Why do such little things trigger me?

[Carly011]

Why do i always get triggered my such little things. They are meaningless that any other person wouldnt have a fit about. But for me it upsets me and then i go cut... And i never can cut just two or three i always seem like i need to at least put 15-20 cuts on me when i am upset. Even after a few have calmed me down i continue to cut because 1 or 2 isn't enough i need to have 15-20 or more cuts each time i feel the need to do it.

I feel like i am crazy...i mean what sane person takes a razor and slices open their skin...

I just wan't to be better... but i dont think i ever am going to be better.

I am so tired of living...it hurts to much. Is live even worth it? I have no will to live....i would be so happy to just lay down and die. I am having heart surgery this summer and i don't even care if i die during it.

I hate myself so much. Why am i so ugly, so much of a failure, a loser? Why am i so gross and fat. Im 93lbs and i would love to get down to the 80s. Every time i eat i feel gross and can only think about the fat that is going on me.

I dont deserve to live....im not worth it.

[Error 404]

Well, i wish i knew what to say to make it all better...but i don't, and I'm in pretty much same place as you.

But, first of, try to lower how many times you cut.Like slowly lower the number of cuts, until you get to a lot less.Think of your friends, family, etc, while you do it, and try to control yourself more.

And if you feel angry (so to say), at things, yourself, etc, try screaming, instead of cutting.I've succeeded to lower it to 1-2 cuts, and i do it like maybe once a week.

Also try talking, about stuff that bothers you, etc, with friends/family/psychiatrist, or even online, on some random forum/on VT, and so on.Just write every thought that comes to your mind.

It might not help you, but its worth trying, you've got nothing to lose anyway.

Things can do get better, but you gotta try also to change stuff yourself.It isn't easy, but life never is :/.

Just cause you think you're ugly, doesn't mean you are.Fat?:/ Sorry, but that made me laugh a bit.93 lbs is skinny (in my opinion), not anywhere close to fat...

And as you've said "Think"...don't think!Try to stop thinking about stuff, and relax, really.I know its not easy, but it is possible.Distract yourself with music, talk to friends, go out, watch some funny tv shows (I recommend House M.D., Fringe, Spin City), and so on, anything that might distract you.In my opinion, again, overthinking stuff is what fucked me up.

Music certainly is good, sing it in your head, and it should pretty much stop you from thinking about stuff.

And see, i could have not posted this (damn, does that sentence even make any sense at all?), because i think it won't really help you, and i don't really know what to say, and so on, but well...i try, and I've stopped thinking pretty much about anything that bothered me...

[xXoblivionXx]

Carly... it's going to be okay. I agree with ^^ . You have been through so much to give up now. You are worth living. I'm in the same boat as you, I know how much it hurts. But try to find a little bit of happiness in something, the sunset, the stars, the little things in life that make it worth living. I'm here for you like how you are here for me. :) You are very STRONG you CAN do it! I hope the surgery goes well :)

[Carly011]

thanks both of you :)

xYz i will hang in there :) Why is it so easy to give advice, but so hard to follow it yourself? It does hurt so much, i just want the pain to go away. I ended up cutting...but i suppose that is better then ending my life. Even if it is a temporary fix, its better then nothing. Thanks for everything :) Now i want you to read over what you wrote and apply that to yourself too cause its so true!

[xXoblivionXx]

Like you said, if only it were that easy to take advice. Cutting is better than ending it all, but eventually lets both try to be where happiness will prevail :D

[Carly011]

I think that is a great goal :) Our coping skills really suck, don't they? haha Hopefully one day we will be able to handle our emotions without cutting. Hopefully one day we wont have so many horrible emotions to handle!

[xXoblivionXx]

One day... I can't wait until that day!! :D What do you do to cope?

[Error 404]

Eh, well, its always easier to give advices, than actually do it yourself.

Pure example is, my family doesn't know why i actually do anything of it, and i probably should have told them a long time ago, but i didn't.And i know i probably never will, so...I'm pretty stubborn anyway.

But this thread ain't about me, and I've just wanted to wish you good luck, with both problems, and i hope your surgery goes well :)

[Truth]

Why do i always get triggered my such little things. They are meaningless that any other person wouldnt have a fit about. But for me it upsets me and then i go cut... And i never can cut just two or three i always seem like i need to at least put 15-20 cuts on me when i am upset. Even after a few have calmed me down i continue to cut because 1 or 2 isn't enough i need to have 15-20 or more cuts each time i feel the need to do it.

I feel like i am crazy...i mean what sane person takes a razor and slices open their skin...

I just wan't to be better... but i dont think i ever am going to be better.

I am so tired of living...it hurts to much. Is live even worth it? I have no will to live....i would be so happy to just lay down and die. I am having heart surgery this summer and i don't even care if i die during it.

