Lack of friends=lack of life

[James995]

Before someone comes in here and says "you don't need friends to live", not everyone is the same.
From 2nd grade through 8th grade I went to a normal school. Eventually, I started having bullying issues with the way I walk (I have an extended tailbone and Osgood-Schlatters disease). People called me "broomstick", "sticky", etc. I had had enough of it, so I left the school. I'm on an online school now (ECOT). The first 9 weeks was alright. I did my assignments when they were given. The second 9 weeks wasn't as good. I did a few assignments every now and then. The 3rd nine weeks was terrible. I ended up a few weeks behind, but caught up. Right now (4th nine weeks) it's the start of the 6th week, and I'm up to week 2 in one class, and I haven't started the others. I used to play a ton of games with my "friends", but now I don't because I have no "friends" to play them with. The only friends I have are the ones that I meet online. The only time I got to see my friends was at school as I'm paranoid of having friends over when my parents are here. In 8th grade, I tried out for the football team as a wide out/safety. I made it onto the team as the second receive and the starting safety. A few weeks into practice, the coach moves me to defensive tackle, and it stuck. I made it through conditioning just fine, and could outperform our best offensive lineman. People were glad to have me on the team. Less than a week after our first game, I sprained my right collarbone and right shoulder in phys ed (two difference places). The doctor originally thought it was dislocated, then they thought it was torn, then we had an MRI on it, which is when we found out that it was sprained. I was out for the season before it began. My mom forced me to quit, even though I could still play through the pain (adrenaline beats a couple sprains, even though I couldn't lift anything with my right arm any other time). When I was walking through the weight room to return my equipment, everyone was muttering "quitter" and/or "wimp". I couldn't even live with myself for the next few weeks, especially since school was still in session and I had to see everyone on the team in school.

Now, due to those few things, as well as a few others, I'm left friendless. I have almost nobody to talk to, and I cry (unmanly, but whatever.) almost everyday. I've also been friendzoned a few times at which point I gave up on the girl.

On the flip side of things, I have:
-a car (not paid off yet, but I have it at least)
-two computers, one custom built by me. (over $1000)
-a flatscreen tv in my room
-a 360
-two laptops
-a phone
-a tablet

I should be happy with what I've got, but I'm not. I still want more.

So, a few questions after saying all of this.
1. How do I make friends that I can actually talk to? (There's no way I can renew my friendship with the people I once knew.)
2. How do I rebuild my self-esteem?
3. How do I strengthen my work ethic?
4. How do I quit wanting things?

Sorry if what I said was a bit jumbled up.

[Desuetude]

1. You need to try and find people with common interests. You're more likely to get along or have something to talk about and although this isn't always the case it's probably the best way to start. maybe join an extra-curricular club whether that be football again, another sport or an academic one it's good to get out and actually meet people. Also online friends can also be very good. As long as you know who you're talking to and you trust them enough they can be a good influence on you and there are so many people online that you would find someone that you got alone with if you searched around for a while. Just be yourself and don't change to fit in with anyone because if they need you to change then they're not real friends and one small lie just gets more dragged out over time and it will end up bringing you down with it.

2. People online are also good for self-esteem. Talking and getting along with them can boost how you feel when talking to people in real life because although it's not exactly the same it is easier communicating being a screen than it is face to face. It could help get you ready for talking to people and getting to know them. Also wear clothes that make you feel comfortable, if you feel good then that's more likely to come off and you'll feel a lot more at ease with people. Don't put yourself down or compare yourself to other people because that won't do any good.

3. You need to find some way to motivate yourself. I know that it's very hard but having a goal that you have to reach at the end or just every day can make a difference. Maybe say, I'll do 2 hours of work in the subject and then i'll give myself a break for *however much time*, I don't know exactly what you have to do when you're doing it online. Also keep distractions away, shut down email and IM's and try and focus all your attention onto your work. You could keep a timetable/record of what you have to do and when because that's always a good way to get orgiansed and sticking to it when it's on paper is easier than when it's in your head.

