Suicide in the family...

[Jen'ari]

My brother committed suicide last night. Idk exactly what I expect to hear on here more than what I've already heard.. But how exactly do you. Umm I don't understand.. I just don't. He seemed like he was doing great and then... Just gone.. Do any of you ever like feel like your dreaming or something and everyone is lying to you and it's all gonna be over once you wake up.. Only you can't seem to wake up.. That's kinda what it feels like... I feel betrayed.. Or idk.. I need something but idk.. I just wanna run away.. Or hide where I can't be found.. I keep having people coming up to me telling me how sorry they are and asking how I'm doing and all I wanna scream is why?.. I just wanna know why.. I don't feel anything or everything.. Imnot sure.. But I don't understand.. Why would he do this?..

[Error 404]

So sorry to hear about your brother :/

Everyone has got some reason.Maybe he was depressed.Maybe he didn't like things he has done before.Maybe he just wanted it to end.There are so many maybes.
But even if you find out the reason why, it sure ain't gonna feel any easier.It was his choice, and maybe, at the moment, it seemed like a good one, but it never is.

Don't torment yourself with why, and try, to eventually move on, but always remember him, he would want you to.

I really do not know what to say anymore :/

R.I.P.

[Jen'ari]

It's my fault.. I dumped all my shit on him..

[xXoblivionXx]

It is NOT your fault. Don't you ever think that. Your brother must have been depressed or something he did not kill himself because of you.

[Jen'ari]

Thanks for the support.. It helped..

[Jhcx]

I dont really want to be saying sorry to hear but its the only thing i can say. Personally i hate it. It means nothing I dont care if your sorry or not. But anyway that besides the point.

What i was going to say based on myself. That even though i may seem happy i could have the best day of my life. But once im on my own i suddenly change. I cant explain it but its like i stop thinking and i let my mind run wild. Just wanting to give up and leave just not having to face the next day, face my family, face knowing that somewhere in the world theres a war. Im not sure if this is going anywhere or even helping but hopefully you might be able to get something out of it.

But i hope you pass through this. such a Sad thing to happen. You can come and pass by anytime you want. just to say hi. or to take your mind away or just try to look for an answer or a different perspective. Everyone see an event differently. Dont blame yourself if possible. Its hard but its like pushing through a crowd just have to keep pushing on to find a way out :|

[Carly011]

Its NOT your fault. He did NOT kill himself because of you. I have been on the verge of suicide before. The thoughts that are going through my mind at that time is that it is the only way out, that i make everyone miserable, everyone would be better off without me, i dont want to cause my family pain all the time so i think that is the solution. Its NOT the solution, but when i am that desperate and sad i think it is.

Im sorry, i hope things get better

[Jen'ari]

He didn't seem upset.. He had gotten into the marines and seemed to be doing great.. Our parents were super happy for him.. All of us were happy for him and he got support from all of us.. He kept me going.. But he always seemed like he knew where he was going and what he was doing.. He was the strong one and I never thought to ask him how he was doing or anything.. I just drug him down instead... Idk what to do with myself.. I feel just.. Dead.. Idk.. But thanks for the advice.. I just don't know how my family is going to survive this.. I honestly haven't even been home.. I don't want to even see any of them.. I just remind them of him.. Guess that's my curse being a twin.. Only a few minutes younger.. It should have been me not him committing suicide.. It's not right.. It's all wrong.

[Mortal Coil]

Trust me, whatever the reason was for him committing suicide, it wasn't you. People kill themselves because they can't stand the pain that has been inflicted on them. Well, you did not inflict all that pain on him.
He may be dead, but you're still alive. Stay strong :hug:

[Jen'ari]

I just wish I had paid more attention.. Been around more.. Maybe I could have seen some sign.. Even if I could have just talked to him.. Maybe he could've worked it out.. You say stay strong.. But I feel as if the slightest touch will shatter me.. I can hide it when I'm in public, but when I'm alone I just feel sick and my chest hurts and i feel like I can't seem to breath.. I haven't even cried yet.. I can't seem to and I'm scared.. I just keep hoping that I won't wake up the next morning.. Or that my mom won't cry just because she looks at me.. Or that my friends and coworkers won't watch what they say or do around me always having this sad pitying look on their faces that do nothing more than make me hurt more.. I'm so tired..

[Truth]

You know OP, as a child... I found my father after he committed suicide.

If I had came home for lunch earlier, opened the garage door, or something.. he might be alive this day.

The simple fact is, they are the ones who chose to leave this world... not you, but they did it by themselves.

Don't believe that everything is your fault; that isn't what your brother would want.

[Jen'ari]

Thanks... After reading through the advice I've gotten and talking to some others I'm close to.. I would agree with you. I wish I could have helped him.. But he saved me so I owe him I debt I can't repay but I hope I can move on.. Idk if thats up or down but at least moving forward... Thanks everyone.

[Breakeven]

im sorry for ur lost , hun sometimes people makes wrong dissension and even thou how much they look they r doing great we never know whats really going on in the inside
but u need to know its not ur fault , its gonna be hard for while but it will get better i promise , u have to stay strong and hold on
im always here if u need someone to talk too , feel free :D

[Jen'ari]

Thanks. I think with help I'll be fine. I'm going to move forward because that's what he always told me to do. I don't understand but I want to make him proud by making something out of myself. He kept me going all my life.. I owe him to at least live it.

R.I.P. Jason 1991-2012

[Smeagol]

I'm really sorry for your loss :hug:

[Jen'ari]

Thanks.