I feel like im drowning...

[Carly011]

I feel like im just not going to survive this world. Its way to hard. I can't do it. I am seeing a therapist, but i feel horrible for wasting her time because im hopeless. I try to tell her what im feeling. I try to explain. But i can't, its like the words are in my mind but they wont come out of my mouth. I can't do this. I just wan't to go to sleep and never wake up. There is nothing in this world for me. I have no will to live. I dont care what happens to me. I just want to be away from all this pain. I cant survive a day without cutting. It gives me relief but then i feel horrible. I look at the scars on my legs and it reminds me of how messed up i am and how im never going to get better...

I dont know what to do.

I dont think i can do this.... It feels like the depression is never going to go away

[Error 404]

Well...(...)

Listen to music.You probably are already, but try to find some songs that make you happy/feel better...and be sure to go outside, and enjoy nature (i guess you live in the city, so find a park), and just...watch, read book/s, etc...it will make you feel better, and staying in the home will just make you feel worse really.

Even if you don't want to, make yourself go outside...

And i guess this might be getting boring, cause i think I've mentioned it in few threads already, but watch House M.D., or some comedy/older sitcom shows...

House is a perfect example (at least for me), of someone who is, well, miserable, so to say, but he's found what he likes to do, which makes pain/etc go away, and makes him feel better.

Do stuff that you like, and that can/have made you happy before...draw, talk with friends, have fun, what ever you like to do...

And try to talk to therapist, even if you can't say what you really want, try to write it maybe?...

[xXoblivionXx]

Oh Carly, it's going to be okay. I don't know how many times this must be said but I will keep saying this until you feel better. YOU CAN DO THIS! :) Try to do something that will take your mind off of cutting.

[Breakeven]

try to find away to put how u feel on the inside other than cutting like writing , music , art , anything u like
and it will get better ,its hard now but it will get better if u try to make it better
and u can do this :D

[Carly011]

Thanks everyone. I think i am going to try writing an email....maybe if i can get whats in my head out onto an email she wont have to ask me so many of the hard questions in our sessions....at least not until im ready.

I keep pushing forward. I really do want to get better, but i feel like being depressed is who i am. I dont know how to be happy, i only know sadness. I feel like being depressed is what defines me and no one will care about me if im not depressed.

[xXoblivionXx]

:/ Carly I will always care about you :D if your happy or depressed, I will always be here.

[Carly011]

awwww thanks! And the same goes for you, but i'd rather have you happy because i dont want you to be in pain!!!

[xXoblivionXx]

If you're happy I will be happy :D

[Desuetude]

Explaining doesn't have to come from words. Some people do find it very hard to explain what they're feeling. Maybe you could write a poem or write it down on paper. Draw a picture even just to try and get across how you're feeling. An email is good as well, if you just give it to her already prepared instead of having to think about it on the spot then that should be easier.

Depression does not definie you. Not at all. You might feel as though you need to be "you" but this isn't all you can be. You can get past this, try to distract your mind from it just do something else and hopefully this feeling will pass. Don't expect everything to go away at once but taking one step at a time is always the way to start and explaining to your therapist seems like a good place to begin.

[Carly011]

I ended up sending an email to my therapist.....i am insanely nervous though. I put down thoughts that i have never said before...it scares me telling others how i feel. I am so use to keeping it all inside that i dont know how to tell others. I try to take it one day at a time...but after 7 years of this depression i just feel like its never going away...but then i have to think about how i only started therapy in october but it feels like forever ya know? I just want to be better....but i dont know how.

Though i suppose sending an email to my therapist is a good step in the right direction


Thanks xYz, but you have to be happy no matter what!!!! I dont want you to be sad!!!