End of the Battle

[xXoblivionXx]

It has come to the point where it is irrational to continue fighting. I have lost and I need to accept that. I'm dragging myself and everyone around me down. It's very selfish of me to burden my friends and family. They don't deserve any of this, neither do I. I have been such a stubborn person, I needed to change but I didn't. This battle is finally going to end. I'm done.

[Carly011]

NO. NO. NO. NO. You told me NOT to kill my self, and you are NOT allowed to either. I know the battle is hard. It is the hardest thing i have ever done. but keep fighting, because you CAN do this. You ARE strong.

"here is always something to live for. It may be small, it may be minor but it is something. I don't know you that well but there must be something in your life that is worth living for, PLEASE don't do this. Please it will end your pain but it will end everything else. Actually, it doesn't end your pain, it passes it on to the people that care about you. People like your friends and family, people like me on this forum"

That is what you told me. Follow your advice, it was good :)

You DESERVE to live, your life is WORTH living!!! Please message me or something if you need to talk.

[xXoblivionXx]

So lets say that I live, I'm failing at life. I guess they cancel out. I don't know anymore...

[Carly011]

you are NOT failing at life. This feeling will pass. You are doing the best you can, and that is good enough. We all struggle at times. Things do get better. Go for a fun, watch some tv, read a book. Anything to try to break the intense suicidal thoughts. And we all fail at times but we learn from those mistakes and push on

[xXoblivionXx]

if only my dad though of it that way...

[StoppingTime]

If he doesn't think like that, than don't listen to him. You don't need him telling you all the wrong things all the time. I'm not saying to disown him (never do that), but don't let those meaningless comments take you down. We all know how strong you are, you know too, and that's what matters. Some people are just ignorant like that, or, they don't fully understand the situation, which is what I think he is going through now.

[Carly011]

The way my therapist puts it is to "give up on a realtionship with him, just accept that there may never be one" Your dad is an idiot if he doesnt think that. Dont let ANYONE put you down because you ARE a great person, I can see that and i dont even know you.

Your life is worth something. Believe it.

[xXoblivionXx]

I hope you guys are right

[Carly011]

We are right :D

[xXoblivionXx]

haha I hope so... you of all people would understand how it feels. At first you think it is the only solution but after talking to someone that understands you feel a bit better. Thanks for everything Carly :)

[Carly011]

Exactly, we all need someone who understands. Someone who has been in the same situation and who wont judge us. I would not be able to survive if i couldnt talk to people who understood me. Most people dont understand depression and self harm. They think we can just make ourselves feel better and be happy if we really wanted to. It so does not work that way, unfortunately.

Your welcome, you helped me just as much as i helped you. If you ever need to talk just message me :D

[xXoblivionXx]

It's a great thing to have someone to talk to that understands what you are going through, otherwise they judge you and get tired of having to deal with you. But if they know what you are going through they can relate to the pain that you feel. I guess that is my problem, my friends that are trying to help me can't relate to the situation, they can only help to a certain extent. Sorry for ranting. :P

[Carly011]

No rant away, i know EXACTLY how you feel. This girl once tried to tell me that i wasnt really depressed and didnt have as bad of anxiety as i said i did because i was only on paxil and if it was really as bad as i said it was i would be on xanax. Stupidest thing i ever heard!!!! she is no longer my friend :D Sometimes people just don't understand. They try to help, but in the end they can only do so much. They don't understand what goes through our heads and how hard it is to control those emotions. How all we want is to be "better" and be happy, and we try so hard to achieve that. They dont understand how for us happiness is hard to get, and that when we do get it we dont take it for granted. It is always nice to have someone who can encourage us and tell us things in a way no one else can. Others cant be as straight forward as we can, because it may come across as insulting as for others who have been through it actually know what they are talking about. It's hard, it really is. I dont have many people(other then those here) to whom i can say "today i just feel like dying. All i want to do is cut my wrists and bleed out. I feel so lonely." I cant say that without coming across as a desperate person. Where here you guys understand and can help me through it :D

[xXoblivionXx]

I couldn't agree more :D