time in finding the right girl. YOU WILL! Believe in your standards and keep pressing forward. You will find someone.

[obahdheyfsfd]

Be strong.

[Destructive Impulse]

Thanks guys but the longer I'm not with someone the more people are gonna wrongly think I'm gay. There already are some rumors goin around. I just don't want to be in a relationship just for the sake of bein in one

[just]

I know its so hard to actually, be in a relationship with this "dreamgirl", but its hard to find a girl that meets all of our requirements, I mean, I want to be rich, have many cars, a mansion, and so on, and I think anyone wants that, but sometimes we have to realize that its so hard to get that, I mean, chase your dreams, its ok but meanwhile you can have fun, gain experience with another girl.
when you say "I also am afraid to ask anyone out because i feel like no one cares about me."
I felt the same before, and I waited for just what you said before, this dreamgirl, but I think I waited too much and was hurted many times, I was given up. and then a girl came out looking for me, she isn't my dreamgirl but I realize I can gain experience, make her happy, and make me too.
the point here is that, meanwhile you wait for a girl that meets all of your requirements you can look for some other girls, to have fun, gain experience and beat this thing of being shy. so whrn you find this dreamgirl you'll be prepared to treat her

[Azunite]

You are looking at a man who crushed and went through the gates of Fort Friendzone and escaped from the Void of ForeverAloneliness.

You can do it.

[TheGangstaSheep]

I had some advice from someone I respect a lot about a similar situation. If you can relate to it or not I don't know but here it is "Be gentle on yourself, especially when you're feeling down. Life is here to lend a hand.". Learn to accept yourself and don't think that you are worse than someone else. Of course, it's hard to feel good when there will always be someone better than you but be happy with who you are and then someone will want you. :)

[Destructive Impulse]

Well also I can't find anyone who I really like.

[TheGangstaSheep]

You will be attracted to those who you like in time. Do not "love" someone for the sake of proving you're not gay. If you know who you are, in time people will come to accept you for that. Those who have a point to prove are the ones who are questioned the most.