It Never Ends

[project_icarus]

"If things get bad use coping strategies. If in crisis refer to Emergency Contacts card or present to A&E"
That's what's written on my safety plan they gave me last time I left 4H, which is the psych ward at the Hospital. Coping strategies, not really much, just excersise, cooking and music. I'm listening to music, I've been excersising full on and I've offered to cook the people here a meal (they refused and ordered a pizza. Puts me back in my place).
The emergency contacts card, it doesn't have anything on it but the number to Kids Helpline, Lifeline, Samaritans Youthline, Crisis Support and the Mental Emergency Response Team, an operation of the Police and SJ Ambos. Most of which are absolutely useless, all the emergency accom. that Samaritans have is for 15+, Kids Helpline and Lifeline will only call the police (not even MERT, or SJA, just the police in general).

I'm sitting at this computer at my step mother's house while she, and four others drink, smoke, laugh and have a good time. I'm here being unsociable as usual, when Gab (step mum) decides to occasionally come inside and say hi. She's not bad. Neither is my dad, or the rest of the people here. I just can't talk to them.

I just had a conversation with Gaz (another person here), about basketball (one of the things I pretend to like).

I'll continue this later. I don't have the time at the moment.

[jjsmitty]

Hah, its the same in the UK, but you sound like me, if you find talking to people very disconcerting, especially in group situations have a look at Aspergers syndrome, it certainley explained alot for me. The advice they give about exercise etc is very good, believe me it does help, you just need to find that time where you are most vulnerable and replace it with an activity, cycling, running or heck gaming, join a social club / find a hobby to occupy that time, but most importantly Aim High.

[Jhcx]

Pity you find it hard in groups. im usually like that untill a topic i understand comes up. Or course i could talk for the world once i get started. Im very sure the counselor i was seeing hated to see me come couldn't get rid of me :D. Im probably not even on the right topic in this thread but i'll extend my arm or friendship out and tell you that my Virtual window is open anytime you want to lean in and say hi.

Also here's a song Gives you an idea of who i am :D
_1xyCOE8fNQ

Goodbye :drunk:

[Noxail]

:hug: I'm so sorry. I really can't tell you how much it frustrates me when help isn't... well.... helpfull. You've got to pull throught this yourself. I've seen you around a bit, and I've got to say that you are not a weak person. Never forget that. Your VT family is here for you, even when the rest of the world gives you a card with a bunch of dud numbers on them. :hug: :hug: :hug: Stay Strong ~Holli

[Mortal Coil]

Talking to Gab must kill you :hug:
It sucks when the people who are meant to help you, don't. I'm sorry.

[project_icarus]

Talking to Gab must kill you :hug:
It sucks when the people who are meant to help you, don't. I'm sorry.

Gab's actually not that bad :P Neither is Gaz. It's just when i'm like this I can make social interactions weird and awkward.
If you don't know the difference between Gab and Gaz... Gab is my step mum, Gaz is my father's friend.
Don't be sorry, really. I couldn't have spoken to you unless you called me... I understand why you didn't.

CONT I. Yes, this is from my iPad so don't expect anything fancy.
It really wouldn't surprise me if I was taken back to 4H, or even just the psych ward at another hospital. Whether it be by the police again, an ambulance, or my mum... I don't actually have that much of a problem with going to 4H... My safety plan they gave me last time says "...if in crisis, present to A&E" and I would, but I don't know how to get there. If I was still with my dad, or Gab, I'd eventually get the courage to tell one of them, "I'm not feeling too great, I don't feel safe." But I'm not, and I can't. I don't know how to get there...

I try my hardest to keep going, for three people (who may or may not see this, you know who you are). But sometimes I just fall, and get desperate. Such as one of my overdoses last week for example, 20 vit D and 60 (full bottle) folic acid tablets. One of the nurses in A&E actually grinned when she had been told what I'd taken. I'm not pregnant and I'm getting enough sunlight.

Fuck.