I hate myself so much. Why am i so ugly, so much of a failure, a loser? Why am i so gross and fat. Im 93lbs and i would love to get down to the 80s. Every time i eat i feel gross and can only think about the fat that is going on me.

I dont deserve to live....im not worth it. Carly, you are beautiful, you're absolutely beautiful. You want to weigh 80 pounds, but why? Do you know how much better than me you're doing? I weigh 240 pounds! If you poked my tummy it'd jiggle, haha. But you know, I realized that I don't need to look good. Looking good won't make you happy; because the images portrayed by the media as "looking good" aren't real. They are more plastic, silicone, and photoshop than they are woman or man. If you want to be happy, you need to enjoy life no matter how you look! (even though there is nothing wrong with you at all)

Life is always worth it. Everyone has a different dream; I personally want to be able to take care of my siblings as I do not believe my mom will be alive for much longer. If I decided to kill myself, my siblings would end up all alone in this world. You need to find why your life is worth living. And don't tell me "there is no reason to live", because there is always a reason to keep going. Maybe for you it's to find happiness. If you die, how are you ever going to be happy? :(

I used to think just like you, I swear. I thought that if I cut myself; all of my problems would go away. But then I realized that I never stopped cutting... so what is it helping? What problems is it fixing? If it was fixing my problems, I wouldn't need to keep cutting myself over and over... that's when I came to the conclusion; the cutting was the problem... not everything else.

And as I said, you are beautiful... you weigh 1/3rd of what I weigh! But I am completely happy with myself; no matter how chubby I am. Who do I need to impress? No one elses opinion matters more than mine, and I think I am a decent person who deserves to be happy... so do you. :yes:

[Carly011]

Thanks :) um how do I cope....by cutting....yeah my coping skills suck! nothing else gives me the same relief.... And usually when I am about to cut I cant think of anything but cutting.

[Truth]

Thanks :) um how do I cope....by cutting....yeah my coping skills suck! nothing else gives me the same relief.... And usually when I am about to cut I cant think of anything but cutting. One day you will definitely be able to cope without harming yourself. You really don't deserve to be in so much pain.

I used to think just like that... if I can stop cutting, I am certain you can too.. especially when I'm 3 times your weight and a total loser. :yes: It just doesn't bother me, I'm happy with that.

[Carly011]

It just doesnt seem like there is anything worth living for....i don't even remember the last time i was truly happy. Now its always just a show. Faking a smile and happiness has become 2nd nature to me now that i dont even know how to really be happy. Life is to hard. Im not strong enough to do it. then i look at all the scars i have all over my body and see how much of a failure i really am. I just can't do this.

[xXoblivionXx]

Carly you of all people CAN do this! You just don't know how. There is a way you just need to find it :) I will help you look but don't say there is no way otherwise you won't be able to find it.

[Carly011]

I know :( i just hate the times when i feel like i can't. Im so sick of being sad. So sick of thinking im some horrible ugly person. I just can't help it. Its like being depressed and cutting is what defines me. I just cant seem to be happy

[xXoblivionXx]

Cutting will NEVER define ANYONE. You deserve every bit of happiness life has to offer, you just have to go up to life and say "this is my life and I'm going to live every moment of it happily" :)

[Carly011]

i dont know..... i mean i rarely go a day without cutting.... i dont know how NOT to cut if that makes any sense? I haven't been happy for 7 years....i dont know how to be happy. I dont know how to be anything but miserable. Im getting to the point where i dont even want to leave my room anymore. I use to at least be able to force myself to go wander around target or something to get me out of the house but now all i want to do is sit. just sleep and come on the computer. I dont even want to hang out with anyone...I feel like crying all the time. I really thought i was getting better at one time...but then i slipped down again and am worse then before :/ im just so tired of this. So tired of living.

[xXoblivionXx]

Please don't give up Carly. You are a great person... try to find something that you like to do. Even if it is something small like watching sunsets or taking pictures, or taking pictures of the sunset :P Try to find happiness in the smallest places then slowly build your way up :) Do what you want to do, try new things :) As for the cutting I'm trying to figure out the something :/ You gave me some really good advice, try to follow it too ;)

[Carly011]

Im trying not to give up....but each day it gets harder. thats the thing though...nothing makes me happy. Even the things i used to love. My camera is in getting fixed so i dont even have that. All i want to do is sleep and never wake up. I will probably go to sleep soon....to bad i know i will wake up :/ Ughh im great at giving advice, horrible at taking it though. :) yeah cutting is...out of control for me right now. Each cut is getting deeper and deeper....and much more often...I will probably have to tell my therapist tomorrow....who knows what will happen. I just dont want to have to go to the hospital

[xXoblivionXx]

I'm here for you Carly no matter what happens.

[Carly011]

Thank you, that means a lot to me. Same goes for you, I will always be here for you

[xXoblivionXx]

Carly I have been waiting a long time for someone like you... :D

[Carly011]

Hahahaha we are soul mates!! :)