Cheated on by Bi boyfriend

[jjsmitty]

Okay I know this isnt really the place for this BUT i'm getting no help in Relationships and Dating and really am desparate for other people's opinions.
Me and my Boyfriend have been together for around 2 years, he was my school crush and the guy that I first confessed by bisexuality to and he came out to me in the next sentence as bi aswell. Since then we hit it off, my ideal partner, strong enough to be a man, straight acting with that Greek charm, but sensitive and a great bottom :D
Sometimes we go to swinger type nights where we meet other couples and allow eachother to express the other side of our bisexuality, which is fine. These are meant to be one night stands which are just forgotten about and we both enjoy them equally.
But I recently found out he had carried on with a girl for another 3 months after the one night stand, which really upset me. He apologised alot, says he will never do it again and that he loves me etc etc. But i'm worried to trust him again, I mean I practically kicked him out of bed last night and havent spoken to him since. I'm worried that the one person I truly love and have confessed all to could leave me, but i'm equally worried about his commitment. Or is this just a case of him really going to town on the other side of his Bisexuality? I still love him.
What would VT do? Thanks guys and gals for your help.

[Sonic Boom]

Well he certainly doesn't want to upset you by breaking up. He clearly likes you a lot. Now, that is all good and well, but I would prefer an honest and sincere relationship. I would talk to him about it and ask him who he really wants to be with. I'd want his honest opinion. If he chooses you, then he must stick by that. If he chooses the girl, let him go! Then at least you won't be in a fake relationship.

That's just my 2 cents. You do whatever you think is right. Goodluck and all the best.

[Harley Quinn]

In my own personal opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater. Just because you go to these nights doesn't mean you end up with them, it's meant to be fun, and he is not simply expressing the other side of his bisexuality. It doesn't work like that. I think that unless you truly trust that he will never and I repeat never cheat again you shouldn't be with him. Either way, he's in the wrong and you'll either have to forgive or forget.

[PerpetualMotionSquad]

Okay what I would do, but I am a little harsh, is get rid of him. One thing I cannot stand is a cheater and especially one like that who declares his love for a guy or girl and moves to the opposite gender. In my opinion he is pretty low. Sorry to slate your boyfriend but it's how I feel. If mine done that to me I wouldn't make any exceptions. But I suppose you're not like me so I suggest talking to him about it and make sure he promises you to NEVER do it again. He seems like he is truly sorry about it and you seem to have dejected him a lot so I guess he's learnt his lesson. I'd suggest giving it one more try. Or you can be like me and have another search but take into account what you have said in your post that you truly love him. Hope I helped :)

[riotroger]

Wow congrats on 2 years at least xD. Since you guys have been in a committed relationship for that long I would also say give him a second chance, but only that. If he cheats a second time then you should definitely end it with him. But yeah, I think give him another shot.

It takes 2 to make a relationship, meaning that he may not believe he's entirely at fault. Maybe you 2 have gotten complacent with your relationship? I don't mean to accuse you of anything, but in my experience people cheat on their loved ones is if the relationship isn't exciting anymore (ex. loss of sexual interest, too comfortable, losing sight of why you fell in love in the first place, etc). It happens to every couple, both partners feel like they're in such a secure and loving relationship and they stop trying.

I'm by no means justifying the fact he cheated, but it happens to so many couples in the world, and to me it makes more sense to figure out and fix why they cheated in the first place rather than cut them off entirely. Some cases are purely because the guy was a pig in the first place, but from what you've said it sounds like your guy is a good person who just made a bad decision.

So I guess what I'm saying is... give him a second chance, and remind him why you 2 fell in love in the first place :D

[jjsmitty]

Thanks for the help guys, alot of this is really helpful and means i'm gonna give the relationship a break for the rest of this week.
Some people have had really good ideas about bringing the relationship back to the level when we started, putting the excitement back in and taking the sexual aspect out for a bit, which I think is a really good idea. Thanks for your input guys, everything you have said has been a real help and if anyone has any more ideas shoot em' my way.

[Carolyn]

In my own personal opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater. Just because you go to these nights doesn't mean you end up with them, it's meant to be fun, and he is not simply expressing the other side of his bisexuality. It doesn't work like that. I think that unless you truly trust that he will never and I repeat never cheat again you shouldn't be with him. Either way, he's in the wrong and you'll either have to forgive or forget.

This. No matter what, I will never ever forgive someone who cheats, and I will never date anyone who admits to me that they cheated on someone... because Early on, I was too nice, and every single time I let someone like that keep dating me, it came back to hurt me.