4. Urmm material possessions shouldn't mean a lot but to some people they do. The more time you spend away from them and with other people the less you should crave them. Try giving something away to charity or a certain amount of money to a good cause every month and it might make you feel better that you're doing something good. Material things will only make you feel better for a short time. You don't need all the latest gadgets to fit in or make you seem cool. Maybe make a list of things you actually need and only get a few of them. If anything this is good, don't buy yourself anything unless you're doing well with school and your work is coming along well, that could be your motivation.
None of that probably made much sense so sorry.

[riotroger]

Before I give my opinion on each question, I'd just like to say its admirable that you haven't totally given up. I've felt extremely depressed, almost suicidal when I was younger. Whenever I think about it I remember how happy I am for not doing something do stupid and permanent. I'll admit it sounds like you've had it worse than I have, but there's always a way to improve your life, especially when you think you're at the bottom and the only way you can go is up. Here's what I think:

1. Friends aren't easy to come by, even when you're life is working out well. And you're well aware how difficult it is to form friendships. The best I can say is, you can definitely form friendships with people (in real life or online). You're still young, as you get older you (should) be able to find others with interests that are similar to yours. And believe me, once you've found a really great friend (even just one) you'll feel a lot better about yourself. Or at least, that's ideally how you'd feel xD.

2. I would agree that the online community is really great to boost your self-esteem. It starts with getting advice from people like us, and then the rest is pretty much up to you. You'll always have support from people online like us, but unless you apply it to real life you'll never truly regain your self-esteem. Once you're able to be self-confident without relying on others to boost your esteem, you'll be much better off with almost all aspects of your life.

3. I actually don't have a great answer for this, because I have a lousy work ethic myself. Usually the best way for me to remedy this is to force myself to be more productive. Rather than laying around doing nothing in my spare time, I try doing physical activities or just in general get out of the house. This usually makes me a little bit more productive, something about being at home makes me not want to do anything but relax and play video games, etc. I don't really have a better answer for this sorry... haha.

4. In my experience the only way to quit wanting things is to achieve them. I have alot of electronics as well that I probably don't need, and its nice to have them, but I wouldn't be happy if that's all I had. You're not a bad person for wanting more, because what you want is companionship (not talking about girls necessarily, I mean interaction and socializing with others in general, having friends, etc) and that's totally understandable. We all want to have people around us, whether its to talk with, hang out with, share interests with, or get romantically involved in. So don't feel bad about it, and you'll stop wanting things once you've managed to obtain them (I think :x).

Feel free to message/friend me if you want, whole reason why I'm on this site is to meet new people anyway :D. Hope this helps, and feel better xD

[James995]

Thanks to both of you. I did forget one slightly important detail. When I was 6, my mom and I lived with her boyfriend and his son. His son was friends with the neighbor kids. Long story short, I was taken advantage of, and may or may not have an std. I haven't been checked, yet.

[Desuetude]

Thanks to both of you. I did forget one slightly important detail. When I was 6, my mom and I lived with her boyfriend and his son. His son was friends with the neighbor kids. Long story short, I was taken advantage of, and may or may not have an std. I haven't been checked, yet.
Does your Mum know about what happened? Did you ever tell anyone because you really should get checked. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and at such an early age. If you haven't told her then I reccomend you do, it may be hard but your health is more important.

[commikid]

Well I dunno what to say. I have had times where I have had no mates at all and times where I've cried too. Its normal and life goes on. no one is perfect and you must remember that. I think our best bet would be to join a youth type club or sonething. One guy that I know has a brother that is autistic and he goes to like an autism group so that shows theres alsorts out there. As for what happend to you when you was 6 you should just go to the doctors and get checked out but if you was only 6 and your neighbours kid was of the same age or slightly older I doubt they would have an STI as they wont have even had sex yet. Let me know how you go on man ;) I talk to alsorts of random people on the internet. After all your not likely to meet many / any of them so just be yourself and see where it gets you ;)