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View Full Version : Scared of meeting somebody (who should be) close to you..


jay_
May 6th, 2012, 02:04 AM
My brother is graduating from university tomorrow and my dad is hosting a big party for all of our family, friends and my brothers friends and his parents.

I have been raised by my dad, my mom left us when I was 2. I have no memory of her but my brother does (he's quite a bit older). She isn't really spoken of and pretty much as far as we're concerned, she doesn't exist. My dad has ways of getting in contact with her but they're pretty much for emergencies only.

Back to the graduation party, my whole family has been invited and my dad spoke to my brother and suggested that we invite her and some of the members of her side of the family a few months ago. I guess word got back to her and she decided that she would like to come and celebrate with us. My dad and brother discussed it with me and they told me that my mother may show up, she may not but I should be prepared. Initially I was angry that she would be invited and that she would actually come but finally after talking to my dad he told me everything. My mom had a rough childhood and in the beginning she was great, married my dad and was a great mom to my brother, she had a few miscarriages after she had my brother and finally I was born. After I was born my mom had severe depression, along with her mother and father dying within a year after I was born, after her parents died her brother committed suicide. I guess losing so many people in her life and having depression was too much for her and she became an alcoholic and she started experimenting with drugs and stuff like that. I guess my mother would leave for days at a time and my dad would have to go pick her up because she had been doing so many drugs and finally he let her go.

My dad isn't the type to open up about this sort of stuff but he told me he would have wanted nothing more than to get my mom better but she just couldn't do it on her own and she wouldn't do it on her own. He said she had left for a week and when she called to come home he told her no.

That was it, I never heard from my mother again and my dad raised me as a single father since then.

I've never been more anxious in my whole life. I will be meeting the woman who gave birth to me.. I have no idea what she will be like, how I should act, what to expect.. my dad warned me that she may not even show up and to not get my hopes up.. I have no idea what she looks like.. From what my dad told me she has been clean for the last 10 years and she works as a nurse in a hospital in Florida helping people with the same problems she has.

I don't know how to meet her, do I hug her, do I introduce myself to her, what do I say? Do I call her mom, do I call her Judy.. do I ask her questions.. one thing I do know is, I'm not getting close to her.

I really appreciate this forum for things like this. I can't talk to real-life people about things like this...

Destructive Impulse
May 6th, 2012, 07:59 AM
Oh shit man. That must be alot to take in. My question is what do you want to treat her like? Are you gonna want to talk to her or avoid her? If you don't want to talk with her then I'm sure your dad will understand

jjsmitty
May 6th, 2012, 04:43 PM
Holy crap that's alot to take in. My advice would be to put yourself in her shoes for a bit, she realises she left you and probably is shitting bricks, she probably doesnt expect that much from you. You should take it slow and steady, do what feels right, saying Mom right away is one hell of a leap, but at least recognise she exists and maybe have a short conversation and see hoe it goes. There's no pressure for you to act a certain way, just be yourself. I hope there's something in there you can take, have fun and enjoy it.

jay_
May 14th, 2012, 10:09 PM
The graduation party went great. I met my mom, she all I could ever want in a mother. She cried the entire time, apologized to us, thanked my dad.. it was nothing like I had expected, but it was was all I could have dreamed of. Probably the best part of my night was there was a photographer taking pictures of the graduates and their families, he came to my brother and we got in it and my mom moved out of the picture - photographer took the picture and he went to move away and my brother goes "wait, I want one with my mother in it" and my mom goes no no no, and my brother goes "come on ma" - I have a family picture. My first real family picture.

I added my mom on BBM, mainly to keep in touch - I wished her a Happy Mothers day on Sunday and she said "never thought I'd hear that, thank you :)" I guess we're taking it slow.. she will never replace my dad, he will always be #1 and I told him that :)

Destructive Impulse
May 15th, 2012, 03:38 AM
Good for you man.

Mortal Coil
May 15th, 2012, 04:44 AM
Yeah, I'm glad it went well.